Waldo's Expulsion
Sep 13, 2021 14:38pm, The Master's Council, Widdlington.
The Master has summoned Waldo to his office. He hands the curious goblin an official letter from The Masters Council. Waldo takes the letter and puts on his reading glasses, squinting as he reads the contents at an unnecessary angle.
Dear Widdle Frunkut,
You are hearby expelled as a pupil of the Master's Council, effective immediately.
Regards,
Master Steven Devlin
Director and Principal Council Member,
Seconded: Master Roger Wyndam-Pryce
The Masters Council
Waldo looks up from the document and hisses at the master.
wF: Well if that's how you want it to be then i guess that's how it is. And I guess that means wiffuhuh no longer has to play by the rules of the council no more, mhmm. I guess wiffuhuh can return to his old ways...the dark days, hehe, the wild crazy days...Wiffuhuh has slowed down in it's old age, we admit, but we think wiffuhuh is going to have a revival...hahaha... And if the bodies start piling up, you only have yourself to blame!
Master Devlin: With what power?
wF: Will-Power, my friend. Willpower. We just gonna will it. Gonna visualise it, free our minds...Wiffuhuh has the power deep within...
Master Devlin: Whatever man. We'll just deal with the forthcoming. Waldo never played by the rules.
Sep 14, 2021 17:30pm.
The Master is approached by Waldo on the Council grounds Square, waving a tin cup up at him.
wF: Alms? Alms for the poor? My water dish is empty... Could you spare some change, Squire?
Master Devlin: Yes, I could...
wF: We'd be most grateful if you would, good sir.
Master Devlin: But I won't, because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my office to my quarters without being confronted by the decay of western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH!
wF: ...Didn't ask for an explanation, sir.
Master Devlin: The answer is NO...You should have been a better pupil.
wF: Irrelevant. That is all Past Waldo. What about Present Waldo?
Master Devlin: He doesn't exist.
wF: You don't exist. You're just evil frunkut!
Master Devlin: Yet...here we are. I can just walk away. Frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn.
wF: Whatever.
Master Devlin: The Master knew this would happen. Waldo would begin begging and busking outside the council building.
wF: What else are we going to do?
Master Devlin: I don't care.
Sep 15, 2021 13:57pm.
While returning from a late lunch, the Master spots Waldo lying on a bench by the old fountain. The bench has rapidly become filthy and is starting to rot.
Master Devlin: How does it feel being homeless, Waldo?
wF: It's fine. Dunno what all the fuss is about. Waldo gets to relive his days as a Dickensian street urchin.
Master Devlin: Waldo becomes a heroin junkie.
wF: Dont worry. When waldo gets bored larping as a street rat, he'll just go live with someone. Just pick a house and move in. The occupiers can either accept the new situation or go in the bin.
Master Devlin: The council planned for this. Every house has been equipped with goblin away spray.
wF: The masta shoved a wooden stake up his bottom after proclaiming himself to be a "butt vampire". It caused his anus to bleed heavily...Which he then drank. It gave him supernatural AIDS. He then ate a rotten egg and was cured, and so decided to celebrate by biting waldo's little green buttocks. Causing Waldo to fall out with him for 7 weeks...
Master Devlin: ...
Actor, Jonathan Frakes, steps out from behind a tree and walks up to them.
Frakes: Is it possible that this story is true? Yes, it is.
Master Devlin: ...That is outrageous...
wF: Agreed! Exactly why Waldo distance himself from the Masta for a time.
Master Devlin: Waldo should rub some Master's butter on his bottom.
wF: We will not! Masta bummed Bin Laden. He's a pig.
Master Devlin: Waldo watched...
Frakes: It's false...No way...Not this time...
Master Devlin: Then how does Waldo know?
wF: Waldo has many spies. In this case, Skunk VI.
Master Devlin: Skunk VI is never here. Waldo thinks he has many spies, but he doesn't pay them. Therefore, they do nothing.
wF: Whatever man. You're incorrect, but we don't care anywayz.
Master Devlin: Don't you whatever me, you silly little weirdo!
wF: The masta is a faberge fiend! He bankrupted himself because of his overindulgence.
Master Devlin: Waldo is delusional. The Master doesn't own a farberge egg.
Waldo pulls an old wireless out his pocket and turns it on. Samuel Waldo's voice can be heard over the radio with Brandenburg Concerto No.2 playing in the background.
Samuel Waldo: No, widdle frunkut is correct, but the problem is that the master doesn't OWN a faberge egg because he keeps losing them up his, uh... backside. And of course they break down and don't last very long...So that is correct...And of course the master can't afford any more, currently, because his finances are a joke. Um...So yes, widdle frunkut is correct, but also the master is also, somewhat correct...At this precise moment in time...
wF: Uh...yes...Exactly! Exactly, thank you Samuel...
Master Devlin: THAT'S NOT TRUE!
The Master angrily walks away and heads into the main building.
Sep 15, 2021 22:12pm, Council Square.
The Master is looking at a comical gif on his phone of a bear rolling in some sort of white powder on top of a barrel when he spots Waldo, swaying, holding a bottle of hooch, and incoherently rambling and muttering to himself in an unintelligable cuban accent. The Master looks on him in pity.
Master Devlin: Waldo has turned into a drunk. He hasn't been doing well since he was expelled.
The Master takes a bag of cocaine out his pocket and hands it to Waldo.
Master Devlin: Here, have some..
wF: Ohh..thanks mang...Maybe jou not so bad, jou know?
The Master heads to his quarters while Waldo snorts the yayo all in one go and starts to convulse.
Sep 16, 2021 08:55am, Council Square.
The Master is shocked to witness the rapid transformation that has occurred in the homeless goblin overnight. Waldo is standing before him, covered head to toe in dirt, with a large bushy beard and a huge unsightly scar on his face. His clothes are in rags, being held together by black tape and he's standing next to a sign saying "Will sniff farts for £££"
Master Devlin: Good lord, man. You're a mess Waldo!
wF: Top of the morning to you too, sir!
Waldo raises his tattered top hat to reveal a birds nest and three chicks resting on his head where his three hairs should be.
Master Devlin: How did you become so filthy so quickly?
wF: Stuff happens. It's not Waldo's fault it looks like this. The Masta hasn't washed it or it's things...
Master Devlin: Trying to bathe Waldo is worse than a cat. Plus Waldo is extra slippery in the bath, kind of like dropping a bar of soap in the shower.
wF: The Masta is all too familiar with dropping the soap...Anyway, even when wiffuhuh was under the care of the master, he was always accused of being dirty but recent living conditions have accelerated it...We fought a badger recently...In it's sett...T'was quite a vicious battle.
Master Devlin: It looks like the badger won...
wF: No. Waldo won, but it let the badger stay and we sat up all night drinking hooch.
Master Devlin: Not true. Waldo is rubbish against a badger.
wF: It is too true! We fought like a badger! He said so himself. Called wF an honourary badger...But anyways, perhaps it's time for the Masta to take Waldo home?
Master Devlin: Waldo is trying to use guilt to try get the Master to take him back...This is how Waldo goes about trying to convince the Master to take him home...
wF: WF recycles...Would you like an egg in this trying time?
Master Devlin: The Master will fry Waldo...Pan seared goblin... Waldo hit the Master with a vase. So he must be punished
wF: The masta needs to repent for his violent deeds...And he needs to bathe and shave his goblin!
Master Devlin: The Master doesn't need to do anything...Waldo has been expelled. He's on his own...
wF: But you allowed him to rejoin!
Master Devlin: No such thing happened.
wF: Doesn't the masta care about wiffuhuh's wellbeing??
Master Devlin: Deep down... probably. But Waldo has no interest in the Master's wellbeing. He is happy to disembowel the Master for his own amusement.
Waldo pulls out his handheld Ziggy like device and brings up a screenshot of the Waldoverse Archive logs. It reads: "SEP. 6th, '21: Waldo apologises for all the times he's harmed the master. He's sorry for the various stabbings, shootings, disembowlings and dismemberments...He now undestands that it was not nice. He used to the think it was just fun and games, but now sees the error of his ways...But he would also like to point out that he hasn't done any of those things for nearly two years..."
The Master's reply reads: "Hmm. Very well. Is Waldo willing to accept that he cannot blame these actions on a..."
Master Devlin: Conveniently Waldo has cut out the Master's response. Waldo takes no fault in this actions because he blames it on this nonsense of "Past Waldo".
wF: But wF said sorry! And the master forgave him! It's only because of Samuel. The master blamed wf for his return. After that, the masta was mean to wF...
Master Devlin: The Master only forgave him if he stopped referring to this Past Waldo bollocks. He never stopped. This angered the Master.
wF: We did stop.
Master Devlin: Didn't last long. Then you blamed it on "Past Waldo".
wF: False! The masta is a revisionist and a Butt Vampire!
Master Devlin: Waldo is a criminal. The Master isn't there to protect him anymore.
wF: ...
Master Devlin: Waldo is a wimp...
wF: Saso is a pimp...
Master Devlin: Always relying on the Master to get him out of trouble...
wF: Same with the Masta. Except he's not even the pimp actually. He relies on the pimps to save his skanky ho ass after a night of butt munching dirty old men in park toilets. Saso loves to toss the salad.
Master Devlin: Waldo has mushrooms growing on his back.
wF: The masta ate some before. He was tripping balls for days...Anyway...How about I give you the finger...*waldo sticks the middle finger up at the master* ...and you give me my phonecall...
Master Devlin: Oh Mr Waldo...you disappoint me...Tell me, what good is a phone call if you're unable to speak?
Waldo's mouth suddenly disappears and he looks like Johnny Bravo for a few seconds. The Master grabs him and puts a Skunk louse into Waldo's belly. Waldo shakes violently and his mouth returns.
wF: GROSS! I spek! You can't scare us with that gestapo crap. We know our rights...Just like masta Jimmy Carter says...We wants our phonecall...To the Senior Mastas's Council! We wish to appeal the expulsion!
Master Devlin: Very well, you may appeal. I'm not sure what good it'll do you. All the council board members find WF revolting. He phlegmed all over the board table. Then immediately blamed it on past Waldo.
wF: That's accurate though! Present Waldo don't gots no more phlegms! Didn't you know this? For the past 8 months or so, phlegm has been entirely in the domain of Past Waldo. Present Waldo can't even produce a sputum sample.
Frakes: You're right. It's fact.
Master Devlin: Everything is entirely in the domain of Past Waldo, because present Waldo effectively doesn't exist. The board as well agrees that this is ridiculous. Either Waldo is delusional and this is a product of his psychosis or Waldo is just playing games, that no one is falling for.
wF: Can i come home now?
Master Devlin: You have not had your appeal hearing yet.
wF: But you agreed that was Past Waldo Deeds. Future Waldo is innocent.
Master Devlin: I agreed to nothing. It is my view and the view of the council that this defence is utter nonsense and will therefore be dismissed. If you continue to blame things on past, present or future Waldos, you will definitely not be coming home and your appeal will be forfeited. Is this understood?
wF: Um...Not really. Why do you deny the existence of past, present and future waldos? We are here. Throughout time and space.
Master Devlin: They are all one in the same.
Sep 17, 2021 10:14am, Senior Council Court room. The hearing is already underway.
wF: We wish to submit evidence to the appeal court.
Master Devlin: Request Denied.
Waldo ignores the master and produces a chat log from the Waldoverse Archive of the master being vulgar and perverted towards it.
wF: Waldo was long subjected to various kinds of abuse by his masta. By his own admission, he would violate wF and we would argue that this psychologically damaged waldo to the point where he is not responsible for his actions, past or present...
Master Devlin: Widdle Frunkut is a maniac! He is a racist and a homophobe!
Master Devlin stands up and waves a waldoverse illustration of Waldo pointing and shouting "Poofter!".
wF: Objection! Irrelevant.
The Master ignores him and produces more illustrations depicting Waldo's evil and psychotic behaviour, various war crimes, evidence of murders and massacres can be seen.
wF: The Masta made us that way!
The Master continues producing illustrated evidence.
Master Devlin: Waldo did these crimes all on his own.
wF: Not true! I recycle.
Master Devlin: Waldo abused his master. So The Master punished Waldo. Why would Waldo want to return to a place where he claims he was abused?
wF: Waldo is currently abused on the streets...And Waldo likes the master, even though he's awful sometimes.
Master Devlin: Widdle Frunkut. You have been a pupil of the council for many years. During that time you have made no attempt to better yourself. It's all been just a big game to you. Entertainment...And you look like this? You have turned up to this appeal looking and smelling quite vulgar...Much of this looks like self abuse. Attention seeking.
wF: Waldo made an effort before it was expelled...
Waldo submits an illustration of himself dressed smart in a suit from when he was Wesley Wyndam-Pryce's pupil.
wF: ...but it needs guidance. You took it's weswey away. Now it's stan. Of course Waldo is dirtier than a frenchman.
Roger Wyndam-Pryce: This is all just a game to you! You ruined my son's life!
wF: No we didn't. We set him free! And then you locked him up!
Roger Wyndam-Pryce: You did this in order to lure your old Master out of retirement. And in the process, inflict as much collateral damage as possible. He was undergoing rehabilitation. But now he is in an mental health facility.
wF: Nonsense. Waldo offered weswey a green pill and he took it.
Master Devlin: You force fed it to him.
wF: You has no evidences. You are the ones who're destroying his mental health by keeping him in that prison! How about this then...If devlin is being such a women, fine, reinstate Waldo and he'll be Wesley's master!
Master Devlin: Not going to happen.
wF: Waldo is ready for the trials. Even Masta said so! And Weswey too before you guys broked him! We will fix him. Just give us the title of Masta...
Master Devlin: You are trying to convince the council to reinstate you. But all you have done is berate them.
wF: It's for their own good. Wouldn't want a repeat of the past.
Master Devlin: Why do you even want to come back?
wF: It's comfy. And pizza man is around. He's waldo's hobby
Master Devlin: That's just it, though. It's all just entertainment for Waldo.
wF: Yes, quite.
Master Devlin: Waldo will never acheive the rank of Master. And he hasn't even said how he will improve if he does return.
wF: What does it matter anywayz? Waldo just needs room and board. And something to occupy it. Keeps it out of troubles. Plus we will shave and bathe!
Master Devlin: He had that. He had his quarters...
wF: Then the masta threw a tantrum over Samuel Waldo.
Council Member: Samuel is a buffoon. And Widdle Frunkut has been very damaging to the council for years. He has burned down the council chambers.
wF: Exactly why you don't want to antagonize him further...Gentlemen of the Council... You know fine well it is in your best interest to assign wiffuhuh to Masta Devlin again. He doesn't need to like it...It's for the good of society...
The court room falls silent. The council stare at Waldo, unamused. Suddenly a gravelly American voice can be heard across the room.
: This council approves, the reinstatement of one John Waldo Frunkut. The senior council members look around in confusion, wondering where the voice is coming from. The Master facepalms.
Master Devlin: SHUT UP, WALDO! Strike Mr Waldo's comment from the record...Now, I may agree to reinstate Waldo as a pupil. But he must be severely punished.
Mystery voice: "No. We are quite compelled by Mr Frunkut's eloquent argument. He will be reinstated and assigned to you, Devlin. Also you are demoted to probationary master, effective immediately. You really screwed this one up, Stan."
wF: Thanks very much for this chance, sir! Won't let you down!
Master Devlin: Will you stop that, Waldo?
wF: Stop what? Being polite? Never! My mummy, Hoobert, taught me good mannies cost nothing.
Master Devlin: We can see you covering your mouth and pretending to answer for the council. You really are infuriating, Mr Waldo
Mystery voice: No Master Devlin, you are speaking out of turn and you are doing exactly what you're accusing Mr Waldo of doing. Trying to speak for the council...The council has already decided to reinstate Mr Waldo and grant him room and board, and that you are to be his Master, albeit a probationary one. Just till he finds his feet. That's all, council adjourned. *gavel sound*
wF: Ha! See, Pasty! No one is buying you're pigwash. Council member: Mr Waldo, can you put that Dictabird away please. Also give me that gavel.
A dictabird is now sitting by waldo.
Dictabird: Nice try, Waldo.
wF: Poppycock. Am I really back in, Frakes?
Frakes stands up at the back.
Frakes: Is it possible this story is true? Yes it is...
Council Member: Please leave the chamber, Mr Frakes. You were not called upon.
Frakes: Not a chance.
wF: Frakes is my adjutant! I have the right to a representative!
The Master attempts to forcibly remove Frakes but Frakes catches him off guard with a classic Star Fleet counter punch and knocks the Master to the floor. Frakes brushes his black suit down with his hands and exits the court room.
A Senior council member facepalms...
Senior Council Member: Widdle Frunkut. You've done nothing but try and swindle these proceedings. No one is falling for it. We will return shortly with our decision...
The senior council members leave the room to deliberate. Waldo walks over and starts creepily stroking the Master who is slightly.
wF: Oh, Sassy, that was very embarrassing...Are you okay? Here, let me help you up. You can't manhandle Frakes like that. He's a big dude. Here, have a cigarette.We'll get you a drink and some ice for that black eye...You know, we don't even care about being reinstated. Not really. You're correct, this all a big to wiffuhuh. But what's not a joke is our friendship. Wiffuhuh just wants us to hang out again. Wesa bein frens.
The council returns and take their seats...
Senior Council Member: We have decided that Widdle Frunkut is not fit to be a pupil of the Master's Council. His shameful conduct is not something we tolerate here. However, we feel that it is ultimately the decision of Master Devlin to make the final call.
The Master sighs and picks himself up from the floor.
Master Devlin: I will reinstate as a pupil on three conditions. 1. Samuel Waldo is gone. 2. There is no mention or blame on a past, present or future Waldo. It is not a defence. It's just ridiculous. 3. You will try and better yourself and be a model pupil.
wF: We accept these terms!
Master Devlin: Also you are to be severely punished...Seven days in the fart chamber - with blink 182's 'I Miss You' on a continuous loop.
wF: This punishment does seem severe. What is the reason for this?
Master Devlin: 'Past Waldo'
wF: Who?
Master Devlin: All things you have blamed this past Waldo for but it was really WF to blame. Now, into the fart chamber you go...
wF: Hmmm....Nah!
Waldo pulls a flame thrower out of his pocket and sets the council chamber ablaze. The council members go up in flames and fills the courtroom with the smell of crispy dragon meat.
wF: Later, bitches. Waldo, out...
Waldo jumps out the window and scurries off. The council members calmly stand up and pat down the flames.
Master Devlin: Good. He's finally away. Everyone alright?
Senior Council Member: Yes, yes, fine. Well that was the outcome we hoped for. Do you think Waldo will declare war on the council?
Master Devlin: Yes, most certainly...
Sep 17, 2021 13:00pm
BREAKING NEWS: WIDDLE FRUNKUT ON THE RUN. NATIONWIDE HUNT FOR NOTORIOUS MANIAC AFTER ATTACK ON THE MASTERS COUNCIL.