Enter The Edverse: Part One

The following takes place following: New Threads, Old Habits

Chapter 1

The Master and Travers sat down for lunch at Danny's Doo Wop Diner, an American-style spot just off Wilford Brimley Rd in Walford Heights. The air was thick with the smell of greasy comfort food, and the jukebox hummed softly with old rock ‘n’ roll. They had barely settled into their booth when an impatient, large-breasted waitress approached.

Waitress: "Coffee?"

Master Devlin: "Please." (holding out his cup)

The waitress poured the coffee into his cup with a practiced hand, then turned her attention to Travers.

Waitress: "What about you?"

Travers, however, was in a trance, his gaze fixed squarely on the waitress’ chest. He hadn’t had an oil change in a while, and his brain had gone completely blank. The sight of her had temporarily rendered him catatonic.

She poured his coffee anyway, though Travers didn’t seem to notice.

Waitress: "Can I get you boys something to eat?"

Master Devlin: "Steak sandwich, please."

She scribbled the order into her notepad, then turned back to Travers, now drooling onto the table under his chin. She raised an eyebrow and looked at the Master.

Waitress: "What’s up with him? Is he special or something?"

Master Devlin: "Yes, quite."

Waitress (sighs): "I'll be back with a mop."

As she walked off, the Master gave Travers a sharp smack on the back of the head.

In a flash, Travers pulled out a goblin-brand switchblade, waving it defensively in a daze.

Travers: "Huh? What’s going on? Don’t touch my stuff!"

He shook his head and blinked, finally catching up to the situation.

Travers: "Oh... It's you, Master Devlin..."

The Master sighed and leaned back in his seat, his patience wearing thin. Travers, suddenly remembering where he was, lit up with enthusiasm.

Travers: "Hey, I love this joint. I used to come here all the time before I was mayor. It’s comforting, y’know? Reminds me of pre-racial America, back in my youth..."

Master Devlin: "Uh huh..."

The waitress returned with a mop and bucket, and began wiping up the drool from the table. Travers, noticing her again, began to stare, his eyes glazing over.

Waitress: "So what’ll it be, hun?"

The Master quickly snapped his claws in front of Travers’ face.

Travers: "Huh? What??" (jumping out of his trance)

Master Devlin: "Tell the waitress what you’d like!"

Travers: "Well, now that you mention it..."

Master Devlin: "TO EAT... Travers... Your order..."

Travers: "Oh, right... Um, I’ll have a sirloin steak, rare, with fries... and some chicken wings on the side..."

Travers paused, then pulled out his empty wallet with a thoughtful frown.

Travers: "Hmm. I still appear to be temporarily light... Master Devlin, could you help me out?"

The Master raised an eyebrow and nodded toward the waitress, who stood nearby, looking mildly amused.

Travers: "Thanks. Oh, and a Coke, please!"

The waitress smirked and nodded before turning to place the order.

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The waitress returned with their food, setting the plates down in front of them before quickly departing. Travers eagerly leaned forward, but after a quick scan of the table, his face fell — no salt. The little goblin stood up on his seat and peeked over the back of the booth. Just behind them sat a young woman, blowing bubblegum and reading a paperback novel.

Travers: "Excuse me, Miss! Would you mind if we borrowed that salt shaker?"

Girl: "Huh? Oh... sure..."

She handed it over distractedly, barely looking up from her book.

Travers: "Thanks, sweetheart... Hey, what you reading?"

She popped her gum loudly.

Girl: "It’s The Edverse Chronicles, Volume 3, by Edward Mulvin."

Travers: "Huh... Never heard of it. Is it any good?"

Girl: "Ha! No... It’s bad. Like, really... really bad."

She leaned back in her chair, shaking her head before turning to Travers with some newfound enthusiasm.

Girl: "This guy has to be one of the worst writers in all of Waldonia. Apparently, he lives here in Widdlington — somewhere in Waverly Hills, probably. But he’s a total hack fraud..."

Travers: "Oh?"

Girl: "Yeah! Like, he blatantly just steals characters from other stories and jams them into his own because he can’t be bothered to invent his own half the time. I have no idea how he doesn’t get sued."

Travers: "Really? Well, I—"

Girl: "...And he constantly builds up these big, world-changing scenarios, only to get bored and wrap them up in a single page. You can tell there’s probably a ghostwriter sometimes, but it’s obvious the guy’s checked out half the time too . "

Travers: "I see... And... you’re still reading it?"

Girl: "Yeah." (nodding) "I’ve read all of them multiple times..."

Travers: "Why? It sounds like you hate them."

Girl: "No way, I love them!"

She pauses to pop her gum again.

Girl: "I mean, they’re objectively terrible, but they’re still a lot of fun. I like the characters. This one’s about a sleazy, womanizing lawyer who turns out to be an alternate personality of this deranged goblin from the earlier books. He gets in trouble with the mob after he’s outed as a federal informant."

Travers: "I like him already! Sounds like my kind of story."

Girl: "Yeah, he’s like the anti-hero... Anyway, he teams up with this uptight, stuffy dragon man who hates him but agrees to protect him. He’s pretty funny too. He’s always so angry! They’re just starting to become friends. I think with a competent editor, this could make a good movie."

The Master raised an eyebrow at the description of the characters, while Travers seemed oblivious to the resemblance.

The girl stood up and slipped her book into her bag.

Girl: "Well, I better get back to it. My lunch break will be over soon..."

Travers: "Of course. Thanks for the salt..."

The Master waited for Travers to comment on the conversation, but instead he just watched as Travers dug into his steak.

Master Devlin (dryly): "That’s rather curious, isn’t it... You would think this Edward Mulvin was writing about us, eh?"

Travers: "Us? What do you mean?"

Travers raised an eyebrow in confusion before returning to his food.

Master Devlin: "Really? A sleazy, womanizing goblin lawyer and an angry dragon man who protects him... That doesn’t ring any bells?"

Travers: "No? Should it? ...I was never really the bookworm type... or much for reading at all. Except Playpen and Goblins Illustrated, of course..."

The Master shook his head and finished his steak sandwich.

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Chapter 2:

Later, after lunch, the Master and Travers are walking down Wilford Brimley Road in the direction of Waldobury. The Master is lecturing Travers on the value of a Master's education in a renewed attempt to get him to reconsider becoming his pupil, but Travers isn’t paying any attention. He’s unusually quiet, deep in thought, when he suddenly stops, turns, and charges across the street — causing a Little Akiban Cab driver to swerve his rickshaw, plough through a fire hydrant, and crash through the front window of a WHSmith.

The Master takes stock of the carnage before turning his attention back to Travers, who is now scampering into the large Waldostones bookstore.

Inside, the Master storms in to find Travers talking to a Waldostones assistant.

Travers: "Do you have any of the Edverse books?? By Ed Asner?"

Retail Assistant: "Uh... we have The Edverse Saga Collection by Ed Mulvin, if that’s what you mean. It’s actually over here on the clearance shelf. 75% off."

Travers grabs it and starts scanning the box of volumes.

The Master storms up behind him.

Master Devlin: "Travers, what the hell was that? Did you see the damage you just caused??"

Travers: "Uh huh. Yeah, fine. Look at this..."

He grabs one of the books and starts reading the blurb on the back.

Travers: "Following the epic battle in Antarctica, Vol. 2 sees the heroes of Eddington now dealing with a new threat when one of their own is accused of unspecified crimes and abducted by a sinister shadow court that threatens not only the balance of justice and liberty for those in the present, but also the fate of the Edonian Empire — 600 years in the future."

He pauses, scratching his chin, trying to think.

Travers: "Master Devlin... don’t you think there’s something very familiar about all this?.. I can’t quite put my finger on it."

The Master stares at Travers.

Master Devlin: "You think, Travers?"

Travers: "I mean, look at these names! Trenton Havers… Major Kelvin Steele… Wyndell Farquaad… It reminds me of something… I just can't think what..."

The Master thinks for a moment, then chuckles.

Master Devlin: "Ed! It has to be. I never knew his last name. I think we need to have a chat with my old chum, the Editor. I suspect he’s deliberately left out the part where his teeth got smashed in Antarctica."

Travers: "I’m serious, Master Devlin. This is no time for your casual blasphemy! You’re always blaming our beloved Editor for—"

The Master buries his head in his hands.

Travers: "Wait a minute... Editor... Ed... Ed Mulvin?"

His eyes widen as the pieces finally click into place. The Master nods enthusiastically, pleased that Travers is finally catching on. Travers flips to the inner sleeve of one of the books and scans the text.

Travers: "Edward Waldo Mulvin is the acclaimed author of the popular Edverse series... A native of Waldoshire, UK, he currently resides in the town of Widdlington... Waldo??" (sighs) "I was hoping for more information. Maybe even a photo."

He lets the book drop slightly in his hands, clearly frustrated by the lack of concrete detail. The search for answers feels more elusive than ever, but Travers can’t shake the feeling that something important is hidden beneath the surface.

Travers: "We must buy this collection and do some research!" (raising his clawed finger to the ceiling) "If someone is making money off our adventures and not giving us our due credit, then I say we find this asshole and you kick his ass. Then I’ll threaten to sue his ass unless he pays us royalties... Well, Master Devlin, our money troubles are about to be over!"

The Master widens his mouth, unimpressed, and looks off to the side.

Travers: "Here, take these books and go pay for them, Major Steele. I’ll pay you back if you want."

The Master groans, grabbing a wheelbarrow and loading all the books into it. They exit the store as emergency services tend to the rickshaw accident across the street. A family inside the WHSmith had tragically been obliterated by the crash. Travers walks right past the chaos, blissfully unaware.

Master Devlin: "Travers, can’t you see what you’ve—"

Travers: "Y’know, this used to be a calm and quiet town... I told you we should’ve banned vehicles completely when we had the chance... but no."

Master Devlin: "Wasn’t it enough that you banned private ownership of cars as mayor?"

Travers: "Evidently, I should have banned all vehicles... It only takes 37 minutes to walk across Widdlington from one side to the other. There’s no need for transport. People are so Ed-damn lazy..."

Master Devlin: "...."

Travers: "You know, I’m a little tired from all this excitement."

He hops into the wheelbarrow, stretches his legs out amongst the books, and lies back, completely relaxed.

They pass by some people on the street staring at the wreckage. One is claiming that a small green child with a fake mustache caused the accident.

Travers: "Children! Bah!" (waving his hand dismissively) "You hear that, Master Devlin? I told you they should be banned too… But alas, thanks to you, Master Devlin, we are no longer in government. So it’s not our problem anymore. We have more pressing matters to deal with. Like finding this joker."

He waves one of the books in the air for emphasis. The Master shakes his head in continued disbelief.

Travers flips through the books, scanning for any information on the author.

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Chapter 3:

Back at the Master's large dormitory on the council grounds, Travers is lounging in a chair by the window, engrossed in one of the Edverse novels, having already devoured several in quick succession. At his desk, the Master works on his reports. Suddenly, he lets out a wet, spluttering fart that echoes through the room.

Travers’ eyes begin to water from the stench.

Travers: "Master Devlin! That sounded and smells utterly vile...I'm trying to read, and you are disrupting my research."

The Master responds with a Muttley-like snigger.

Travers: "I'm on book six by the way...Trenton Havers has just become Mayor after bringing down the evil dinosaur bird..."

Meanwhile, Waldo creeps in through the open window, slithering like a serpent. His movements are predatory, his wild, mad smirk widening as he approaches Travers unnoticed. With a sudden leap, Waldo lunges at him, and the two goblins collide. They morph into a large, featureless ball of green goo, bouncing chaotically around the room. The gelatinous mass smears slime on walls, ceilings, and furniture before the Master finally manages to separate them.

Travers sits dazed, disoriented, and visibly annoyed, while Waldo is raring for another round.

Master Devlin: "WIDDLE FRUNKUT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! You're going in that corner right now!"

The Master points at the corner, and Waldo slinks off, still grinning. Travers nods in agreement, only to be taken by surprise when the Master turns on him.

Master Devlin: "And you, Travers. That corner! NOW!"

Travers: "WHAT? Nooo, Master Devlin, you are punishing out of turn. I'm the victim here! I was just assaulted in a frenzied attack... by your pupil!"

He gestures toward Waldo, who waves back with a creepy, deranged grin.

Master Devlin: "I don’t care, Travers. You must have done something to antagonize him. Now get in the corner!"

Travers sulks as he joins Waldo in punishment. He glares at his fellow goblin, who is still smirking smugly. Travers begins to regret ever declaring Waldo a national treasure.

wF: "The masssssta is Polish!" Master Devlinzyck is his true name!"

The Master storms over to Waldo, seizes him, and puts him over his knee. Without hesitation, he starts smacking the goblin's bottom.

Master Devlin: "You will not make false claims about your Master's nationality!"

Waldo screeches, then liquefies into slime and slithers up the Master's body. With unsettling ease, he oozes into the dragon’s nostrils. The Master shrieks, his instincts triggering his "Sharptooth" reaction, as he claws at his snout. Goblin snot bubbles form as he gags and struggles.

Travers seizes his chance for revenge, lighting his cigar and using it to burn the Master's bottom. The dragon's trousers suddenly ignite, engulfing him in flames.

Travers: "Fire! Fffffire—FIRE! ...WATER! I'll get water—somewhere!"

The Master flails wildly, then crashes through the second-story window, landing with a thud in the campus courtyard. He staggers to his feet and dives, bottom-first, into a nearby fountain, extinguishing the fire. As he splashes in the water, he expels a large blob of goblin slime from his nose. The blob reverts to Waldo’s goblin form, who gleefully starts paddling in the fountain.

wF: "Let's do that again, Stan! That was fun!"

A crowd gathers, staring at the drenched, seething Master as he sits nursing his scorched rear. Travers comes running in between their legs with a fire extinguisher.

Travers: "Out of my way! This is an emergency! . National Treasure Travers here to the rescue!"

He sprays a fire extinguisher directly in the Master's face.

The Master’s head turns ghostly white under the foam, masking his fury.

Travers: "Don't worry, folks! It's safe now... No need to thank me. Your constant adulation is more than enough. You know, I helped put out the Great Fire of London—"

Waldo is laughing and splashing water at the Master.

wF: "Hey, Masta! You finally got your wish! You're finally a white man! Albeit a Romanian one. Which doesn’t really count,"

Master Ron, a council elder, approaches the commotion, confused.

Ron: "What’s going on here? Did the Challenger blow up again?" Oh... Master Devlin, this fountain was built in honor of my dear friend, Maggie... Maggie, uh..."

He pauses, lost in thought.

Ron: "Well, anyway, it’s not a swimming pool. I need all my councilmen at the top of their game, not lounging about in fountains. We’re invading Grenada tomorrow. I must say, I’m very disappointed in you, Master Devlin. I expected better of you. May Ed have mercy on your soul."

With that, Master Ron wanders off aimlessly.

Master Devlin: "I’m very angry right now..."

wF: "MARCO!" (splashing some more)

Dr. Linda Shawn appears, rushing to guide Master Ron away.

Dr. Shawn: "Oh dear... come along, Ronald. You shouldn’t be wandering around out here. Have you had your medication today?" she asks, taking his hand.

Travers steps between them, incensed.

Travers: "Take your filthy hands off that man!" (pointing his claw at her).

He turns to Ron.

Travers: "Master Ron, don't listen to this woman. She will bewitch you with her lady bits and then turn you into a tyrant, as she did to me! I was good mayor until she came along, then i became mad with power, all thanks to her bad influence! Tell him, Master Devlin!"

Ron: "Well, I uh...I think I should stay here with Master Travers, Doctor. I don't want to take any more of those pills. They make me feel unwell."

Master Devlin: "Quiet Travers! Ronald, you should go with Dr Shawn, you need proper therapy..."

The Master then turns to Travers.

Master Devlin: "You were not a good mayor Travers. Quite frankly you were appalling. You were a sex fiend and a maniac drunk on power. You kept making a series of horrible decisions and then taking absolutely no responsibility for your actions. Kind of like what you are doing now. Dr Shawn was brought in to try and tackle your sex addiction and your decline into madness. The only reason you are bitter towards her is because she repeatedly refused to give you oil changes. The only person to blame is you Travers and no one else. That will be enough out of you, now get on board."

Travers: "So...She still has you under her spell too? Fine. I will deal with this myself."

Travers pulls out a 38. Snubnose revolver from his pocket and points it at the doctor.

Travers: "You are not taking Master Ron! He's a fellow national treasure."

Waldo looks around in excitement, mouth open wide. Things just got interesting.

Master Devlin: "Are you completely out of your mind, Travers?"

The Master shouts as he lunges at Travers to grab the gun but it goes off. Travers ends up sprawled on the ground with the Master on top of him.

wF: "Ha! GAAAY!"

The Master rolls off Travers, revealing a bullet wound in his gut. The dragon snarls, coughing up blood.

Master Devlin: "You son of a bitch, Travers!"

Travers: "Master Devlin, what the hell are you—oh... oh no... no! Somebody get a doctor!"

Master Devlin: "You shot me, you prick!"

Travers: "I didn't mean to! Why did you lunge at me??"

Master Devlin: "You were going to shoot people!"

Travers: "No, I wasn’t... I was just—"

Dr. Shawn rushes forward to aid Master Devlin, but Travers reflexively raises the gun, pointing it at her again.

Travers: "NOT YOU, BITCH! A real doctor..."

Masters Council head physician, Dr. Beverly Crusher, suddenly appears.

Dr. Crusher: "I'm a real doctor. Get out of the way, please!"

She pushes through the crowd before attending to the Master and scanning him with her medical tricorder.

Dr. Shawn: "Travers, why do you have a gun?"

Travers: "For protection, of course!"

Master Devlin: "Protection from what?? You're the only one here with a gun! This isn’t America, goddammit."

Travers: "Well, as hard as it is to believe, not everyone I encounter is as happy to see me... I was a tyrannical dictator for a few weeks. Most have forgotten but not everyone... A few are still quite aggressive and hostile!"

Dr. Shawn: "Yet somehow, I am to blame for that?"

Travers: "Exactly! You encouraged my madness with your psychobabble... Self-love and all that crap. It turned me into a hedonistic monster with no control..."

Master Devlin: "Travers... get out of my sight!"

Travers: "No, Master Devlin... I’m not leaving you. You are my only friend. It was an accident! We both made mistakes..."

Waldo jumps between them.

wF: "Oh lighten up, Travie! We shoots the masta all the time. He's just playing the victim! We'll sort him out..."

Waldo then rushes towards the Master and Dr Crusher.

wF: "Move bitch, get out the way! Doctor Waldo is in the house!"

Waldo then picks up Dr Crusher and throws her seven feet away, into the fountain with a splash. He reaches into the bullet wound with his clawed goblin fingers and grabs some intestines and starts dragging them out. The master snarls in pain. Flames shoot from his nostrils.

wF: "You see the problem with the masta is that he eats too many link sausages and getsa tummy ache. We need to extract them! Here, Travie, take these!"

Waldo dumps a bundle of intestines in Travers' arms, who looks like he's about to vomit.

Travers: "But doesn't he need these?"

wF: "Not at all. Trust me, I'm a medical doctor with centuries of experience."

Ron: "Don't worry master devlin. We'll get to the bottom of this. I bet it was those damn Libyans again."

The Master starts to go into shock. A soaked Dr. Crusher reappears.

Dr. Crusher: "Oh my... Widdle Frunkut! Stop that! You’re going to kill him!"

wF: "Silent wench! Begone! Medicine is no business of females!"

Travers: "No, Wally, I think we should listen to her. This doesn't seem right at all... The Master is bleeding all over the courtyard!"

Waldo and Travers start squabbling which quickly turns into another goblin scuffle, forming a new green ball of chaos which allows Dr Crusher to help Master Devlin. He's soon put on a stretcher and taken inside. Goblin Slayer, acting as Council security shows up and picks up Travers and Waldo in each hand. They both frantically wriggle like a pair of cats.

Dr. Shawn: "Detain them both in the psychiatric wing immediately. Assign them each to secure observation cells until further assessment can be conducted."

Travers: "Under who's authority??" Sir Goblin Slayer, this woman is a succubus. She has the council bewitched..."

wF: "YEAH! What the mayor man said!" Waldo agreed, still wriggling.

Goblin Slayer ignores their protests and carries them off to the psychiatric wing of the infirmary.

wF: "Don't think Goblin Slayer he likes us's very much...Must be racisms."

Heading downstairs to the basement area, Waldo’s personal cell awaits him—it’s a familiar sight since he’s a regular. The small enclosure, about 3 feet wide by 2 feet deep and elevated 4 feet off the ground, is embedded in the wall. Inside, the cell's interior is decorated with various drawings he has made over time, giving it a personal touch.

Sliding open the door and placing Waldo inside, he quickly makes himself at home. He hops onto his tiny bed, clutching a well-worn stuffed toy of his master, and pulls out a harmonica and begins to play.

Travers is also placed in a separate goblin-sized observation cell nearby, ensuring both are securely contained.

As Waldo’s off-key harmonica wail filled the air, Travers sat stiffly on the edge of the cot in his unfamiliar cell, eyeing the cold, confining walls.

Enter the Edverse continues in Enter the Edverse Part Two