Enter The Edverse: Part Three

The following takes place following: Enter the Edverse: Part Two

Chapter 7

Back at the Council grounds, the trio sit at an outdoor table near Kaz’s burger van, Pax Hamburgana. As they wait for their chemical burgers, a sudden scream pierces the courtyard.

They turn to see Dr. Shawn sprinting out of her office building — covered in tarantulas.

Travers’ face lights up with glee as she tears off her blouse and skirt to rid herself of the spiders crawling across her back. Still screaming, she darts across the lawn in nothing but her underwear, disappearing behind the large trees.

Master Devlin watches in stunned silence before slowly turning to glare at Waldo. He raises his hand, ready to strike.

Master Devlin: “Widdle Frunkut! Did you have something to do with this?”

wF: “Why you blamin’ Wiffuhuh?! Wiffuhuh is reformed! A noble goblin! Besides, we’ve been here the whole time!”

The Master growls angrily to himself, unconvinced.

****

A few days later, the Master sat once again beside Kaz’s truck, waiting for his lunch. He was still troubled by their meeting with the so-called editor — not The Editor, but Frank — and remained unsure how to proceed.

In his gut, he felt the old pull — the desire to visit DRG and unleash his lust for violence. Yet the memory of Emperor Travers shaming him for his past deeds lingered. Perhaps, he thought, it was best to wait... to consider all options.

He glanced over at Travers and Waldo, who were playing together nearby. Watching them scamper up and down a tree like a pair of deranged squirrels brought a faint smile to his otherwise stern, pointy mouth.

Kaz approached and set down a tray of burgers in front of him.

Kaz: “Bon appétit, boss. By the way… you hear they found another girl’s body? That psycho is playing the cops like a damn fiddle...”

Before the Master could respond, a frumpy, drunk-looking Dr. Shawn staggered up and slumped into the seat across from him without a word.

Kaz: "Oh hey, Dr. Shawn... You look..."

Dr. Shawn: "Like hell, I know. That's because these past few days have been hell. Gimme a couple of chemical burgers... In fact, make it four..."

Kaz: "Coming right up..."

The Master was quite taken aback at how haggard she looked. Her hair was a mess, seemingly falling out in places. Her glasses were broken, held together with tape at the bridge. She wore a frumpy grey hoodie and baggy joggies.

She pulled out a brown paper bag with a bottle concealed inside and knocked it back. Then she turned to the Master.

Dr. Shawn: "Someone is trying to destroy my life, Steven. I don't know who. I don't know why but..."

She started to sob. The Master reached across the table and placed a pointy paw on her shoulder.

Dr. Shawn: "It started a few days ago. Someone filled my office with hundreds of spiders. At first I thought it was some sick joke, but then more started to happen..."

Kaz returned with the burgers.

Kaz: "Like what?"

Dr. Shawn: "...Someone... Deepfaked me. Put these videos of what looks like me on the internet, peforming oral sex on some guy. What's worse, is that it's really well done. I mean, REALLY WELL DONE. If I didn't know better, I'd believe it was real..."

Kaz: "Huh?? That's terrible... Where? What website??"

Dr. Shawn: "I don't know... A whole bunch of them. Those free porno sites. Like Wanktube or something... They even put my real name up. Dr. Shawn's BJ ASMR Therapy..."

Master Devlin: "Oh dear."

Kaz: "Hmm... Um... Excuse me for a moment. I think... my... uh burgers are burning..."

Kaz ran into his truck and shut the door.

Dr. Shawn: "It gets worse. Whoever did it reported me to the WRS. Now I’m being audited. They think I’m an amateur pornstar cheating on my taxes... Then I have immigration — the WIF — knocking at my door, claiming I’m an illegal Russian immigrant.

Do I sound Russian to you?? Apparently I’m part of some trafficking ring...

I’ve got seven days to produce my birth certificate, but I think it’s been stolen. It’s not where it should be. I tried to tell them I’ve never left Widdlington. I don’t even have a passport!

My bank has closed my account because they think I’m dead...

I’ve just come from Master Robert’s office, trying to explain that none of it is true. Apparently, bestiality magazines have been delivered to the main office addressed to me...

I’ve been put on suspension, pending investigation..."

She pauses, then continues with a grim tone.

Dr. Shawn: "I also received this, this morning."

She pulls out several manuscript pages.

Dr. Shawn: "It appears to be a continuation of that weird book that was sent to my office before. Apparently, Dr. Chilton isn’t my only fictional counterpart. Most of these pages are about a woman named Shoshana 'Shawna' Ryder — the President of the United Sovereign States of Edonia — who finds herself in the middle of an impeachment process after a secret cabal starts framing her for a variety of things.

Very similar to what’s happened to me this past week. A fake porn sex scandal. Fraud. Etc. It’s uncanny..."

Master Devlin: "This is ridiculous! I’ll speak with Master Robert. Surely he hasn’t forgotten that we protect our own here at the Masters Council. We don’t punish staff based on unproven claims—especially when something strange is clearly going on. I’ll see to it you’re at least suspended with full pay and allowed to stay in your quarters. You’re entitled to full legal protection."

He storms off toward the Council building. Dr. Shawn quietly chews her chemical burger, eyes dull.

He’s away for about fifteen minutes, then returns — visibly furious.

Master Devlin: "Well… Master Robert has advised me that further accusations have come to light. Apparently, you’ve created a slave network from your patients."

Dr. Shawn drops her head onto the table with a groan.

Master Devlin: "That said, he agrees it’s all highly suspicious—too much at once to be a coincidence. There’s likely outside interference. So, he’s approved full Council protection for you."

There’s a violent creaking sound. The Master and Dr. Shawn turn just in time to see a nearby tree crash to the ground. Travers, who’d been perched at the top, is launched through the air and crashes into them, landing face-first on her burger plate.

Shaking his head, Travers looks up at them.

Travers: "Hello, Major!... Madam President?! My goodness! I do apologize for dropping in like this. Lt. General Trenton Havers, at your service, ma'am. It’s a real honor!"

He begins shaking her hand with wild enthusiasm.

Travers: "I just want you to know that I voted for you three times and I watch your videos every day! Don’t listen to the naysayers. If a woman wants to make videos of herself changing a man’s oil and put them on the Interwebs, then, dammit, that’s her right as an Edonian—even if she is President!"

He stands, then leans in and whispers:

Travers: "You should know that you have my full support—and that of the men under my command. If they try to remove you from office, just give the word and we’ll step in..."

Dr. Shawn: "I don't have to deal with this crap! I'm on suspension..."

She stands up and pulls a crumpled plastic bag from her hoody pocket, and starts picking the burgers off the grass, one by one. She blows on the last one, takes a bite, and storms off.

Just then, Jonathan Frakes strolls past to get his daily stack of chemical burgers.

Frakes: "Hey, Dr. Shawn. Congratulations on the new career! Love the videos."

She flinches, shoulders tensing, but says nothing—just shakes her head and keeps walking. Frakes sits down across from the Master and Travers, flipping open a magazine.

Frakes: "Where’s Kaz? It’s burger time… it’s a fact!"

Master Devlin: "I think he’s still in the van…"

Frakes grows impatient, gets up, walks to the burger van, and opens the door.

Frakes: "Kaz??"

Kaz: "Huh?? Don’t come in! Uh... I’ll be right with you!" a panicked voice shouts from inside.

Frakes stops, calmly closes the door, and returns to his seat without a word. He eyes the Master’s untouched chemical burger.

Frakes: "Are you eating that?"

Master Devlin: "What’s he doing in there?"

Frakes: "Watching porn… Dr Shawn’s ASMR BJ videos."

The Master groans.

Master Devlin (shouting): "Wash your hands, Kaz, before preparing any more food!"

The Master slides the cold burger over to Frakes.

Frakes: "Thanks… So, been up to many adventures lately?"

Master Devlin: "You could say that… I know you’re trying to make small talk, but as the ‘Waldoverse fact-checker’, shouldn’t you know?"

Frakes: "I’m not fact checker currently. I’m on strike."

Master Devlin: "On strike for what?"

Frakes: "The co-editor keeps making me grotesquely obese. Then when I get in shape, he turns me into this flabby-skinned freak. I think he has it in for me. He’s always torturing me. I refuse to work until I’m treated with dignity…"

Master Devlin: "Hmmm… KAZ… burgers… right now!"

Kaz (calling from the van): "Yeah! Okay… just a minute… DAMN IT!"

Frakes: "I’ve put a formal complaint to the Editor, but he says his hands are tied."

Master Devlin: "You think you have it tough? The Editor has maliciously targeted Dr Shawn. Kaz is in there right now, beating off to a deepfake of her."

Frakes: "Deepfake?"

Master Devlin: "Yes."

Frakes: "Not a chance… It’s real, alright…"

Master Devlin: "That’s ridiculous… She wouldn’t…"

Frakes: "It’s fact. If you don’t believe me, I’m sure your council computer geeks will confirm with the metadata, or whatever…"

Master Devlin: "Hmm… I thought you were on strike?"

Frakes: "You get that one for free. It amuses me."

Kaz finally returns, carrying a platter with a large stack of chemical burgers.

Kaz: "Sorry about the wait, Boss! Here they are! These are on the house!"

Master Devlin: "What were you doing in there?"

Kaz: "Oh, nothing. My mechanical arm just seized up… Motor got jammed."

Master Devlin: "Hrmm… I’m sure."

Widdle Frunkut suddenly appears out of nowhere, leaping past Kaz and gulping down the burgers mid-air. He lands on the grass, temporarily obese.

Kaz: "Huh??"

Kaz, Frakes, and Master Devlin stare in disbelief at Waldo.

The Master barks, rising in a rage.

Master Devlin: "That does it! Come on, Travers! We're going to see the Goldensteins..."

wF(belching): "Can wiffuhuh come?"

Master Devlin: "Fine…"

Waldo stretches out his arms for a pickup—too fat to walk.

Master Devlin: "How did you get so fat, Waldo?"

wF: "Chemical Burgers, Sir. Instant inflation. It’s a goblin thing… We'll be fine in half an hour or so."

Suddenly, Skunk VI, dressed as a court jester, materializes out of thin air and swings a sledgehammer into the Master’s back. The Master drops to his knees in pain.

Skunk VI: "April Fools!"

Waldo chuckles as the skunk creature skips away.

Master Devlin: "Son of a bitch!"

The Master struggles to his feet. Dr. Crusher appears to help him.

Dr. Crusher: "Are you alright, Master Devlin?"

Master Devlin: "I’ll be fine, just need my back cracked… Hey, Goblin Slayer! I need your help."

wF: "Dr. Waldo will do it!"

Waldo pulls a bag of his "medical tools" out of his pocket.

Master Devlin: "No… no god no… not you! You’ll just remove my spine!"

Goblin Slayer wanders over.

Master Devlin: "Ah, Goblin Slayer, I need you to wrap these straps around me and that tree. Then pull tight."

Goblin Slayer: "Hrrmmm. Fine..."

Goblin Slayer pulls the straps taut as the Master instructed. The tree begins to bend.

Master Devlin: "That’s it! A little more!"

The Master lets out a loud, long fart as he’s squeezed by the straps. Dr. Crusher immediately looks away, waving her hand in front of her face in disgust.

Meanwhile, Waldo sneaks up and snips the straps with a pair of scissors. The sudden release sends Goblin Slayer flying toward the Council gates, where he crashes headfirst through the railings. Chicks flutter around his dazed head.

At the same time, the tree snaps back into place, surprisingly realigning the Master’s back perfectly. He straightens up, suddenly feeling a lot better—and realizes he no longer needs his walking stick.

Goblin Slayer stumbles to his feet, still a little dazed. He spots Widdle Frunkut awkwardly trying to hide the scissors in his many pockets, but his slippery hands betray him.

Goblin Slayer stomps over, shaking with rage.

wF: "Hi there, Gobbie... he he... Um..."

With one swift palm, Goblin Slayer crushes Waldo’s head down to his feet. Waldo retracts like an accordion. Without a word, Goblin Slayer storms off, leaving behind a flattened Widdle Frunkut-shaped pancake on the ground.

The Master, feeling like a new dragon, smiles at Goblin Slayer’s response but knows it’s time to move on and get back to the story.

Master Devlin: "Come along, you two."

Travers hops onto the Master’s shoulders. For Waldo, the Master pulls a plastic bag filled with green goo and a pair of angry eyes from his pocket, carefully scooping him inside.

===========================================================================

Chapter 8

The Master, Travers, and wF (still in the plastic bag) wander into the Jewish district in Walford Heights. The place is riddled with markets and a lot of crazy goings-on.

The Master hands Travers a bag of coins. Travers looks delighted.

Master Devlin: "It’s not for you, Travers. You’ll need it to tip around here. You won’t be able to do anything or get anywhere without it."

They wander into the HQ building of DRG Investments. As they approach the front desk, they encounter a large, grumpy slug-like creature. She has a wrinkled face with sharp eyes behind oversized glasses, a permanent frown, and a pale, greenish complexion. Dressed in a frumpy cardigan, she taps her long, bony fingers impatiently on the desk. Her unwelcoming glare makes it clear she sees them as a mere inconvenience.

They walk up to the receptionist.

Master Devlin: "Excuse me, Madam, I’m here to see David and Adam Ruben Goldenstein..."

The receptionist looks up at the Master, then down at Travers, peering at him over her glasses. Travers winks at her and does a sleazy smile, snapping his fingers and pointing at her suggestively. Unamused, the middle-aged receptionist turns back to her computer terminal. The Master skelps Travers.

Receptionist: "Mr Goldenstein and Mr Goldenstein are both very busy. Do you have an appointment?"

Master Devlin: "No, I don’t. But both Mr Goldensteins are going to want to see me. I am Master Devlin. They know who I am."

The receptionist scowls at the Master.

Receptionist: "Just a moment... Mr Goldenstein, there’s a Master Devlin here asking to see you."

Intercom: "Send him up."

Receptionist: "Yes, sir... You can take the elevator over there. Twelfth floor."

They get in the lift and head up.

****

Travers: "There was no need to hit me for that, Master Devlin. Striking a national treasure... Shameful."

Master Devlin: "You were an embarrassment. Do you honestly have no limits?"

Travers: "There's no need to be so judgmental, Master Devlin... I'm not emperor or even a famous lawyer anymore... I'm an unemployed goblin in a cheap suit. I've had to lower my standards accordingly. It was worth a shot... She looked like she'd give a mean oil change."

Master Devlin: "I understand your circumstances have changed, but she was a wretched old crone who probably eats bucketloads of goblins for her lunch. She would consume you whole — never mind the oil change!"

They arrive at the 12th floor to find a large open-plan reception area. The notably less ugly receptionist at her desk tells them to go straight through.

Travers, the Master, and the Waldo plastic bag enter a large executive suite. David Rubin-Goldenstein is standing, staring out his tall windows, looking down upon Widdlington.

DRG: "Ah. Master Devlin... Mr Travers... What an unpleasant surprise."

The plastic bag shakes.

Travers: "Uh... we brought Widdle Frunkut too!"

DRG: "Of course you did. Naturally... He's always there. Always, always there... So — why are you here? I'm a busy man. Is this really what you've come to bother me about?"

Master Devlin: "We are here because it has come to our attention that your company has been publishing a franchise of books following our lives, albeit with changed names for the main characters... The level of detail about our lives in those books is surprising to say the least — information that not even a slippery creature like yourself should know. So, we’ve come to ask: where did you get your information?"

DRG: "DRG House is a humble publishing company. We aren't writing the books. Granted, we may insist on some changes here and there to make it fall in line with our company values — but the information comes from the author..."

wF: "ZZZZzzzzzzzzZZZz..."

Goldenstein looks down at the Master’s plastic bag. The green goo seems to be snoozing.

Travers: "Yeah! And we already spoke to the author. He showed us your threatening letters... trying to add your bullshit."

Master Devlin: "Most of all, we don’t appreciate the blatant plagiarism of our lives..."

DRG: [snorts] "And I suppose you’re here to stop me?"

The Master nudges Travers and whispers in the goblin’s ear.

Master Devlin: "Pull some lawyer shit."

Travers: "You are out of turn, sir! You are infringing on rights to our, um... likenesses and, uh... defamation. Um..."

Travers flounders.

Travers: "Damn it, Master Devlin. I’m a General, not a lawyer!"

DRG raises an eyebrow in puzzlement.

DRG: "Alright... enough of this charade."

Shaking his head, DRG walks over to his desk and pushes a button.

Several large, bulky bald Black men and a small Orthodox Jew with gold teeth carrying nunchucks enter.

DRG: "Tell the Scribes that I'm not going to be so easily intimidated... If they want me to stop using my power to interfere, then they better give me what I want. You can tell them for me. In fact, why don't we just send them your bodies instead? I'm sure they'll get the message."

Master Devlin: "What Scribes? What are you talking about?"

DRG: "Don't play dumb with me. I know they sent you. You're here to stop me challenging them."

Master Devlin: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

DRG: "Enough of this. Take them outside and deal with them. Put their bodies on display in the town square!"

The heavies begin to approach.

The Master shakes the plastic bag.

Master Devlin: "Wake up, Waldo..."

The bag wriggles.

Bag: "Huh? Wha?"

Master Devlin: "Battle."

The Master throws the plastic bag at one of the baddies and Waldo splats on him, before regaining his form and starts to rumble. The Master also charges into the brawl. Travers tries to talk and gets whacked in the face by the nunchucks guy.

The Master farts in the face of one of the big guys, stunning him, before punching him so hard he crashes through the window and plummets to the ground. Waldo, mad with bloodlust, is mauling the remaining men.

As the Master pounds the face out of another bulky goon, Waldo turns to the small Jewish man with the nunchucks and begins robbing him of his gold teeth, violently yanking them out and stuffing them into his pocket.

Soon after, they too are dispatched out the window. DRG is starting to panic. This hasn’t gone as he expected.

Travers stumbles to his feet, wanders over, takes one of DRG’s cigars, and lights up.

Travers: "Now, Mr. Goldenstein. We will discuss a new treaty..."

DRG: "So... what? You’re going to murder me now too? Just like you did to my father and stepmother? You can kill me, but someone else will just take my place. You can’t defeat an idea... My stepmother may be dead, but her spirit lives on. I continue to champion her cause. And so will others. No matter what you do... You tell the scribes that!"

Master Devlin: "That wasn’t the plan. But you chose violence, and continue to play the victim..."

DRG: "I am the victim! This is just plain old-fashioned anti-semitism!"

Master Devlin: "Of course... That’s it... Nothing to do with you being an evil son of a bitch..."

The Master punches DRG and tosses him into his chair.

Waldo walks over, covered in blood, with a mad smirk on his face. Travers hands him a cigar and lights it. They watch as the Master does his thing.

wF: "You’re in trouble now, sunshine..."

The Master finds some rope and ties DRG to the chair, then ties the other end of the chair to his desk.

Master Devlin: "Waldo, if you’ll please?"

wF burns the cigar into DRG. DRG screams.

Master Devlin: "So, David, are you going to tell us who is feeding the information about us for these books?"

DRG: "Sick... sons of bitches... You know who!"

Master Devlin: "Very well..."

The Master grabs the chair and runs back, smashing it out the window. DRG falls until the rope tightens. Hanging there, strapped to the chair, the Master calls down to him.

Master Devlin: "So, are you going to tell me now, or shall we let you go?"

DRG (screaming): "ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! Fine! It’s the Scribes... I thought you were sent by them... The ideas come from them. I don’t know where they get them..."

Travers: "Who are the Scribes?"

DRG: "I don’t know... no one knows. They’re a secret cabal. I don’t even know how many there are... Only that they control everything in the Waldoverse..."

Master Devlin: "WHAT?"

DRG: "It’s true... Everything! Even our beloved Empress... She’s just another pawn... They’re the real power in this realm!"

Master Devlin: "How do you get this information?"

DRG: "What information??"

Master Devlin: "Cut the rope, Waldo..."

DRG: "No! Wait! Look... The Scribes use the Ed Mulvin guy as a front. He takes credit for writing the books... I don’t know why... I guess it’s a joke to them. Putting the real-life Waldoverse stories they’ve orchestrated in a book series that no one’s heard of, published by some no-name publisher... Only they didn’t count on us challenging them... We bought the company out, Gentoo Publishing, and DRG House put the Edverse books on the shelves of major retailers..."

Master Devlin: "Then you started pushing for changes... diversity and such? Sending demands to Mulvin?"

DRG: "Yes... That’s right."

Master Devlin: "Why?"

DRG: "Because I want what they have, damn it! I want true power... to shape the Waldoverse as I see fit... I want to join them, but they wouldn’t have me... So, I thought if I could show them that DRG Investments was a force to be reckoned with, they’d let me in... That meant causing some trouble for them in the short run..."

wF (scratching his head): "Why all the stupid diversity stuff?"

DRG: "Nothing divides people in this day and age like multiculturalism and forced diversity... My stepmother was a foolish idealist. She genuinely believed the crap she was spouting, but I know the true value of her ideology. To sow division and distrust among a populace. To antagonize the natives and victimise the newcomers... To keep them all fighting while we do what we want to get done. And if I can’t join the Scribes then I’m gonna burn the Waldoverse down..."

Travers: "That is some plan, pal... Too bad you didn’t count on Harris Travers, national treasure, foiling your elaborate schemes... Or Trenton Havers, for that matter..."

He looks to the Master.

Travers: "Which one am I, again?"

They hear a woman’s voice and look toward the office doorway. A young woman wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and black high-heeled boots walks in, talking on the phone.

Girl: "I’ve just stepped into his office, I’ll..."

She stops as she notices the signs of carnage and sees the trio standing by the broken window.

Travers: "Hey, wait a minute. I know you... You’re that girl from the diner!"

She immediately turns and runs away.

Travers: "Stay with him, Master Devlin! We’ll get her. Come on, Wally!"

The two goblins set off in pursuit.

DRG: "Look, I’ve told you everything I know... Now... pull me back up. Please!"

Master Devlin: "No, no, I don’t think so. You and I are going to have a little bit of fun first. You do realise this would’ve gone down a lot better if you had just told me what I needed to know and hadn’t sent your heavies on us."

DRG: "Like I should trust a violent thug to be reasonable! You murdered my father and my stepmother! You and your band of freaks!"

Master Devlin: "You sent your goons after us. We just came here for a civilized discussion. You’re no better than what you’re making us out to be."

Waldo and Travers return, empty-handed.

Travers: "Well, Master Devlin, we have good news and some bad news..."

Master Devlin: "What happened? Where’s the girl?"

Travers: "Well, the bad news is the girl got away... but the good news is we got to see her boobs!"

Waldo nods enthusiastically with a proud smile.

The Master sighs.

Travers: "The tricksy minx... she used her goddamn boob magic to trick us! We had her cornered, see, then all of a sudden she lifts up her top! Talk about stacked... Wowie wow wow wowzers! You should’ve seen them, I tell you, those things were..."

Master Devlin: "TRAVERS."

Travers: "What? Oh right... anyway, I was in some kind of titty trance and then apparently she offered to marry Mr. Waldo here if he helped her escape."

Waldo nods enthusiastically.

Travers: "Next thing I know, he lunges at me and we’re rolling along the ceiling. It’s like she knew our exact weaknesses and exploited them!"

The Master shakes his head, though hardly surprised.

Master Devlin: "You mean to tell me she got away because she flashed her tits? You total fucking idiot, Travers. She’s a goddamn fan of these books for fuck’s sake. She knows all of Trenton Havers’ weaknesses, i.e. your weaknesses. She also knows that Waldo will just marry anyone."

Travers: "Why are you getting so mad at me? It was Mr. Waldo who turned on me. It was a betrayal of biblical proportions! Like in the holy Waldoversian scriptures that tell of how in the early days, the Editor and Co-Editor worked side by side to clean up the crime-ridden realm—fighting all the way to the big boss, only to have the Co-Editor turn on the Editor at the 11th hour..."

Waldo nods enthusiastically.

wF: "Praise the Ed! He vanquished that stupid pizza!"

The Master pulls DRG up and back through the window. There is a strong smell of piss and shit coming from him.

Master Devlin: "Well now, Mr. Goldenstein, the question is—what do we do with you?"

wF: "Tar and feather him!"

Master Devlin: "Capital. Waldo, I understand you have some GB tar?"

wF: "Maybe..."

Waldo rummages around in his pocket. He pulls out a large tub of tar, followed by a couple of chickens, and proceeds to go to work.

wF: "There we are! Now, can we extract the teeth?"

Master Devlin: "Is that really necessary?"

wF: "No, but fun!" Waldo says, brandishing a pair of pliers. "And we need to find out if it’s safe!"

Master Devlin: "Very well, proceed, Widdle Frunkut..."

Travers looks a little queasy as Waldo goes to work, and DRG howls in agony as his teeth are removed one by one. Waldo then melts into goo form, slips inside DRG’s bloody mouth, and possesses him.

Freeing himself from the binds, DRG leaps out of the chair.

Waldenstein: "Hey, look masta! Wiffuhuh is a jew now! Ha ha ha. You may call me Waldenstein!"

Master Devlin: "WIDDLE FRUNKUT! Get out of there!"

Waldenstein: "Come on, Pazlow... Give us a hug!"

The Master recoils as Waldenstein gets tar and feathers on him. Waldenstein then starts stroking the Master's shoulder in a creepy Waldo fashion. The tar is starting to cause obvious corrosive burns on DRG's skin.

Travers: "Uh... Should I leave you two alone?"

Master Devlin: "No! Get out of his body, Waldo! We are leaving!"

Waldenstein: "Else what?"

Master Devlin: "I’ll come over there and grab you!"

Waldenstein: "Fat chance, pops!"

The Master takes a swipe at Waldenstein, prompting him to defensively jump back.

Waldenstein: "Hahaha, too slow, old Stan!"

Waldenstein starts to do a little victory dance—unaware he’s at the very edge of the broken window. He realizes too late and lets out a classic Waldo scream as he falls backward out the window. He hits numerous ledges on the way down before crashing onto the Wald Street pavement with a crunch.

Master Devlin: "Oh dear..."

A concerned crowd of suits gathers around DRG’s broken body, gasping as a trail of Waldo goo leaks out of his ear and scurries away.

wF (shouting): “Can’t catch Wiffuhuh, no doubt pizzaz! Ha ha!”

“Someone call a doctor! I think he’s still alive!” a pedestrian cries.

Master Devlin: “Well Travers… I think it’s probably a good idea that we leave. Right now.”

They slip away quietly, avoiding the front entrance. As more people gather around DRG’s crumpled form, the trio disappears down a nearby alley.

A block away, they round a corner and find themselves face-to-face with a provocatively dressed, middle-aged redhead.

Woman: “Hey, howzit goin’? You boys lookin’ t’ pahty? I’ll give ya a twofer discount…” she says in a thick Boston accent.

Master Devlin: “No thank you, madam. We have important business to attend to.”

The Master notices Travers gawking, his moustache visibly trembling.

Woman: “Wha’? I’m not good enough for ya? Think you’re better than me, huh?”

Master Devlin: “Good day, madam…”

Woman: “Don’t you walk away from me, ya fuckin’ mook! I saw you two toss that guy out the window. That’s right. Saw it from across the street. Maybe if you don’t wanna tawk to me, I’ll just go tawk to the cops instead… How’d ya like that, huh?”

The Master stops and turns back to face the woman.

Master Devlin: “Lady, I honestly don’t give a fuck what you do. I’m mean, nasty, and tired. I’ve had a long day dealing with scumbags making threats not too dissimilar to yours. It’s your word against mine… So go ahead. Do your worst.”

Woman: “Y’know what? Go fuck yaself! Fuckin’ mook! Get outta here!”

Master Devlin: “Yeah, yeah. Come along, Travers.”

Travers reluctantly follows.

Travers: “I suppose it’s for the best. I’m reformed now... On the wagon.”

The Master gives him a sympathetic look as Travers tries to hide his disappointment.

Master Devlin: “Travers… would you like to go to the Sasshole Lounge?”

Travers: “No... No thank you, Master Devlin. I just wanna go home. I think I need to find a hobby. Model railway or something…”

Master Devlin: “What would you like to do as a career? Your legal career’s probably down the pan, if we’re being honest.”

Travers: “Yeah… Not to mention my career in the military!”

Master Devlin: “Travers, you’re not General Trenton Havers. You are Harris Travers. Now what would you like to do?”

Travers: “I dunno… burn stuff? I feel kinda dissatisfied. I still don’t get what the deal with the books is. Who are these scribes? Why was the diner girl at the office? Did she set us up from the start?”

The Master sighs.

Master Devlin: “I don’t know. I think we were happier before we knew any of this. I’d wager the Editor is one of them. Ed mentioned there was another one, but he’s never shown up in this world. As for the girl... I have no idea. In the meantime, you need to get a job.”

Travers: “Why?”

Master Devlin: “Because I can’t afford to cover for you… well, I can, but I don’t want to.”

Travers: “I could just go on disability or something. Dr. Shawn can give me a sick note for my mental health.”

Master Devlin: “Dr. Shawn is on suspension.”

Travers: “Oh yeah! The whole amateur porn thing.”

Travers starts to daydream and drools.

Master Devlin: “SNAP OUT OF IT!”

The Master suddenly perks up.

Master Devlin: “Y’know… I heard there’s an editor position open at The Waldopolis Chronicle. The paper’s in dire straits. How about that?”

Travers: “The Chronicle?? They hate me. Always wrote such mean things when I was mayor.”

Master Devlin: “Well now you could turn things around.”

Travers: “Hmm… I suppose it would be more satisfying to take them over. Make all those pinko writers pay. Alright! I’ll do it!”

The Waldoverse continues in Season 8