Mass Murder on the Dancefloor
The following takes place following: The Stanley Shrike
Feeling the effects of the all-nighter, the Master and Travers lethargically walked across Waldobury toward the campus district of Waldcroft. They arrived at the student bar, just a block away from the rival Waldoverse Inquisitor office. As expected, police were everywhere, surrounded by a cluster of emergency vehicles. An anxious crowd of onlookers gathered across the street, watching intently. Travers, completely convinced that he had every right to be there, confidently walked straight under the police tape that hung above him.
A police officer then turned and noticed the little goblin heading for the front.
Officer: “Where do you think you’re going, pal? This is an active crime scene...”
Master Devlin quickly produced his Masters Council badge.
Master Devlin: “Masters Council. He’s with me.”
The officer nodded and stepped aside, allowing the Master to pass through as well.
Travers and Master Devlin stepped into the bar, immediately confronted by a scene of carnage. Blood stained the floor and splattered across the walls, evidence of a violent struggle. In one corner of the dance floor, a stack of pale, lifeless bodies lay sprawled, with a few more scattered around the room. A couple sat frozen in a booth, their dead eyes wide open, staring blankly ahead with torn necks. Crime scene investigators moved methodically through the area as Travers and Devlin ventured deeper into the gruesome scene.
Travers: “What could have done this?”
Voice: “Good question. That’s what I’d like to know.”
They turned to find an attractive blonde in her 30s, dressed in plain clothes but sporting an LAPD-style detective shield on her belt. She regarded them with a mix of suspicion and intensity.
Detective: “I’d also like to know who the hell you are and what you’re doing in my crime scene.”
The Master produced his badge.
Master Devlin: “Masters Council. We got a tip.”
Detective: “Council, huh? Figures. This kind of horror show might be right up your alley.”
Master Devlin: “Any idea what happened here?”
Detective: “Just what you can see... A massacre... at least a couple dozen murdered that we’ve counted. Beyond that...”
Travers, enchanted by her looks, turned on the charm. He reached up to shake her hand.
Travers: “Harris Travers, national treasure... and you are?”
She folded her arms, unimpressed.
Detective: “Detective Kate Lockley, WPD. And I know who you are, Mr. Mayor.”
Travers: “Former Mayor. Reformed! I'm in the newspaper business now.”
Kate: “Whatever. Just don’t touch anything, or I will have you removed.”
The Master continued to scan the room.
Travers: “We’re just here to help... This is my town; I feel protective of it. Anything I can do... Tell me, do you think there’s any connection between this crime scene and the recent bodies found in the hills?”
Kate looked to the Master, then back to Travers.
Kate: “Off the record?”
Travers: “Sure.”
Kate: “Yes, preliminary findings suggest that the bodies here are similar to the ones in the hills. Whoever—or whatever—is doing this may be escalating things.”
Travers: “Is it true that the victims in the hills were drained of their blood?”
Kate: “How did you know that? That wasn’t released to the press.”
Travers: “One of our reporters apparently has a source.”
Kate: “Well, again, off the record from me, but yes... throats ripped out, drained of blood. Sound familiar to you?”
wF: “Of course! It’s the Stanley Shrike!”
Waldo suddenly appeared as he wriggled out from a bar tap and jumped onto the dance floor in front of them, taking stock of the corpses.
wF: “Well, well, isn’t this delightful. It’s just like the old days!”
The Master angrily grabbed Waldo by the scruff.
Master Devlin (snarling): “Did you do this?”
wF: “Uh uh. No, sir... not us. We just gots here! Word is all over the streets!”
Detective Lockley stared at the second little goblin squirming in the Master’s grip.
Kate: “You look familiar...”
Travers: “It’s okay, he’s with us. Wally Walchak. Star reporter for the Waldopolis Chronicle. You’ve probably seen him popping out of dustbins at crime scenes and such. His methods are questionable, but he gets the scoops!”
Kate: “Hmm... right...”
Travers: “Wally here has a theory that some giant demon bird is responsible for these killings.”
wF: “That’s right! The Stanley Shrike! Legendary cryptid of these parts...” Waldo chirped, slipping out of the Master’s grip.
Master Devlin: “Fiction.”
Travers: “Yes, well, Master Devlin has a different theory.”
Kate: “Oh really? Care to share?”
Suddenly, Lieutenant Kellaway stormed onto the scene. His sharp eyes landed on Detective Kate Lockley, deep in conversation with the trio.
Kellaway: “Oh... Christ, this is all I need... You always show up early to the weird ones, don’t you, Lockley? Guess you’ve got another one of your crazy theories brewing. Haven’t you got anything better to do with your time than to disturb MY crime scene?”
Lockley, unfazed, kept her tone level.
Kate: “Sir, with all due respect—”
Kellaway: “Can it! I don’t have time for your supernatural mumbo jumbo. Not this early... And who the hell let these clowns in? Did you? I swear to God, if you’re contaminating my crime scene...”
Kate: “They’re here to help, sir. This case might be bigger than—”
Kellaway: “Bigger?? For crying out loud, Lockley, we’ve got twenty-seven dead bodies in the corner before breakfast, you’re letting a couple of two-bit, muck-raking hack journalists walk all over my crime scene, and now you want to talk to me about your conspiracy theories?”
Kate: “Sir...”
Kellaway: “Get the hell out of my way. And I want these ‘smut-peddling jerk-offs’ outta here before I lose my temper—especially the little sex pervert with the moustache.”
Kellaway turned and stormed off.
Kate (sighing): “Why did I move here again? So what’s the Council’s involvement in this?”
Master Devlin: “No official involvement as yet. I’m investigating the disappearance of Fiona Malone and the other disappearances. I’m also looking into a series of murders. I thought perhaps this might be related, but this crime scene is… well… different.”
Kate: “Different how? What murders are you investigating?”
The Master notices Waldo pickpocketing Kellaway across the room. Meanwhile, Travers is staring at Kate, drooling — lost in his perverted, feral imagination.
Master Devlin: “It’s a very old case…”
Travers: “I would be more than happy to explain in detail... over dinner? How about tonight? Eight o’clock?”
Master Devlin: “Travers, can you control yourself for God’s sake?”
Kate: “No thanks.” 😒 (turns to the Master) “You were saying?”
The Master goes to explain when he notices Waldo staring at them, then pulling out his ear — stretching it twice as big to eavesdrop on their conversation.
Master Devlin: “It would be best if we spoke elsewhere.”
Kate: “Fine. C’mon, let’s get some air…”
They step outside and head to a café further up the street. They sit down at a table and order some coffee. The Master goes to explain when Travers immediately and obnoxiously lights up a cigar and blows smoke everywhere. Other customers look around and give him repulsed looks. Kate stares at Travers in disbelief.
Waitress: “Excuse me, sir, you cannot smoke in here.”
Travers: “Actually, I can. There’s no law against it here. Trust me, cupcake, I’m a lawyer. Now, if you don’t mind, we’re trying to conduct serious business... Continue, Master Devlin…”
Waitress: “But—”
Detective Lockley flashes her badge as a reminder.
Kate: “Then you clearly aren’t a very good lawyer, Mr Travers. It is illegal to smoke in public premises, and it’s also the rule of the establishment. This may have worked when you were mayor, but not anymore. Please put out your cigar. Don’t make me arrest you.”
Travers: “Lady, you are speaking out of turn. You ain’t in California no more. We do things differently here in Waldonia. And I didn’t stack bodies of Taliban a mile high in Helmand Province just to have my Ed-given freedoms denied! Besides, I’m a national treasure. I can do what I want... Now let’s move on, shall we?”
Master Devlin: “Do as she says, Travers!”
Travers: “Over my dead body…”
Kate: “Fine. I warned you.”
Kate grabs the slippery little goblin, lifts him out of his seat and pins him face down on the table. Her breasts come into contact with his back as she gets her cuffs out. This immediately arouses Travers. She then tries to apply the cuffs before realising they’re way too big for his wrists. She instead snaps a single cuff tightly around his torso, binding his arms.
After a few seconds, Travers casually stands up and slips the cuff off his squishy physique. He’s also clearly pitching a tent in his trousers.
Travers: “Nice try, Detective... I enjoyed that. You can arrest me again any time, but right now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go relieve myself.”
Kate: 😒
Travers walks over to the waitress and tugs on her dress. She kneels down and listens as he whispers in her ear. Her face reveals a reaction of disgust, followed by wide-eyed shock — then temptation — as he pulls a large stack of cash out of his pocket. She nods, picks him up like a toddler, and takes him into the bathroom.
Kate: “Are they going to…?”
Master Devlin: “…Yes.” 😖
Kate (recoiling in disgust): “Why do you hang out with that creep?”
Master Devlin: “It’s complicated…”
wF: “The Travers man is fine when you gets to know it! Plus, he’s a good boss and national treasure. That’s right.”
Kate jumps in fright and reaches for her sidearm when she notices a smirking Waldo suddenly perched on her shoulder. She stops herself from unholstering the gun as the little goblin hops off onto the table, sits down by the window, and proceeds to eat some salt.
Kate: “And I thought L.A. was weird...”
Waldo gives her a stern look.
wF: “Then perhaps as an immigrant you should show some ryespect... You should be happy just to be here!”
Kate: “...Um... sorry. I didn’t mean any offence.” 🤨
wF: “Apology accepted! Now, detective! Care to give a comment on the latest attack by the Stanley Shrike?”
Kate: “No... I don’t know anything about that.”
Master Devlin: “Widdle Frunkut, would you kindly fuck off?”
wF: “How rude!”
Master Devlin: “No, Waldo, it is you who is being rude. We are in a private meeting.”
wF: “You are speaking out of turn, Pazlow. Remember — this is the WALDOverse! Don’t forget your place, sunshine...”
Master Devlin: “Excuse me, Widdle Frunkut?”
wF: “Of course, Danny! You have 28 excusals remaining for this month…”
Kate: “What is he talking about?”
wF: “It matters not, dear lady... The Masta is just salty because his serial killer theory is not looking so hot... He’s had ample time to explain it to you, but he keeps delaying because he knows the evidence isn’t there…”
Kate: “Serial killer?? Wait — what?”
wF: “Y’see, it all started about a year ago during the Nilbog Crisis. The Masta, treacherous swine that he is, bedded one of Wiffuhuh’s fiancées, Misato Katsuragi. Unfortunately, he was suffering from Dratonin withdrawal due to lack of supply at the time, and so his dragon beast mode erupted and he ripped her in half. It wasn’t his fault, really — these things happen — however, he cannot come to terms with the guilt and lives in denial. Initially, he tried to blame it on Wiffuhuh but has since concocted an elaborate story about some centuries-old serial killer dragon boy with a gold fetish who returns every seven years to brutally bisect women and pour molten gold down their gullets…”
Kate: “....Is that true?”
Master Devlin: “The part about the gold fetish serial killer… yes. The murder of Captain Katsuragi… no. Y’see, Widdle Frunkut here is a mass murderer and maniac. He cannot be contained or killed. So there is the dilemma. Widdle Frunkut is known to get jealous and murder those he doesn’t like. Take my former student Hugo, for example.”
wF: “Hugo was a threat to a carefully balanced ecosystem... he had to go... there was no other way! It was for the good of the colony!”
Kate: “Wait a minute... I think I recall seeing something about molten gold killings in the cold case files... That’s right! Ripped in half... gold down their throats... It goes back a long time. I think we suspected some kind of cult ritual thing. I dunno. The WPD swept it under the rug... But none of the recent bodies showing up are anything like that. I’m not sure what this has to do with the recent deaths and disappearances?”
wF: “Of course not, because it has nothing to do with any of it. It’s just the Masta being a silly goose. Now, let’s get back to the Stanley Shrike! Clearly that is the culprit!”
Kate: “Okay, so you’re saying that a giant demon bird came down to the Wunderkind Warriors Bar, locked the doors from the inside, and proceeded to massacre 27 people — draining them of all their blood — and got away without anyone seeing it?”
wF: “Of course! It’s probably magic. Perhaps it has a cloaking device. It is a bird of prey, after all. Just like in the Star Treks...”
Kate: “Well, I have a theory of my own...”
wF: “Ooh, is that so? Yes? Well? Speak!”
Kate: “What do you guys know about... vampires?”
Waldo turns to the Master and makes a mocking face.
Master Devlin: “I did consider this. I have long suspected a higher vampire — this killer is extremely intelligent and is living in plain sight, yet must be very old... But we haven’t had documented cases of vampires operating in these parts for centuries.”
Kate: “Well, I’ve had some dealings with them before. Unfortunately, they’re pretty common in L.A.”
Travers returns with the waitress, wearing a big grin. Surprisingly, she also looks happy. He takes a seat in the booth next to Kate. The waitress gives him a kiss on the cheek.
Waitress: “Call me sometime, hun...”
Travers: “You bet, sweetheart...”
Waitress: “Can I get you guys anything else?”
Kate: “No, I think we’re good, thanks. I’ve lost my appetite.”
Travers: “So what did I miss?”
wF: “Vampires!”
Travers: “Oh... Hey, you know, I have a friend who’s a vampire! We had a whole adventure together at the Tower of Walgoth not long ago... Nice guy.”
Kate: “Funny, that doesn’t surprise me at all... Let’s just say I’m not a fan, and I think Widdlington has a vampire problem. The bodies turning up lately show all the signs... And what I saw this morning? Looked like the aftermath of a vampire all-you-can-eat buffet.”
Travers: “Well, we’ve already got a giant bird and centuries-old dragon man theory — why not throw vampires in too? We can print all three stories. Let the public decide which is true.”
Kate: “Well, I should go. With the high-profile nature of this latest attack, they’re going to want all hands on deck for this one. If you truly want to help, I’d appreciate you keeping me informed if you find anything...”
She hands the Master her card and leaves.
The Waldoverse continues in Morning Sickness