The Escape Goat
The following takes place following: Morning Sickness
Goblin Slayer escorted Brian to the council infirmary, but despite Master Devlin’s firm recommendation to keep him under professional observation, Travers stubbornly insisted on being taken back to his own home instead.
As a compromise, with Travers tucked into his bed, Master Devlin contacted Dr Fraser’s witch doctor practice to arrange a house call.
EMH: “The Medicine Mask — Witch Doctor Practice, how may I help you?”
Master Devlin: “Hello, this is Master Devlin calling in regard to Harris Travers. I was hoping to speak to Dr Fraser.”
EMH: “I’m afraid Dr Fraser isn’t currently available — he’s on safari and will be unreachable for the next three weeks.”
Master Devlin: “Oh dear.”
EMH: “Yes, indeed. Well, if there’s anything else?”
Master Devlin: “Actually yes, I was wondering if perhaps you could make a house call? I’m concerned about Travers. Something is off with him, and I’d like him examined as soon as possible.”
EMH: (sighs) “I’m very busy today, Master Devlin. What’s the problem? Another bout of gypsy syphilis? Goblin gonorrhea, perhaps?”
Master Devlin: “I’m not sure, but something is certainly not right with him. Even Travers admits he’s not feeling well, and he insists that ‘Traverses never get sick.’”
EMH: “I’ll admit, that does sound rather unusual for him. What are the symptoms, specifically?”
Master Devlin: “He’s lethargic, sleeps all day, acts hungover — but at night, he’s suddenly full of energy. Now he’s taken to biting his employees and drinking their blood... I was skeptical at first, but I’m starting to think there may be some truth to this vampire hysteria, and I think Travers may have been infected.”
EMH: “Vampires… these ridiculous rumours are getting out of hand. I’m a doctor, not a mythologist. Nevertheless, I’ll try to make time to pop by this afternoon.”
Later that day, the EMH arrived at Travers’ home thanks to his mobile emitter.
“Ah, so this is the famous Travers, Travers & Shiina law office,” the EMH remarked as Master Devlin let him in, glancing around the grand entryway before following Devlin up the ornate staircase to the third floor.
They entered Travers’ bedroom — a darkened yet lavishly furnished space. The little goblin lay snoozing in a sprawling king-sized bed, thick curtains drawn tightly against the daylight. With a deft motion, the EMH flipped open his medical tricorder and began a scan.
EMH: “Well, Travers, I hope you’re enjoying your beauty sleep — though it’s got its work cut out for it.”
The tricorder hummed as it processed readings, and the EMH raised an eyebrow.
EMH: “Hmm. Elevated hematocrit levels… unusual platelet counts… and melatonin spikes far beyond normal parameters. A curious set of findings.”
The Master glanced over, a touch of concern creasing his brow.
Master Devlin: “Anything alarming, Doctor?”
EMH: “Nothing terribly concerning. If anything, it suggests a bit of immunosuppression — possibly a mild viral flu, given the fatigue and that nighttime alertness you mentioned. Certainly nothing to warrant a prescription of holy water or a stake through the heart.”
Master Devlin: “But what about the strange behaviour? The blood drinking?”
The EMH snapped his tricorder shut with a sigh.
EMH: “Likely overindulgence coupled with suggestibility.”
Master Devlin: “Uh-huh… and what about that?”
Without looking, the Master pointed upward. The EMH followed his gaze to the large ornate mirror fixed to the ceiling above the bed. It took him a moment, but soon he noticed that — unlike himself and the Master — Travers was barely visible in the reflection.
EMH: “Oh my…”
He looked back down to double-check that the snoozing goblin was still there.
EMH: “Well, I must admit, that is a little curious…”
Master Devlin: “You think, Doctor?”
EMH: “...But I’d advise against jumping to conclusions. The fact is, there’s still a great deal about goblin physiology we don’t fully understand. However, in the spirit of caution, I’ll take some samples with me.”
After collecting a few vials of blood, a throat swab, and leaving the Master in charge of obtaining a stool sample, the two made their way downstairs.
EMH: “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Just make sure he gets plenty of rest, fluids, and — for everyone’s sake — try to keep him out of the Sass Hole for a week.”
Master Devlin: (nodding) “I hope it’s that simple.”
EMH: “Well, with Mr Travers, one can never be too sure. I’ll stop by tomorrow to check on him — unless he’s off carousing again by then.”
Master Devlin: “Very well. I will make sure he stays indoors, and if need be, I’ll restrain him.”
EMH: “That seems a prudent course of action.”
Master Devlin: “Just for my own interest, Doctor — have you ever diagnosed a vampire before?”
EMH: “Can’t say that I have, but then I tend to deal in medicine rather than superstition.”
Master Devlin: “Remind me, Doctor — why did Larry hire you again? You work for a witch doctor, don’t you?”
EMH: “Because most people go to him with everyday ailments, and his treatments are, quite frankly... ineffectual. Also because it turns out most people in Central Widdlington would rather see a witch doctor for their haemorrhoids or sore throats than visit the James Savile Memorial Hospital — not that I blame them, given the reputation.”
Master Devlin: “Yes, quite... that I do understand.”
EMH: “As a result, I was brought on to assist with the increased patient load. How I came to be here precisely, I’m not entirely sure... but nevertheless, here I am. Now, if there’s nothing else, I’ll take my leave.”
Master Devlin: “Of course. Let me show you out.”
****
Later that night, after the EMH had left Travers’ home and the sun had gone down, Travers grew noticeably more energetic, feeling increasingly restless. Despite his pleas to go out and have some fun, Master Devlin insisted he stay in bed. Travers began scrolling through his tablet to catch up on the day’s news while the Master sat at his bedside, engrossed in an old book titled Vampyr.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Widdlington Post: “Are Vampires Real? The Terrifying Truth Behind Widdlington's Bloodsucking Panic!”
As fear grips Widdlington over a series of gruesome murders, whispers of vampires lurking in the shadows have taken hold. With another 18 bodies discovered drained of blood last night, the chilling total now stands at 45 this week alone. Residents are on high alert, terrified of the bloodthirsty creatures from folklore.
Local authorities are urging calm while implementing increased patrols. Meanwhile, supermarkets are running low on garlic, and stores selling silver crosses and protective charms are emptying fast—the town is in a state of frenzied preparation.
Experts warn that the hysteria is not entirely unfounded. Historical accounts from around the world reveal chilling tales of vampirism. Townsfolk are advised to stay off the streets at night and not to allow anyone into their homes after dark.
Can Widdlington survive this vampire scare? Stay vigilant, and keep an eye on the shadows!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Woohoo News: How to Survive the Vampire Invasion: Essential Tips for Staying Safe in Widdlington!
With Vampire Fever gripping Widdlington, it’s time to prep! Are you ready to take on the undead lurking in our streets? Here’s what you need to know to stay safe:
- 1. Stock Up on Garlic! Vampires hate it, so carry cloves in your pockets, keep them in your home, or wear them like jewelry. Smell bad, stay alive.
- 2. Avoid Dark Alleys and Empty Streets! Vampires love shadowy areas. Avoid shortcuts, alleys, and any place without streetlights.
- 3. Silver Mirror Test! Not sure if your BFF is a bloodsucker? Hold up a silver mirror! According to vampire lore, they’ll have no reflection.
- 4. Keep Holy Symbols on Hand! Crosses, blessed water, or anything sacred can deter a vampire if things get close. Extra points if it’s a family heirloom!
- 5. Don’t Invite Strangers Inside! Reports suggest vampires need permission to enter. Be firm—don’t let anyone in at night without proof of life.
As Widdlington’s vampire crisis escalates, protect yourself, stay smart, and always keep your wits about you. Follow these steps and join the #StopTheBite movement!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With a loud sigh and a shake of his head, Travers tossed his tablet aside and turned on the television.
He flicked through the channels until he settled on WTV News, catching an ongoing interview with a local gravedigger.
Gravedigger: "She rose right out of the grave! Came at me with eyes like fire, hissing something awful! But I had my lucky golden Ed pendant, and she hissed and backed off! Saved my life, I tell ya!"
Travers: “Sure thing, pal! That’s quite the tale… Y’know, I think the Doc’s right—this vampire malarky is a load of bunk!”
The Master glanced over at Travers and raised an eyebrow without a word.
Travers turned to Channel 5. A lengthy advert for a WML Anti-Vampire Survival Kit played with all the flair of an American-style shopping channel commercial.
Travers: "Hell, I haven’t seen this much scaremongering since Y2K. Well, I sure as hell won’t be building a $100k shelter… Not this time! Seriously, Master Devlin, this whole panic is completely absurd!"
With a sigh, the Master put the book down and peered sternly over his reading glasses.
Master Devlin: "And whose fault do you think that is, Travers?"
Travers: "I dunno… Well, I suppose Detective Kate’s hairbrained theory…"
Master Devlin: "An off-the-record theory, which you saw fit to publish anyway, against my recommendation…"
Travers: "Noooo, Master Devlin. This is no time to play the blame game. Besides, that was yesterday’s news. I’m not responsible for all this copycat crap today… I’m on sick leave! Here I am on my deathbed and you’re trying to blame me for societal hysterics… Just shameful."
Master Devlin: "Deathbed?"
Travers: "Figure of speech…"
Travers turned up the TV volume.
WTV Anchor: "With the death toll now at 47, fear has gripped the city. Many residents have imposed their own curfews, leading to the quietest Halloween night in recorded history. For more on this eerie evening, we go live to Shelly Parsons in Wendell Oaks."
The feed switched to a woman standing on a deserted suburban street.
Reporter: "Thank you, Alastair. As you can see, most families have opted to stay indoors tonight, and the streets are deserted. People are simply too frightened to send their children out trick-or-treating, fearing what some say are very real monsters among us."
She paused, spotting a lone trick-or-treater—a small goblin-like figure with a big bag of candy—walking down the street.
Reporter: "Well, it seems we’ve found one brave trick-or-treater! Let’s see if we can have a word." “Hey there! Are you out trick-or-treating?”
wF: “Uh-huh!”
Reporter: "That’s quite the costume! What’s it supposed to be? A little green man crossed with Kolchak the Night Stalker?"
wF: (tilting his head) “Costume?”
Reporter: "Oh, I’m sor…"
Her face froze as the goblin pulled out a switchblade, brandishing it with a grin.
wF: “Trick or treat… bitch!”
The feed abruptly cut to the studio.
WTV Anchor: “Umm… well, we seemed to have lost the connection there… We’ll try to get Sheila back, but until then, back to our main story…”
Travers hit the mute button.
Travers: "That’s just great… Now our star reporter is out mugging people on live TV. Shouldn’t you be out minding him instead of wasting time babysitting me?"
Travers unmutes and changes the channel again.
WBC2: “Welcome to WBC Newsnight, I’m Sarah Kaplan. As fear spreads through the community amid a rising tide of deaths and disappearances, suspicion has increasingly fallen on the local vampire population in Widdlington. Many citizens are pointing fingers, fueling tensions and misconceptions. However, some believe this demonization of vampires is merely old-fashioned bigotry, using them as a scapegoat for broader societal issues. In response, the advocacy group Vampires Against Marginalization and Prejudice, or V.A.M.P., has emerged. To discuss this, we welcome Mr. Viktor Alaric, founder of V.A.M.P. Thank you for joining us, Viktor.”
Alaric: “Thank you for having me.”
The Master looks up at the TV, arching his eyebrow.
Kaplan: “Mr. Alaric, until recently, many people didn’t even believe in vampires. Yet here you are today, representing V.A.M.P. What motivated you to create this organization, and what do you hope to achieve?”
Alaric: “Well, Sarah, I founded V.A.M.P. to combat the anti-vampire bigotry that has existed for centuries. Not only are we very much real, but we have been misunderstood and persecuted for generations. Why? Simply because we’re different. My family and I, like many others, recently moved to Widdlington hoping for a better life. We thought this city, with its history of embracing supernatural diversity, would be more welcoming. But it’s been heartbreaking to see the rise in anti-vampire rhetoric since we arrived and how quickly we’ve been scapegoated for the recent disappearances.”
Kaplan: “But the disappearances did begin not long after you and others settled in Waldobury Heights, didn’t they?”
Alaric: “That’s an unfortunate coincidence, but I’m afraid it’s no coincidence that those with hatred in their hearts have latched onto that timing to create fear. It’s a convenient narrative for them. The fact is, we are peaceful beings who simply want to live among humans, not harm them. We are the real victims here, constantly vilified for the actions of a few rogue individuals. This has gone on long enough... We demand recognition as a protected minority, with rights and safety guaranteed by the government.”
Kaplan: “You’re asking for legal protections?”
Alaric: “Absolutely. Just like any other minority group. We deserve to live free from fear, persecution, and discrimination. When I was a young vampire in Wallachia, my father explained that humans fear what they do not understand and that we must endure that prejudice. I did, for hundreds of years, but no more! I will not stand by and allow my children of the night to suffer the same injustice. I believe Widdlington can be different! It is time to say no more to anti-vampiric hate speech! We must criminalize it, in the name of social justice!”
Kaplan: “But... don’t you feed on human beings?”
Alaric: “That is a common misconception! We primarily feed on cattle in ethical ways and have always abided by local laws. The deaths and disappearances are not our doing. This kind of baseless accusation reminds me of the Salem witch hunts—an atmosphere of fear where facts are ignored.”
Travers nods at the screen enthusiastically.
Kaplan: “Some critics argue that your presence here is unwarranted, claiming that vampires and humans are culturally incompatible. How would you respond to those concerns?”
Alaric: “Again, I assure you, humans have nothing to fear from us. We can coexist peacefully. Historically, vampires lived in this region over a thousand years ago, long before the founding of Widdlington in the 7th century. We were driven from our ancestral lands by human settlers who feared what they did not understand. Much like ancient peoples claiming their rightful home, our mythology speaks of this land as sacred to us. We seek to return, not as conquerors, but as peaceful neighbors eager to share it with the human community.”
Kaplan: “A powerful message, Viktor. Well, that's all we have time for, but thank you for sharing your perspective with us today and best of luck with your efforts to promote peace and understanding.”
Alaric: “Thank you.”
Travers: "That's right! Just like I always said, Master Devlin... 'The vampires aren't the bad guys here. They're just an escape goat! No vampire never did me no harm! Just let them live their lives, I say...'"
The Master facepalms.
The Waldoverse continues in A Town Under a Spell