Rampage
The following takes place following: The Goldenstein Dossier
Brian brings Waldo his Coke. Without a word, Waldo makes his Dil face and points at the TV controller. Brian sighs, turns on the television, and hands him the remote.
WBC Anchor: “And if you’re just joining us, we’re following breaking news from Waldgate, where authorities are responding to reports of a highly unusual incident on West Willoughby’s Way.
As you can see on your screens now—live aerial footage shows what appears to be a small, green humanoid figure—believed to be some kind of goblin—in a state of undress and engaging in what can only be described as... erratic and inappropriate behaviour.
Again, we advise viewers that some of these images may be distressing. The goblin-like individual is now sprinting down the street, behaving increasingly erratically. It appears to be attempting to climb a lamppost—yes, now sliding down—and... oh dear, it’s approaching an elderly woman. It seems to be trying to accost her... Ah, the woman is using her handbag in what looks like self-defence. The creature is retreating now, thankfully, though still moving erratically.”
The anchor pauses briefly, her tone tightening.
“And now, the goblin has turned its attention to a nearby fire hydrant, engaging with it in ways entirely inappropriate and unsuitable for description on daytime television. This situation continues to escalate. We urge all members of the public to remain at a safe distance.
It appears to be running in frantic circles, waving its arms and shouting incoherently. Oh—it’s stopped now... It’s striking a pose, flexing its muscles in front of what seems to be an outdoor café. And... oh dear—it’s, um, engaging in some form of self-gratification in full view of patrons. Several women appear to be dining outside and—yes, they’re scattering now. Chairs are overturned; coffee cups have been abandoned.”
The Chronicle staff watch in horror—except Waldo, who smiles broadly.
The anchor clears her throat, struggling to maintain composure.
WBC Anchor:“It now seems another party has entered the scene—uh—what appears to be a purple dragon in a suit and coat. The dragon seems to be attempting to corral the goblin. This raises questions about their relationship; perhaps the smaller being is a pet of some sort, though that’s purely speculative at this stage.
"Oh, and now the goblin is fleeing once again—oh my, he’s just shoved a man off an electric scooter and appears to be commandeering the vehicle. The dragon is now in hot pursuit.
"If you’re just joining us, we’re following live aerial footage of what appears to be a high-speed pursuit between some kind of dragon and a goblin on a stolen e-scooter up Wilford Brimley Road.” As you can see, the goblin—who has been on a rampage for several minutes—is now operating the scooter in a highly erratic and unsafe manner, weaving through pedestrians and narrowly avoiding collisions. Authorities are urging the public to steer clear of Wilford Brimley Road and surrounding areas until the situation is contained.”
The anchor touches her earpiece.
WBC Anchor: “We are now receiving confirmation from sources that the small green individual has been identified as Harris John Travers, former Emperor of Waldonia and current editor-in-chief of the Waldopolis Chronicle. Mr. Travers has been a controversial figure in recent days, following legal issues surrounding allegations of hate speech in his publication’s anti-vampire articles. Mr. Travers has now turned onto Wobbly Lane... He seems to be struggling to maintain control on the cobblestones... My goodness! It appears he’s lost control of the scooter—and—oh dear! He’s crashed! Quite extraordinary, really. The scooter, along with Mr. Travers, has gone straight through the window of a nearby boutique.”
“The dragon—for reasons still unclear, though we’re receiving unconfirmed reports that he is Master Steven Devlin of the Masters Council—has now landed and seems to be entering the shop. We’re unable to get a clearer angle on what’s happening inside. Can we get another camera feed? No... Unfortunately, it looks like the shot’s blocked, but rest assured we’ll continue to monitor the situation.”
“Emergency services are en route, and local authorities are working to de-escalate the situation. Stay tuned to WBC News 24 for live updates as this story develops.”
“We’re now seeing signs of a disturbance inside the shop. We can’t see in, but clothes, furniture, and other materials are being thrown out of the broken window—clearly a struggle is underway.”
“Oh—there’s now another broken window. We’re seeing Master Devlin stumbling out of the shop with what appears to be a naked Harris Travers wrapped around his head and face. Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise once again for these shocking scenes. Mr. Travers appears to be clamped tightly to Master Devlin in a manner reminiscent of a scene from the film Alien.”
“And—oh my—Master Devlin has fallen backwards onto the road and appears to be unconscious. Mr. Travers has detached and is fleeing the scene.”
“We’ll make sure emergency services come to the aid of Master Dev—oh my goodness... it appears Mr. Travers has caused a rickshaw carrying roughly a dozen people to veer off the road and crash into another shop, resulting in an explosion. Mr. Travers seems to have disappeared for the moment.”
“While we attempt to get eyes back on Mr. Travers, we’re going live to our WBC correspondent, Martin Wimpton, who is on the scene. Martin, can you hear me?”
Martin Wimpton: “Yes, Kathy, I’m here on Wobbly Lane in Walford Heights, where the situation continues to spiral further out of control. Master Devlin of the Masters Council, and Deputy Editor of the Waldopolis Chronicle, entered the boutique moments ago in what appeared to be an attempt to subdue the goblin—Harris Travers.
“However, that intervention seems to have been wholly unsuccessful. According to witnesses, a naked Mr. Travers latched onto Master Devlin in a bizarre and frankly alarming manner. What followed was an extended struggle that ended with both of them crashing through the shop window and onto the street.”
Wimpton gestures toward a group of shaken bystanders.
“I should add that during his rampage, Mr. Travers has reportedly been ranting and raving, making a series of outrageous and offensive claims—both anti-vampire and antisemitic—which we cannot repeat on air. Eyewitnesses describe his behaviour as completely unhinged.”
WBC Anchor: “Thank you, Martin. And just now, we’re receiving new aerial footage of Mr. Travers as he continues his rampage. Let’s take a look.”
Aerial footage shows Travers pacing agitatedly as police officers exit their vehicles.
“As you can see, Widdlington Police are now on the scene. Around a dozen officers appear to be surrounding Travers, who is pacing back and forth. It seems he’s been cornered. Surely this marks the end of what has been a shocking and destructive spree through Widdlington.”
Travers suddenly charges, knocking one officer to the ground and hurling another into the air.
“Oh my goodness! Ladies and gentlemen, what we’re witnessing is truly astonishing. The goblin, Harris Travers, has just overpowered multiple police officers single-handedly. He even lifted one clear over his head and threw him at the others. Extraordinary—Travers appears to possess incredible strength for his size.
Dr. ShawnCould this be drug-induced? PCP, perhaps? Oh no—he’s on the move again, and it appears he’s heading toward our ground crew!”
The camera cuts back to Martin Wimpton, standing near the chaos. Travers locks eyes with him and strides over, panting.
Martin Wimpton: “Mr. Travers! Harris Travers! Martin Wimpton, WBC News—can you tell us why you’re doing this? What’s going on?”
Travers: “Why?! WHY?! They drew first blood, man, not me! NOT ME!”
(He thrusts a trembling finger at the camera.)
“You weren’t there, man! You wouldn’t understand! Those sneaky yellow bastards in the jungle—with their traps—tearing up my brothers! My BROTHERS! What was it all for? So a bunch of Jewpires could take over the world? You think I don’t see what they’re doing? All of them! ALL of them—working together in the shadows, tearing apart everything we fought for! EVERYTHING!”
Martin Wimpton: “Mr. Travers, I—”
Travers suddenly crouches and points behind Wimpton.
Travers: “WATCH OUT! CHARLIE IN THE TREE LINE!”
He launches into a spinning dropkick, sending Wimpton sprawling. Travers dives into a dramatic combat roll, miming a machine gun and shouting:
Travers: “RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT! COME GET SOME! COME GET SOME, YOU MOTHERF—”
Travers scrambles toward a storm drain, slips inside, and disappears into the darkness. His manic laughter echoes as the camera refocuses on a dazed Wimpton.
WBC Anchor: “Apologies to our viewers for the language there. Martin, are you alright?”
Martin Wimpton: “Well, Kathy... that was Harris Travers, everyone—the editor-in-chief of Waldonia’s most popular newspaper. As you saw, he appears to be completely consumed by delusions, ranting incoherently about the Vietnam War as well as expressinWBC Anchor:g other... deeply offensive views.”
Martin rises just as Master Devlin stumbles into frame, holding his side.
Martin Wimpton: “Master Devlin! Martin Wimpton, WBC News—are you alright? Can you tell us what just happened? Why is Mr. Travers running amok like this?”
Master Devlin: “He was spiked with methamphetamines and is not in his right mind. Now if you’ll excuse me... I have a goblin to catch before he does any more damage.”
Martin Wimpton: “Well, there you have it, Kathy. Master Devlin claims that the carnage we’ve witnessed is the result of Mr. Travers allegedly having been spiked with methamphetamines. He’s now inspecting the storm drain where Mr. Travers escaped. It seems this chaotic episode may not yet be over.”
The camera pans as a sharply dressed woman argues with police.
Martin Wimpton: “Oh, and something seems to be happening here—let’s move in closer.”
Dr. Shawn (off-mic): “As I said, I’m Dr. Linda Shawn, a clinical psychologist with the Masters Council. The goblin who did this—Harris Travers—is my patient. Now please, let me through.”
The officers let her pass. Martin intercepts her briefly.
Martin Wimpton: “Excuse me, madam—Martin Wimpton, WBC News. Did I hear you say you’re Mr. Travers’ doctor?”
Dr. Shawn: “No comment.”
Martin Wimpton: “Does he have a history of violent outbursts? Is this behaviour typical for him?”
Dr. Shawn: “That’s doctor-patient confidentiality. I can’t discuss that further. Excuse me.”
She walks past, meeting Devlin at the drain. Their conversation turns hushed.
Martin Wimpton: “Well, Kathy, it appears Dr. Shawn is liaising directly with Master Devlin. Given her claim that Mr. Travers is her patient, one can only assume she may provide critical context for his erratic behaviour. We’ll stay on the scene and keep you updated as this unfolds.”
WBC Anchor: “Breaking news, viewers—we’re now going live to Waldminster, where reports suggest a similar incident is occurring. Authorities believe Harris Travers may have resurfaced there. Let’s take a look.”
The feed cuts to shaky drone footage above Waldobury Cathedral, where a small, green, bald figure—lacking Travers’ moustache but otherwise resembling him—spray-paints the letters W and F on the ancient stone walls.
“As you can see, the individual—believed to be Harris Travers—is vandalising the historic Waldobury Cathedral.”
The figure then throws a Molotov cocktail at a bus. It explodes, sending flames and smoke into the air.
“Oh my goodness—he’s now resorting to arson! That is a public bus, and we can see panicked pedestrians fleeing the scene. The situation in Waldminster is escalating rapidly; emergency services have not yet arrived.”
The figure gestures wildly at the fleeing crowd, shouting unintelligibly before scurrying out of frame.
“Truly shocking scenes coming out of Waldminster. Authorities believe the same individual responsible for today’s rampage in Widdlington may now be targeting multiple cities. We’ll continue following this developing story.”
Back at the Waldopolis Chronicle, the staff watch in silence as the Waldminster footage plays. Ermintrude stares at the screen, then looks around and realises Waldo is gone.
Ermintrude: “Oh dear.”
The Waldoverse continues in Carnage