The Defence: Part Deux
The following takes place following: The Defence
Master Devlin: “The defence calls Mr Samuel Waldo to the stand.”
Samuel Waldo takes the oath, his Southern drawl steady and unhurried.
Master Devlin: “Mr Waldo, thank you for appearing. You’re a well-known figure in the goblin community, noted for your cultural scholarship. Would you introduce yourself to the court?”
Samuel Waldo: “Why, certainly, Master Devlin. Mah name is Samuel Waldo. Ah’m the creator of the Goblin Renaissance podcast and magazine, and the editor of Goblins Illustrated.”
Master Devlin: “And how do you know Mr Travers?”
Samuel Waldo: “Ah’ve known Mr Travers for years. He’s been a frequent guest on mah podcast, and we’ve worked together on several Goblin Renaissance projects.”
Master Devlin: “Would you say he’s been a positive influence in your community?”
Samuel Waldo: “Absolutely. Ah consider Mr Travers a fine, upstandin’ huhwite goblin of good character, deeply committed to explorin’ and preservin’ our heritage.”
Master Devlin: “Has he ever shown prejudice toward other communities, including vampires?”
Samuel Waldo: “Prejudice? No, sir. Not in my experience. Mr Travers criticises systems of power—never entire peoples. He’s a goblin of conviction, not hatred.”
Master Devlin: “Thank you, Mr Waldo. No further questions, Your Honour.”
Judge Alaric: “Mr Vexley, your witness.”
Vexley: “Mr. Waldo, a pleasure. The gallery, I’m sure, is eager to hear from such a prominent figure in the white goblin nationalist movement. According to The Widdlington Post, you’re ‘the most dangerous form of white supremacy.’ How does that sit with you?”
Samuel Waldo: “It don’t bother me none, but ah reckon it doesn’t sit too well with them folks. Writers like that rarely bother to hear what a man’s actually sayin’.”
Vexley: “But you call yourself a white goblin advocate and nationalist. What is that, if not white supremacy?”
Samuel Waldo: “Ah promote a stronger, more unified huhwite goblin community that celebrates our heritage. Just like any other group is entitled to. Ain’t that what groups like VAMP do for vampires? Just ’cause ah promote huhwite goblin culture doesn’t mean ah’m hatin’ on anyone else. But some folks’d rather slap a label on a jar than bother to understand what’s inside.”
Vexley: “You’ve been quoted as saying darker-skinned goblins are prone to criminal behaviour and are inherently inferior.”
Master Devlin: “Objection. Relevance?”
Vexley: “Master Devlin put this goblin on the stand as a character witness, Your Honour. I think it’s only right we understand what he stands for.”
Judge Alaric: “Overruled — but be quick about it, Mr Vexley. I’m growing weary of this.”
Vexley: “Thank you, Your Honour. Mr Waldo, you were about to tell us why Black goblins are inferior?”
Samuel Waldo: “That’s a mighty misleading way to phrase it. Ah ain’t never said anything about inferiority. What ah wrote about was temperament. The unfortunate reality that some communities — Black goblins included — have had higher instances of delinquent behaviour, on average. It’s a pattern that hurts us all. But ah’ve never said anyone’s inferior.”
Vexley: “But you do advocate racial segregation, do you not?”
Samuel Waldo: “What ah advocate is freedom of association. Allowing each group to thrive amongst themselves without bein’ exploited or dominated by others. It’s like makin’ a stew, Mr Vexley — you don’t throw in every ingredient without thinkin’. Sometimes folks need to be allowed to flourish in their own pots.”
Vexley: “Let’s move on. In Goblin Renaissance, you’ve published articles criticising vampyric influence on the establishment. Do you also believe vampires are an inferior race, too?”
Samuel Waldo: “Again, I ain’t callin’ no one inferior, but I will say that some vampires do have a habit of puttin’ themselves above others. They seem to want to subjugate others while at the same time playin’ the victim.”
Vexley: “So you criticise vampires for their superiority while promoting huhwite goblin nationalism. Sounds rather hypocritical.”
Samuel Waldo: “Ah might be a lotta things, Mr Vexley, but a hypocrite ain’t one of ’em. You’ve spent this whole trial callin’ for special treatment for vampires while demonising anyone who dares criticise their predatory nature. Yet you call me a bigot for protectin’ my own community. That’s the pot callin’ the kettle black, Mr Vexley.”
Vexley: “No further questions, Your Honour.”
Judge Alaric: “Thank you, Mr Waldo. You may step down. Master Devlin, do you have any more witnesses?”
Master Devlin: “Your Honour, my next witness is a little unorthodox, and she has agreed to appear despite an exceptionally busy schedule. May we request a brief recess before she’s called?”
Judge Alaric: “Yes, very well… Court is adjourned for lunch…”
****
Master Devlin: “The defence calls Her Majesty, Queen Mayuri of Waldonia, to the stand...”
The courtroom falls silent as Queen Mayuri enters with quiet dignity and takes the stand.
Vexley: “Objection, Your Honour. This is highly inappropriate. Her Majesty’s presence risks unduly influencing the jury.”
Master Devlin: “Your Honour, the prosecution has spent hours attacking Mr Travers’ character. Her Majesty is uniquely positioned to speak to it. Status does not invalidate truth.”
Vexley: “Her testimony is political theatre—”
Master Devlin: “It is testimony, Mr Vexley. The theatre is entirely your domain.”
Judge Alaric: “Enough. Objection overruled. Her Majesty will testify. Proceed.”
Master Devlin: “Your Majesty, thank you for being here. Please state your name and your relationship with the defendant.”
Queen Mayuri: “I was born Shiina Mayuri, though most will know me as Queen Mayuri of Waldonia. Harris Travers is my former husband.”
Master Devlin: “Would you say your ex-husband harbours malicious intent toward vampires?”
Queen Mayuri: “No. During our marriage he never expressed hatred toward vampires. Our marriage was difficult, but he was not cruel. He cannot be the monster he is painted to be.”
Master Devlin: “In your own words, how would you describe his character?”
Queen Mayuri: “Travers-san is not a perfect man. He can be selfish and impulsive, even foolish, but I have never seen him be cruel or hateful to anyone. He is also deeply passionate about doing what he believes is right.”
Master Devlin: “Your Majesty, you’ve spoken before about your concerns regarding the direction Waldonia has taken in recent weeks. Could you explain your perspective?”
Queen Mayuri: “I believed that transitioning to a constitutional monarchy would lead to greater fairness. Yet I am distressed to see power concentrated in the hands of a few, and democracy being exploited and weaponised by those with hidden agendas. This has led to great injustice, and it is not what I had hoped for when I approved the formation of a government.”
Master Devlin: “By those with hidden agendas… do you mean vampires?”
Queen Mayuri: “In some cases, yes, though not exclusively — some humans are profiting from it too. Something has gone terribly wrong in this land, and Travers-san has been rightly highlighting what I believe to be a very real problem: some vampires preying upon the populace and weaponising the law to silence them.”
Master Devlin: “Thank you very much for being here today and speaking so candidly, Your Majesty. No further questions.”
Vexley: “Your Majesty… some have suggested that your criticisms of Waldonia’s leadership risk spreading fear about vampires. Would you respond?”
Queen Mayuri: “I speak against injustice, Mr Vexley. I do not speak lightly of wrongdoing merely to provoke fear.”
Vexley: “Yet you have implied that vampires wield considerable power over the government. They do not officially rule, do they?”
Queen Mayuri: “Not officially. But their influence over institutions is undeniable, and it is troubling when such power is used to silence dissent.”
Vexley: “Some would call that conspiratorial. How do you respond to critics who say there is no proof?”
Queen Mayuri: “I would tell them to look at the evidence. Pointing out abuse is a duty, not an attempt to divide.”
Vexley: “And yet you remain Queen. Should you not act rather than merely comment?”
Queen Mayuri: “My role is largely ceremonial. I may speak, but I cannot directly intervene. Silence, however, would be complicity.”
Vexley: “So, by your own admission, you are powerless. Are your claims not simply a way of shifting blame for your inaction?”
Queen Mayuri: “I accept the limits of my office, Mr Vexley. But acknowledging my limitations does not negate the reality of the influence I describe.”
Vexley: “Your rhetoric resembles fearmongering—the same the prosecution accuses Mr Travers of.”
Queen Mayuri: “Criticising the abuse of power is not fearmongering. It is concern for the people. I speak carefully, and only of what I have observed.”
Vexley: “…Yet you align yourself with the defendant. Perhaps loyalty, rather than truth, guides your words?”
Queen Mayuri: “My loyalty is to justice. I will speak truth where it is due, even when it is uncomfortable. Question my motives if you wish, but not my sincerity.”
Vexley: “…No further questions, Your Honour.”
Master Devlin: “Your Honour, may I redirect?”
Judge Alaric: “Proceed, Master Devlin.”
Master Devlin: “Your Majesty, Mr Vexley suggested your testimony is fearmongering and speculation. How do you respond?”
Queen Mayuri: “Criticising the abuse of power is not fearmongering. It is concern for the people. I speak carefully, and only of what I have observed.”
Master Devlin: “Would you say, then, that this trial is more about silencing dissent than seeking justice?”
Queen Mayuri: “Yes. It is a show trial, designed to make an example. Mr Travers is being scapegoated to discourage others from questioning the status quo.”
Master Devlin: “And yet, Your Majesty, you risk your reputation and position to speak on behalf of a goblin you once married but are no longer obliged to defend. Why?”
Queen Mayuri: “Because justice matters more than reputation. Harris Travers is not perfect, but he is not the monster this trial paints him to be. If I remain silent while an innocent goblin is condemned, I am complicit. And I will not allow that.”
Master Devlin: “Thank you, Your Majesty. No further questions.”
Judge Alaric: “Very well. Mr Vexley, do you wish to recross-examine?”
Vexley: “…No, Your Honour. That will be all.”
Judge Alaric: “You may step down, Your Majesty. Master Devlin, do you have any more witnesses?”
Suddenly, Dr Shawn lets out a yelp. The Master turns to find her squirming in her chair. She jumps up as Widdle Frunkut wriggles free from her cleavage.
wF: “Oh hi, Masta! Just wanted to let you know we’re real close to catching the Stanley Shrike…”
Master Devlin: “WIDDLE FRUNKUT, GET OUT OF THERE THIS INSTANT!”
wF: “Else what? Hey, what’s all this? Some kind of court??”
The gallery erupts in murmurs. Judge Alaric bangs his gavel.
Judge Alaric: “Order! Order! Master Devlin. Does the defence have any more witnesses to call?”
Master Devlin: “Oh, why not? The defence calls Widdle Frunkut to the stand! Go sit over there, Waldo.”
wF: “Sure thing, Stan!”
Waldo dismounts from Dr Shawn’s chest and whizzes across to the witness stand.
Bailiff: “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you—”
wF: “Ah… No! Wesa never swears. My mum says it’s not nice. You want pottymouth, you ask the pizza man there. He’s always snarling and swearing.”
The confused Bailiff looks to the judge, who just shrugs and waves him away.
Master Devlin: “Widdle Frunkut, what is the nature of your relationship with Harris Travers?”
wF: “Em… he’s our brother slash son, I believe! We shared the same body once. Or rather he’d borrow this one without asking. Very naughty, yes! Also he’s our employer now! We gets the scoops for the Bossman’s newspaper.”
Master Devlin: “On the day Travers had his drug-induced rampage through town, did you join in and engage in destructive behaviour?” wF looks around evasively.
wF: “Um… we uh… don’t recall…”
Master Devlin: “It was live on television. You don’t recall lobbing Molotov cocktails around Waldminster and pretending to be Viet Cong?”
wF: “Oh yeah yeah. That was Wiffuhuh! We trolled the Travers-man real good too.”
Master Devlin: “So you admit much of the violence that day — as well as the WF graffiti that incited the protests — was your doing?”
wF: “Damn straight! Travers-man barely done nothing. He was just running around rambling and tugging on Travers Junior. The real fun was thanks to Wiffuhuh. It’s our head up there next to the peppersteak — this is the Waldoverse, people, and don’t you forget!”
Master Devlin: “Thank you, Widdle Frunkut. That’s actually very helpful for once.”
wF: “No problem, Stan… We also has further testimonials to make, if I may, Your Honour…”
Judge Alaric: “Very well, Mr Frunkut.”
wF: “I thinks it important this court understands the Masta here is an elaborate combination of ethnic heritages. French, Dutch, Irish, Creole, Javanese, Welsh, German, Israeli — he’s also part Jewish and gypsy. In fact, you go far enough back, he’s just about everything. Everything ’cept Scottish, that is, which he erroneously claims to be. And that’s a biological fact, Jack. We tested his DNA.”
Master Devlin: “Objection! That is a damn lie! How dare you, Widdle Frunkut!”
wF: “How dare you, sir!?”
Master Devlin: “Excuse me??”
wF: “No!”
Master Devlin: “I’m going to come over there and grab you!”
wF: “Fat chance, pops! You couldn’t grab a goat.”
Master Devlin: “Your Honour, permission to treat this witness as hostile?”
wF: “The Masta has to stay at a hostel ’cos he’s a foreigner with no land.”
Steam shoots from Master Devlin’s nostrils as he charges toward the witness box and begins wrestling with the slippery goblin.
wF: “Unhinder me, Panky!”
Judge Alaric: “Order! Order!”
Master Devlin: “Oh shut up, you— ohhh…”
Judge Alaric: “Excuse me?”
wF: “Ha ha. Yeah, tell him, pizza-face.”
Master Devlin: “My apologies, Your Honour. I meant him. He hasn’t taken his medicine, you see… I wish to dismiss this witness.”
wF: “You can dismiss me, fool! We’s underground!”
Master Devlin: “We can all see you!”
wF: “Details.”
Master Devlin: “GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!”
Judge Alaric: “Not so fast, Master Devlin. Mr Vexley, do you have any questions for the witness?”
Vexley: “Yes, Your Honour. Thank you.”
Master Devlin gives a low growl as he retreats to the defence table.
Vexley: “Mr Frunkut, do you claim to have started the Waldonian Freedom movement?”
wF: “Huh? What’s that?”
Vexley: “The anti-vampire protest movement under the banner ‘WF’. You are responsible?”
wF: “Nuh uh. We gots no problems with the vampies.”
Vexley: “But you admitted you began the tags — the WF graffiti.”
wF: “Yeah. Sure! We always mark our territory everywheres. WF! That spells Wiffuhuh, that’s right!”
The gallery begins muttering.
Vexley: “So you’re saying the protests and riots under the WF flag were all a misinterpretation of mindless graffiti?”
wF shrugs.
wF: “Sure.”
Vexley: “Be that as it may — has Mr Travers ever expressed anti-vampire sentiments in your presence?”
wF: “Oh, yeah. All the time!”
Vexley: “Really?? Tell us more — and please go into detail.”
Master Devlin: “Objection, Your Honour. This witness is a con-man and can’t be trusted.”
Judge Alaric: “Yet it was you who called him to the stand. Overruled.”
wF: “Thanks very much, Your Honour. Where was we? Ah yes — the Travers-man. He’s always bitching about vampies taking over this and that. Ever since his vampy ex-girlfriend tricked him and made him all brain-sick, he’s been all mad at them.”
Vexley: “Vampire ex-girlfriend, you say? And this is the source of his hatred?”
wF: “Well, sort of. He’s not wrong about the vampies. They got a real clever scam going on — how they’s eating all these peoples while pretending to be victims… using the police and media to cover for them… making everyone afraid to spek.” wF turns to the judge.
wF: “You’re real smat, Judge! Very impressive. A con worthy of Wiffuhuh…”
Vexley: “Objection!”
Judge Alaric: “On what grounds?”
Vexley: “This is baseless, inflammatory speculation! I move to strike that entire statement from the record—”
Judge Alaric: “Well, I probably should… but frankly I appreciate the compliment. It’s nice to have good work recognised.”
Vexley: “But your honour, this—”
Judge Alaric: “Overruled. Now, do you have any more questions for the witness?”
Vexley: “…No, Your Honour, but I move to have the witness, Widdle Frunkut, arrested immediately! He has just confessed on the record to violent acts and destruction of property!”
Judge Alaric: “Hmm… yes, well… he did say that, didn’t he? Well… Goblins will be goblins, I suppose. Besides, we have bigger fish to fry. Need I remind you, Mr Vexley, this trial is about the heinous crime of vampirophobia? Motion denied. You may step down, Widdle Frunkut. And thank you. Let us all adjourn before this trial outstays its welcome.”
Master Devlin: “Your honour, I still have one more witness I’d like—”
Judge Alaric: “No, Master Devlin. This was amusing and all, but this trial is starting to outstay its welcome.”
Master Devlin: “But your honour, I wish to call Harris Travers to the stand—”
Judge Alaric: “Denied. Court is adjourned.”
The gavel falls. The Master slumps back into his seat beside Travers.
Master Devlin: “…Well, Travers… I did my best. But we should probably prepare for the worst.”
The Waldoverse continues in The Verdict