Los Spicos

The following takes place following: Amnesia

Master takes Travers to the council grounds cemetery while it's still dark atmospherically spooky.

Master Devlin: Travers, You still have an erection. Please sort that out.

Soon enough, they find Daniella Devlin's grave. They start to dig.

Then Master Ron stumbles through the cemetery

Master Ron: Ah, good evening, my fellow Waldonians. Finally paying respects to your dear mother, eh Devlin? God rest her soul.

Master Devlin: Indeed. 😒 If you'll excuse us Ron we are rather busy just now.

Master Ron: By the way, have you seen my wife, Nancy? She's around here somewhere.

Travers: Yesss, master Ron...She's over there, where you left her. Next to Bonzo's grave.

Master Ron: Oh...Excellent. Well then, Party on, dudes. Be excellent to each other.

Ron stumbles away. Travers and Devlin continue to dig.

Eventually, Travers' shovel hits something solid

They uncover a large box, but not a coffin.

Master Devlin: What's this I wonder?

Travers: Open it!

The Master opens the box. There's a collection of Waldo's silly knives

Travers: This...Is the treasure? I can't pay the fine with these. And Where's your, mom!?

The Master empties out the box and finds a folded piece of paper

The Master reads the paper

Master Devlin: This is not the grave site.

Travers: And yet the headstone says otherwise.

The Master hands it to Travers.

It appears to suggest the actual grave location:

"Barking, East London"

Master Devlin: Why does this feel familiar?

Travers: London?? No way! I'm not going there

Master Devlin: Why not?

Travers: It's just awful! It's so...foreign. I came to the Waldonia to escape diversity!

Master Devlin: Yes I know. I feel like this a trick. Waldo allegedly first turned up in Barking.

Travers: According to Master records...There's like 1000 years of activity prior that they missed from what i heard. Barking, 1502 was the first official recorded encounter.

Master Devlin: I think Waldo is playing games with us. Waldo likes to claim he is my father. I think it is best we find the actual grave location. Obviously Waldo has made this grave himself.

Travers: Maybe it's in that dog's mouth over there!

Master Devlin: You're being weird Travers. Let's go get you another oil change.

They leave the Council grounds and head north into town in search of a whore. Soon enough, they come across a rough looking harlot.

Master Devlin: Ahh good evening madam. My associate here requires a full service. Can you attend to his needs?

Strumpet: £10 or £15 without a rubber.

Master Devlin: Excellent. Here's £20. He's rubbery enough.

They go behind a dumpster. Strange mechanical noises screech from behind the dumpster. One sounds like a circular saw.

Master Devlin: 🤨

Travers reappears, Zipping up his trousers. His moustache is upside down again.

Travers: Thank ye, Fair maiden.

Master Devlin: What was all that noise?

Travers: Oil Change, Master devlin. Exactly what you paid for.

Master Devlin: Whatever. I don't care.

They start to wander through the quiet streets aimlessly.

Suddenly the Master gets an urgent call on his radio. The caller sounds notably like Glenn Morshower.

Radio: Master Devlin, this is Overlord. Multiple hostiles are heading your way from the north. Prepare to engage. Be advised, Hunter two-one Actual is Oscar Mike to assist. E.T.A seven minutes. Over.

Master Devlin: Roger. Any idea what these things are?

Travers: He said his name is Overlord, Master Devlin. Not Roger! Try to pay attention and stop speaking out of turn...

Master Devlin: Travers I will leave you to fend for yourself if you dont shut up.

Overlord: Intel suggests they are soldados of the Los Spicos drug cartel. It seems they are after their old lawyer, Harris Travers. We count seven hostiles armed with what appear to be automatic weapons approaching your position. ETA one minute.

Master Devlin: Travers do you know how to fight? We have company.

Travers: Nooooo, Master devlin. I battle in the courtroom.

The Master grabs Travers by the scruff and ducks into the nearest alley, quickly taking up a defensive position. He spots a dumpster, hurls Travers inside, and slams the lid shut.

Then, the transformation begins.

The Master grows in size. His wings unfurl. Claws sharpen. Fire ignites in his throat. Fully shifted into dragon mode, he launches skyward and perches on the edge of a nearby building, scanning the streets below.

Narrator: As it turned out, Mr. Travers had, in fact, been telling the truth about being a confidential informant for the Waldonian government… Unfortunately, they cut him loose and denied all knowledge of him during his trial. Now the word is out — likely thanks to the oily, backstabbing acting district attorney, and dozens of dangerous criminals are out for revenge on their former lawyer… including one Don Benicio Halatharez, head of the notorious Los Spicos cartel. He was recently handed a 25-year sentence in Waldgate Maximum Security after his lawyer — Travers — flipped on him. It is now open season on Mr. Travers… and anyone dumb enough to stand in the way.

A technical with a mounted M60 rumbles down the narrow, cobblestoned street and grinds to a halt at the mouth of the alley. Six Hispanic-looking men in tactical vests hop out, M4s in hand, and start creeping forward. The seventh stays behind, manning the M60 and scanning the area with cold precision.

They inch closer to Travers' location. The dumpster is rattling, making weird, panicked noises.

The bad hombres approach... apparently not thinking to look up. If they had, they might’ve noticed the buff, purple dragon squatting on the rooftop in full frog-toilet stance, watching... waiting.

In a kind of Batman swoosh, the seventh man vanishes — yanked off the technical and into the shadows before he can even gasp.

The six others close in on the dumpster.

One of them suddenly gets snatched from behind. The Master lifts him up like a ragdoll — the guy panics and sprays his M4, accidentally lighting up two of his own crew.

The Master bolts into the dark with his new hostage. The remaining three open fire in every direction, nerves shot.

The Master then drops from the roof like a wrecking ball, now fully purple-raged. He brutalizes two of them in a blur of claws and fury, then torches the last one with a roar of dragon fire.

Smoke clearing, he pops the dumpster lid. Travers is still in there. Still hiding.

Master Devlin: Out you come Travers, I attended to the unwelcome guests

Travers pops out. His toupee has been replaced with a banana peel.

Travers: Are they gone?

They see one of them slowly crawling away.

Master Devlin: All dead, apart from this one it would seem. Shall we go question the last one?

Travers: Yes! Lets.

They approach the injured man.

Travers: Hello there fella. Where you going? Are you looking for me? Travers? I see you've met my purple friend here.

The Master presses his foot on his back and stabs his toe claws into lower back.

He cries out in espanol.

Travers: Translate, Mr Devlin!

Goon: We came for you, cabron...

Travers : Now why would you do such a thing?

The master puts on more pressure. He cries.

Goon: Don Halatarez sent us...To to make an example out of you...

Travers: What! Why??

Goon: He knows you're a snitch, pendejo. Everyone in town knows. The new DA let the word out...You're a marked man ese... Hahaha... urk.

He coughs up blood.

Travers: Noooo Mister Los spico. You are the one who is speaking out of turn....This isn't true...I uh...Hrmm

Master Devlin: Wait, so you really were an informant for WBI?

Travers gives a sheepish shrug and nod.

The Master applies more pressure and his spine crunches.

Master Devlin: Oh dear. Well it looks we will have to go visit the ADA after all. We will round up these goons and take them with us. Did you snitch on Don Halatarez?

Travers: Snitch is such an ugly word. I simply provided vital Intel on my more powerful criminal clients to the Waldonian Bureau of Investigation in exchange for immunity for past...indiscretions. And if it just so happened that Don Halatharez got 25 years thanks to intel they may have got from Travers. But I don't see how I can be held responsible. Never mind being called such horrid names like snitch or rat.

Master Devlin: Sooo...basically you are a snitch by the classic definition, Travers. I don't think there is any other way to sugar coat it...But it's not for me to judge. It's probably best we extinguish this gentleman as I don't really want the cartel coming after me either. Although it's highly unlikely they will think you, Travers, will have taken out these heavily armed goons.

Travers: Perhaps we could make it look like a rival cartel?

Master Devlin: Which rival cartel?

Travers: I dunno... I guess we don't have too many of them around here...What about The Los Almas? They always leave a turtle shell with an IED at their execution sites. So I have heard. We just need a bomb and a turtle. Do you have these items?

Master Devlin: I'll leave you to address that. Perhaps get Mr Boothe to help you out.

Travers: Well it was your idea.

Master Devlin: No it wasn't.

Travers: Right, well I don't have the necessary funds to pay his wages. Not anymore. I currently can only afford to have Ermintrude in my current employ.

Master Devlin: You were never paying him.

Travers: No, Master Devlin, you're speaking out of turn. As a matter of fact I was. You're thinking of Mr Konrad. Mr Boothe and Mr Raymond I did pay a wage. Quite a handsome one too! Not as much as Ermintrude of course. She was employee of the week. And month. Every month in fact.

Master Devlin: I don't care about any of this.

Travers: Fine, just forget the turtle bomb then. Just burn the bodies and will write "Unspecified rival cartel was here" on the wall next to the charred corpses. That'll throw Benicio off.

Master Devlin: They are still going to come after you anyway.

Travers: Yesss... That's true... And the mob...Italians, the Irish, Triads, Russians...Yakuza. The fact of the matter is that i have represented many unsavoury characters. And they all ended up doing hard time.

Master Devlin: You really are an imbecile, Travers.

Travers: Hey, I didn't have much choice...

Master Devlin: Why would a 'national treasure' be tied down by the bureau, wanted dead by every criminal gang out there and yet required to pay his own court fines that he can't afford? This doesn't really live up to the grand image.

Travers: Well, see, I got in a little trouble before. Due to my busy hands. Simple misunderstandings, yet unfortunate accusations were made. So I was presented with an opportunity to avoid jail. Of course, this was before the rise of social media and the current outrage mob trend. So when it happened again, they hung me out to dry... But I will have you know that over one hundred dangerous criminals are behind bars thanks to me. Travers! I bet you can't say the same.

Master Devlin: ...

Travers: Don't look at me like that! In fact, let's not forget that you're life-mates with an insane, mass murdering psychopath. So don't you dare judge me, Master Devlin...don't you dare! You are judging out of turn!

Master Devlin: I will judge you...You lied under oath all the way through your court case. The ADA although terrible and a disgrace, was right. The only thing that turned out to be honest was the tie down by the bureau. Then you talk about Widdle Frunkut. The man who's wife you stole. And now you're trying to steal his fiance...You're a sex pest, just like ADA said.

Travers: Now now Master Devlin. Settle down! You are speaking out of turn.

Master Devlin: No Mr. Travers it is you who is speaking out of turn. I'm trying to highlight to you that you are a walking disaster and you really need to rethink your life...You do nothing to assist me. You are not my pupil. You bring me no real joy or advantage. I'm there to dig you out of your problems that YOU create. Now we are going to go find this gold. Otherwise you will end up in prison. For some reason, I still find myself helping you, where as I could just walk away. So try and show a little respect.

Travers: You snotty little prick...Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?? I'm Harris John fucking Travers. A god damn national treasure! What are you? Nothing! Nobody!

Master Devlin: Fine. Have fun in prison, bitch.

Travers: I don't give a damn about these petty fines! The legal system is a joke! I will not be disrespected, Master Devlin!

Master Devlin: We already know it's a joke but that doesn't matter. You have been given a court order fine for unpaid taxes. I could be elsewhere minding my own business. Yet I'm out here killing cartel gang members for you. Trying to find gold... for YOU. What do I get out of it? You do not help me with anything. I married you and your wife. I was there for you during your trial. Yet I'm the snotty prick? Fuck you.

Travers: Nooooo Master Devlin...You enjoy all the killing. And you are obsessed with gold. Just another greedy jew dragon who only cares about finding treasure...You enable lunatics like Widdle Frunkut. The truth is that you would be horribly bored if we didn't find trouble for you.

Master Devlin: If I am that obsessed with gold, then why am I planning to give you some?

Travers: Why do you even care about the fine?

Master Devlin: At this point, i have no idea... You do not appreciate anything i do for you so let's just forget it. Goodbye Travers...

The Master starts to walk away. Travers looks hurt and vulnerable. He hurries after the Master.

Travers: So um...Is this the end of the second act in which our new buddy movie friendship falls apart...

Master Devlin: ...

Travers: I don't want that... How about we just skip to the part where we make up and become best friends?

The Master stops.

Travers: I'm sorry Master Devlin. Perhaps I haven't shown it, but have appreciated your assistance. Very much so. I just a little sensitive to being spoken down to. Especially out of turn...

Master Devlin: It's hardly assistance when I am digging you out of the fucking hole...And I don't appreciate rudeness.

Travers: That's fair... I suppose. Travers does tend to get a little carried away. Trouble seems to find us.

Master Devlin sighs.

Master Devlin: Indeed. Especially with that target on your back now. I think perhaps we should get you out of the country for a bit until things calm down... You'll only be a danger to others.

Travers: That's true...

Master Devlin: So...Shall we go look for the grave?

Travers: Sure. I guess. In Barking?

Master Devlin: Actually I was thinking Louisianna. You might be on to something with the painting. We'll pick it up on the way. Shall we go then?

Travers: Sure thing, partner!

Master Devlin: Hop on then.

Travers climbs aboard. The Master unfurls his wings and takes off.

Season 3 continues in Transatlantic Treasure Hunt