Time's Up For Travers

The following takes place directly following: Travers Get Audited

Travers is sitting in his jail cell when he notices Master Devlin appear.

Travers: Oh... Hellooooo, Master Devlin. Yes, Travers is in jail. Again. Come to gloat?

Master Devlin: No. I came because you called me to come bail you out.

Travers: Oh. Right, right.

Master Devlin: Mayuri is very upset you didn't use your one phone call for her, by the way.

Travers: I don't want Mayuri to see me in here. I don't even want her to acknowledge that I'm in this zoo! She'll just have to run the firm till I return—though you may need to help her.

Master Devlin: I will help you the best I can, as long as you stop accusing me of having something to do with the WRS showing up.

Travers: So you swear you had no part in that?

Master Devlin: I swear.

Travers: Very well. Then I offer my apologies for accusing you out of turn. And thank you... Master Devlin. You are truly one of my oldest and dearest friends.

Master Devlin: Hrmm, er... Hung kung... Well, I will see if I can raise funds through your company to cover your bail, but we need to wait for your first hearing with the judge.

Travers: I need a lawyer. Would you like to represent me in court? You seem to understand this tax stuff...

Master Devlin: I can't, but I can make some calls... Regarding the sexual assault...

Travers: Sexual assault?? Bah! I will simply deny it. No proof! We simply say the accusers speak out of turn.

Master Devlin: Well, unfortunately they may call on me to testify as a witness, and I won't lie for you under oath. Plus the arresting officer also said you got a bit handsy... My advice is plead guilty to that charge and try to make the case that this was a one-off. A moment of drunken madness... Though I expect the prosecution will want to bring in their own character witnesses to discredit this.

Travers: Well, as far as the officers and other "character witnesses" are concerned, we will simply make the case that they have it in for Mr. Travers on account of me being a criminal lawyer... We should try to dig up some dirt on the arresting officers though.

Master Devlin: I suppose you do represent a lot of scumbags that the police are trying to put away. Do you have anyone who can speak positively on your behalf?

Travers: I don't know. I mostly know cops... I would have said DCI Waldo but seeing as I stole his wife recently, that's probably out of the question... Perhaps DI Drake? No, wait... She punched me in the face after I grabbed her tits at the Warrant of Hope Fundraiser last year...

Master Devlin: Good lord, man... You're a trainwreck. Frankly, you deserve to be in there...

Travers: It's not my fault, Master Devlin. I have a sickness! I just do things!

Master Devlin: Yes, well, I wouldn't hold your breath on many people wishing to speak in your favour. Perhaps for the tax evasion stuff, but the sexual assault element—they might keep away.

Travers: So it's "Time's Up 4 Travers"? 😓 You gotta help me, Master Devlin, Travers can't go back to prison! Someone needs to speak up for him!

Master Devlin: I don't know, Travers. We'll see what comes out of the initial hearing, but it's not looking good. I'm afraid I might even have to distance myself. You're being labelled as a sexual predator and I'm afraid "innocent until proven guilty" just doesn't really work in these cases. Trial by media, that sort of thing... But I will help where I can, on the sidelines.

Travers: But... You're just doing what everyone else does! Where's that master conviction? Principles??

Master Devlin: Well, you are guilty. I saw it myself. And you've just admitted it wasn't the first time.

Travers: Irrelevant!

Master Devlin: Totally relevant.

Travers: Unproven! You're just giving in to the mob mentality! Captain Picard wouldn't do that, would he, Frakes?

Jonathan Frakes beams in next to Master Devlin and stares at him with a look of disapproval.

Frakes: No, he wouldn't... Captain Picard would do what's right... not what's popular. It's fact.

Travers: See? Hey, Frakes, how would you like to be a character witness! Tell the court about how much of a treasure, Travers is?

Frakes: Riker to Enterprise. One to beam up...

Frakes dematerializes in a shimmer of transporter light.

Travers: Hmph.... Well if I'm so bad, then why help at all, Master Devlin? Why secretly help from behind the scenes if I’m such a bad man?

Master Devlin: For the sake of your poor wife, and in order to see you get a fair trial and not be made guilty just by mob mentality... But let's not be mistaken, Travers, you've fucked up. This isn't a case of "believe all women" minus any proof. This is a case where there are witnesses—including myself—showing your guilt.

Travers: : Like I said, I have a sickness, Master Devlin. A sickness! I can't help myself... Compulsive grabbing... it's a goblin thing... We must make the case that it was not predatory.

Master Devlin: Very well. I can arrange for you to be assessed by a psychologist. However, this may unearth other things—such as your mental state.

Travers: A shrink!? No way... And my mental state is tip-top, Master Devlin. Tip top! ...aside from the aforementioned sickness.

Master Devlin: Are you sure about that? Why don't you have real moustaches?

Travers: No need. I'm a shareholder of a novelty company. I have boxes and boxes of them at home. There's no need to grow a real one.

Master Devlin: But why use them?

Travers: I dunno. I think they're fun. Plus, real moustaches itch.

Master Devlin: What happens to you when you remove the fake moustache?

Travers: I don't know. Whenever I think about removing it I suddenly feel very sleepy and start to dream... usually about causing chaos...

Master Devlin: Do you not see the problem?

Travers: Nooo, Master Devlin. I see no problem here.

Master Devlin (sighs): Look, do you want a psychologist evaluating you or not?

Travers: Is it really necessary?

Master Devlin: If you're pleading diminished capacity? Absolutely. Otherwise, good luck sleazing your way out of this.

Travers: I see... Is it safe?

Master Devlin: What?

Travers: Is it safe?

Master Devlin: We’re not doing a Marathon Man bit, are we?

Travers: Uh... Maybe...

Master Devlin: I would add that if—by some miracle—you do sleaze your way out of this, you’ll need to clean up your act. Seriously. Therapy. Or chemical castration. The constant oil changes—especially when people are around—is deeply unsettling.

Travers: (horrified): C-castr... Noooooo. No no no no no. Absolutely not. Out of the question. Don’t even say that word!

Master Devlin: Right. Well... Goodbye, Travers.

Travers: Wait! Where are you going?

Master Devlin: I'm leaving now. I'll see if I can find you a decent lawyer.

Travers: But...

Master Devlin: Goodbye, Travers. Try not to grope the guards while you're in here...

Season 3 continues in Bad News