THE WALDOVERSE ARCHIVES

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The Trial

The following takes place following: Post Pre-Trial Blues

Two weeks later, the trial begins.

Opening Statements:

Bailiff: All rise! For the honourable Judge Marshall Stevens presiding.

Judge Stevens: Please be seated. How are we today, counsel?

Prosecutor: Very well, thank you, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: Good. And you, Mr. Travers?

Travers: As well as can be expected in such times, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: I see. And you are still representing yourself today?

Travers: Yes, Your Honour. I am a lawyer...

Judge Stevens: Very well. Councilman, your opening statement, please.

Prosecutor: Thank you, Your Honour. Harris John Travers. You may know him as the self-proclaimed national treasure and lawyer. But Mr. Travers doesn't believe the law applies to him. He lives a life of sleaze and insists his female members of staff not wear clothes at work. Mr. Travers doesn't believe he should be paying taxes like the rest of the hardworking Waldonian citizens. Then, when he was being audited for tax evasion, he sexually assaults Miss Cynthia Jones. Mr. Travers has a knack for sleaze and blackmail. I urge you, the jury, to think carefully and find Mr. Travers guilty.

Judge Stevens: Okay. Thank you. Mr. Travers, have you prepared an opening statement for the defence? Or your defence, I should say.

Travers: Yes, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: Please proceed.

Travers rises, stands confidently, adjusts his tie

Travers: Thank you, Your Honour. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The prosecution is going to attempt to paint a very negative and scary picture of me. A caricature of a predatory tax dodger who molests women. Of course he is. That's his job – to hoodwink you, the jury. He thinks he can get away with it because he believes you all to be stupid. A bunch of yokels. But I know better...

I, on the other hand, will be offering you an alternative story, with one special key ingredient... the truth! Something that the prosecution cares little for. Yes, my friends, what you will learn over the course of this trial is that I, Harris Travers, am not a violent predator, but instead, I am only goblin... I am not infallible, despite the heavy burden of being known as a national treasure.

You will learn that what the prosecution will attempt to paint as willful crimes, was, in fact, nothing more than an unfortunate comedy of errors... a series of mistakes, without a single shred of proof of malicious or criminal intent. Innocent mistakes. Nothing more. And who doesn't make mistakes? I know I do. Yes, even philanthropic national treasures sometimes mess up. I bet you do too... we're not so different, you and I.

I mean... does anyone really understand taxes? Do you? How about you? No. I didn’t think so... I know I don’t... I’m just a regular guy! I like to drink beer. And watch... sportsball... And freedom. It’s what I love best about this realm... freedom. You, ladies and gentlemen, you have that power. I urge you to use that freedom to think for yourselves. Don’t let this pompous prosecutor tell you what to think... open your minds to the truth... because he can't handle it! Do that, and I know you will find that the only thing I’m guilty of is being flesh and blood, and occasionally a bit of a harmless fool.

Thank you.

Judge Stevens: Thank you, Mr. Travers. We will recess until tomorrow morning, where the first witnesses will be called. Court is adjourned.

Bailiff: All rise.

****


The next morning, in the courthouse...

Bailiff: All rise for the Honourable Judge Marshall Stevens presiding.

Travers: Honourable? *snort*

Judge Stevens: Good morning, all. Please be seated. Counselman, I understand you wish to call your first witness?

Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honour. I call Mr. Kyle Konrad to the stand.


First Witness: Kyle Konrad

Mr. Konrad enters, walks up the aisle, glancing at Travers and Master Devlin before taking the stand. He's sworn in.

Prosecutor: Mr. Konrad, how long have you worked at the law firm Travers, Travers & Shiina?

Mr. Konrad: I'm not exactly sure, to tell you the truth.

Prosecutor: Ballpark?

Mr. Konrad: Seven years, maybe.

Prosecutor: So you know Mr. Travers well, I take it?

Mr. Konrad: Not very well, no.

Prosecutor: No? You’ve worked for him for seven years and you don't know him well?

Mr. Konrad: I'm his messenger. We have a professional relationship. We don't socialise.

Prosecutor: I see. Do you get a salary?

Mr. Konrad: No salary. I do what he asks in exchange for legal aid.

Prosecutor: Why do you require legal aid?

Mr. Konrad: I'm currently under arrest.

Prosecutor: For what?

Mr. Konrad: I have no idea.

Prosecutor: What do you mean?? Surely you must know...

Mr. Konrad: No. I don't.

Prosecutor: Care to elaborate? What can you tell us?

Mr. Konrad: I've been pursued by an alternative, shadow legal system for the past nine years after being accused of unspecified crimes. There are corrupt judges holding my life in their hands and I have to jump through their hoops to avoid being sentenced. Mr. Travers works on my behalf to keep them happy—allegedly.

Prosecutor: How so?

Mr. Konrad: He meets with them. Has dinner with them and claims to vouch for me. What they discuss, or do, I know not.

Prosecutor: Why do you comply? Have you gone to the police??

Mr. Konrad: The WPD refuse to investigate. As to why I comply, it's simple: I fear for my life, therefore I comply. Others who have been sentenced... it goes badly for them.

Prosecutor: Does Mr. Travers ask you to do anything... unsavoury?

Mr. Konrad: Not really.

Prosecutor: Not really?

Mr. Konrad: I mostly just deliver messages. Sometimes carry boxes of fake moustaches.

Prosecutor: Why fake moustaches?

Mr. Konrad: Mr. Travers has shares in a novelty chain. He has a lot of excess inventory.

Prosecutor: I see.

Mr. Konrad: The fake moustaches are the most popular item. Pretty much the only item—aside from fake bosoms.

Prosecutor: Have you ever encountered Mr. Travers behaving inappropriately to female clients?

Mr. Konrad: Well, he doesn't get many. In fact, I can only recall one... she came in for a consultation about three months ago.

Prosecutor: A Ms. Alison Matherson, perhaps?

Travers: Objection, Your Honour. Speculative and leading.

Judge Stevens: Sustained. Counselman, you better get to the point here.

Prosecutor: Can you tell me the name of this client?

Mr. Konrad: I don't recall. Some kind of doctor, I believe...

Prosecutor: And how did that go? Any incidents?

Mr. Konrad: Well, um...

Prosecutor: Mr. Konrad, I remind you that you are under oath.

Mr. Konrad: She, um... tried to perform a sex act on Mr. Travers. So he sent her away. Asked her to leave the building. She took it badly and started squawking about sexual assault. But we all saw it. Myself... Mr. Boothe and Mr. Raymond.

Prosecutor: Is it fair to say that Mr. Travers has a reputation for womanising?

Travers: Objection, Your Honour! Irrelevant hearsay!

Prosecutor: Your Honour, I'm simply asking for the witness’s opinion. I think it's quite relevant.

Judge Stevens: Overruled. Answer the question, Mr. Konrad.

Mr. Konrad: Um. Yes. I suppose so...

Prosecutor: And yet you expect us to believe that Mr. Travers turned down this offer? Can you explain why? Somehow I doubt it was due to his professionalism...

Mr. Konrad: He, um... Mr. Travers, that is, said the doctor was giving off ...“Tranny vibes.”

There's a mix of gasps and chuckles in the audience. A woman stands up and screams “Bigot!” and starts causing a ruckus.

Judge Stevens: Order! Order! Silence in the courtroom. Bailiffs, please eject that woman.

The woman is removed.

Judge Stevens: Continue, Counselman.

Prosecutor: Uh... no more questions, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: Mr. Travers, do you have any questions for this witness?

Travers: Yes, Your Honour. Thank you. Mr. Konrad, in all your years of service, have you ever witnessed the defendant, Harris Travers, mistreat any women?

Mr. Konrad: No.

Travers: Prior to the charges brought before this court, have you ever even heard accusations of the defendant mistreating women?

Mr. Konrad: No, I have not.

Travers: And would it not be fair to say that, in light of your unfortunate and unique circumstances with the law—for which you have never been proven guilty, I might add—that the last thing you'd want to risk is a perjury conviction?

Mr. Konrad: Yes, that's fair to say.

Travers: Thank you, Mr. Konrad. And just one more question... Is it true that you have heard that the acting District Attorney over there can be found walking around Fifth and Waldway, on a Friday afternoon, approaching CHILDREN while wearing nothing but women's panties?

Prosecutor: OBJECTION!

Mr. Konrad: I can confirm that I have heard that before.

Gasps ripple through the jury box. A few jurors hurriedly scribble notes. Someone drops a pencil.

Prosecutor: Your Honour, that is an outrageous, unfounded lie!

Judge Stevens: MR. TRAVERS...

Travers: Withdrawn! No further questions, Your Honour...

The judge scowls at Travers.

Judge Stevens: Strike that last question and answer from the record. I'm warning you, Mr. Travers. You're on very thin ice... Maybe you’re used to pulling stunts like that in whatever circus you call a courtroom, but I will not tolerate that kind of mudslinging here.

Despite the judge’s scolding, several jurors now glare suspiciously at the ADA.

Judge Stevens The witness is excused. Mr. Konrad, you may step down... Counselman, your next witness?

Prosecutor: Yes, Your Honour. I call to the stand Ms. Alison Matheson.

Second Witness: Alison Matheson

A woman in her late 50s walks steadily down the aisle and takes the stand. Travers watches her, visibly baffled. He turns to Master Devlin and shrugs.

Prosecutor: Ms. Matheson, would you mind telling the court a bit about yourself?

Ms. Matheson: Certainly. I’m 57 years old, from Walver Lake. I’m divorced, with one grown child.

Prosecutor: And your profession?

Ms. Matheson: I’m a tenured Ethics Professor at Waldonian University. I’ve been teaching there for over two decades.

Prosecutor: Impressive. So would it be fair to say you hold a position of respect and credibility within your community?

Ms. Matheson: I’d like to think so, yes. I’ve always taken that responsibility seriously.

Prosecutor: Ms. Matheson, who is Mr. Travers to you?

Ms. Matheson: I approached Mr Travers for legal advice..

Travers: Objection, Your Honour! Lack of foundation—this witness was never presented to the defence! And more importantly, I have never seen this woman in my life. I literally don’t know who this is. If anyone’s inventing fantasy stories, it’s the prosecution...

Judge Stevens: Overruled. This witness was on the list. Did you not read it?

Travers looks confused. Master Devlin leans over, taps a file on the table in front of them.

Master Devlin: Uh... Travers, it’s right there. On the desk. You didn’t prep at all, did you?

Judge Stevens: Do you need a moment, Mr. Travers?

Travers: Uh—no, Your Honour. Just a slight mix-up. Paperwork shenanigans. But I still maintain this witness is a complete stranger to me.

Judge Stevens: You’ll have your chance to cross-examine. Proceed, Counselman.

Prosecutor: Ms. Matheson, can you tell the court about your encounter with Mr. Travers?

Ms. Matheson: I initially sought legal advice from the Travers firm regarding a neighbourly dispute over a garden fence. But Mr. Travers insisted they only took payment in oil changes. I didn’t quite understand—this had nothing to do with cars—but he kept bringing it up like it was standard legal tender.

Prosecutor: Did Mr Travers elaborate on these oil changes?

Ms. Matheson: Yes...He...He insinuated that he was looking for...

Prosecutor: Take your time...

Ms. Matheson: Oral sex...

The witness starts openly weeping and sobbing.

Travers: OBJECTION, YOUR HONOUR. HIGHLY SPECULATIVE!

Prosecutor: Your honour, I think the witness has earned the right to speak here today.

Judge Stevens: Speculative in what way, Mr Travers?

Travers: The witness is speculating an alternative meaning to a commonly used phrase with zero evidence. The witness is speculating out of turn!

Judge Stevens: Overruled. But Mr District Attorney, this better be good

Travers: OUTRAGEOUS...These are Ed damn lies!

Judge Stevens: SIT DOWN, MR TRAVERS!

Travers sits down in a huff.

Judge Stevens: Continue, Counselman...

Prosecutor: Thank you, Your Honour. Ms. Matheson, how did Mr. Travers insinuate that he was attempting to solicit oral sex from you?

Ms. Matheson: He kept saying he needed to be “compensated with an oil change” and kept pointing at his crotch, gesturing that this was where the oil change had to happen. His moustache even trembled when he said it. He made it clear it was to be done with my mouth.

Prosecutor: How did you respond?

Ms. Matheson: I was outraged. I told him this was not how a lawyer should behave. He said I was “speaking out of turn.” After that, I left his office.

Master Devlin (leaning in to whisper to Travers): This is not looking good Travers.

Prosecutor: Ms. Matheson, was there anyone else present? Any witnesses?

Ms. Matheson: Not in the room. But his topless receptionist saw me enter and leave.

Prosecutor: His... topless receptionist?

Ms. Matheson: Yes, that's correct.

Prosecutor: And when did this take place?

Ms. Matheson: March 10th, 2023. Around half past twelve.

Master Devlin: Travers, that was only two months ago! How could you forget this woman??

Travers: I don’t know... I, uh... I meet a lot of women...

Prosecutor: Ms Matheson, in your professional opinion, what do you make of someone like Mr Travers?

Ms. Matheson: In my professional opinion, Mr. Travers is a manipulative predator who abuses his legal position to intimidate and degrade women, all under the calculated guise of eccentricity. His behavior is not quirky or misunderstood—it is deliberate misconduct, masked in faux charm to avoid accountability. He is the embodiment of institutional decay, a relic of a bygone era, and a glaring example of the rape culture that continues to infect our society. In short: a misogynistic sexual predator hiding in plain sight.

Prosecutor: That’s very powerful, Ms. Matheson. I commend you for your courage in speaking out today. Your testimony is invaluable.

He pauses for a moment, as if taking the weight of her words in.

Travers stares down at his desk, glum and silent.

Prosecutor: No further questions for this witness, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: Mr Travers, your witness...

Travers: ...

Judge Stevens: Mr Travers!?

Travers: Huh? What?

Judge Stevens: You do have any questions for this witness?

Travers: Oh, right... Sure, why not... Uh... Just a second.

Prosecutor: Objection, Your Honour. I don’t believe it’s appropriate for the defendant to cross-examine this witness.

Judge Stevens: Overruled. I’m sure Ms. Matheson can handle herself, and I’d like to proceed. But Mr. Travers, I expect you to be on your best behaviour...

Travers glances around his desk, unsure how to challenge her. It’s his word against hers. Suddenly, something clicks in his mind. He finds her sworn statement and quickly scans through it, his eyes widening as if a lightbulb has gone off in his head.

Travers: Ms. Matheson... This document is your signed witness statement, isn’t it?

He hands it to the bailiff, who carries it over to her. She puts on her glasses and studies it.

Ms. Matheson: Yes it is.

Travers: For the benefit of the court, it’s a detailed account of the sexual misconduct you allege occurred on the 10th of March, 2023...

Ms. Matheson: Yes.

Travers: Good to know we’re finally on the same page... So, this statement claims this meeting occurred at 12:30 PM. Is that correct?

Ms. Matheson: Correct.

Travers: This topless receptionist... I wonder... Can you describe her appearance?

Ms. Matheson: She’s small. Dark hair. East Asian...

Travers: Do you know her name?

There’s a brief pause as Matheson hesitates.

Travers: Ms. Matheson, may I remind you that you’re under oath?

Ms. Matheson: Yes... I understand. Her name is Mayuri Travers. She’s now your wife.

Travers: I see. It’s true that my wife, Mayuri, was my receptionist for a time. She’s now a partner in my law firm... What do you think of that? How does that align with my supposed misogyny?

Ms. Matheson: I'd say it's a convenient cover. Your wife’s promotion isn’t empowerment; it’s tokenism. You give her a seat at the table, but you still control it. It’s a façade—just another way to mask your deep-seated misogyny. You pretend to elevate women, but in reality, you reinforce the system that keeps you in power.

Travers: Of course... And of course, as we all know, my wife is sadly in a coma and can’t corroborate your account... pauses dramatically Ms. Matheson... Did you know that the 10th of March, in the year of our Editor, two thousand and twenty-three, was a very special and memorable day for me?

Matheson shrugs, unsure where he’s going with this.

Ms. Matheson: No idea. Why would I?

Travers: No...? Well, I'll tell you. The fact of the matter is... It was my wedding day to Miss Mayuri Shiina, who was, indeed, my receptionist at the time. With her distinct black hair and medium-sized boobs. And guess what? At the time you alleged that you and I had this awful encounter, my wife and I were at church—Waldobury Cathedral, in fact. In front of dozens of witnesses. Several of them are here today. There was even a police report after an unfortunate attempted terrorist attack...

Matheson starts to squirm and shift uncomfortably in her seat. The jury and the courtroom audience get very excited.

Travers: So now, I ask you, Ms. Matheson... What’s the going rate for committing perjury these days? How much were you paid to lie about me in open court?

Prosecutor: Objection!

Judge Stevens: Overruled...Ms Matheson. What do you have to say for yourself?

Matheson rises in a fury.

Ms. Matheson: HE'S A MONSTER!! A vile, disgusting predator who manipulates and degrades women! You think this is a game? Well, it’s not! Women like me, women like the countless others he’s hurt—

Judge Stevens: That's enough, Ms Matheson. Perjury is a serious offence. Did you even have an encounter with Mr Travers?

Ms. Matheson: I don't need to have met him to know what I know! I've known so many men like him and if I have to bend the truth to get justice, then so be it! What does it say about this system—

Judge Stevens: That's enough, Ms Matheson...

Ms. Matheson: ...That a woman has to lie just to be heard? That predators like him thrive in plain sight while we have to shatter ourselves into pieces to be taken seriously?

Judge Stevens: Ms. Matheson. You are in contempt of court and will be remanded in custody... Bailiffs, take her away.

Ms. Matheson: You should be thanking me! I did what had to be done! I spoke for the voiceless! And if that means lying—then maybe lying is the only way good people can win!

The Bailiffs drag her away kicking and screaming.

Travers: I will see you in civil court, you flat chested old shrew! You spoke out of turn about the wrong goblin!

Judge Stevens: Counselman, were you aware of the wedding date? That was embarrassing, sir...

Prosecutor: I uh...I don't know, must've missed it, Your Honour...She seemed credible...

Travers turns to the prosecutor, very smug.

Travers: I must say, Mr. District Attorney... that was sloppy! And I didn’t even bother to read the witness list! Hehehe... Very sloppy indeed... Just how I like my oil changes—Wait! Strike that last part from the record!

Judge Stevens: Mr. Travers... I will decide what is stricken from the record. Sloppy oil changes?

Travers: Apologies, Your Honour. In all this excitement, I got confused and spoke out of turn...

Judge Stevens: Mr. Travers, approach the bench.

Judge Stevens: Mr. Travers... please control yourself. I can see your erection from over here.

Travers: Yes, Your Honour. Sorry, Your Honour. I wonder if we might—uh—have a brief bathroom break?

Judge Stevens: Very well. The court will take a short recess. Bailiff, clear the courtroom.

****

As the trial resumes, the judge delivers some unexpected news.

Judge Stevens: Now, before we continue, I’ve just been informed that a key witness—Ms Cynthia Jones—has suffered a mental breakdown and has been committed to psychiatric care.

Travers leaps out of his chair and punches the air in celebration.

Travers: Your Honour, I motion to dismiss the case!

Judge Stevens: Not so fast, Mr Travers. While I agree that I have no choice but to dismiss the sexual assault charges, there remains the matter of the tax evasion charges against you—which, as I understand it, are based on more than mere witness testimony.

Travers: Oh... right. I forgot about all that.

Judge Stevens: Counselman, it is only out of my sheer curiosity that I’m allowing this freakshow to continue. Now, please present your evidence.

Prosecutor: Thank you, Your Honour. Now... before Ms Jones’ unfortunate hospitalisation, she provided us with the following documentation. I am submitting these documents into evidence.

Travers: Objection, Your Honour!

Judge Stevens: On what grounds?

Travers: On the grounds that the prosecution’s evidence is based on documents provided by a basket case. Clearly, nothing she’s said or written can be trusted, given her apparent mental state.

Judge Stevens: Overruled. Continue, Counselman.

Prosecutor: Ahem… It shows that Travers, Travers & Shiina—under its current and previous names—has submitted zero tax returns and paid no tax of any kind since its inception. The company has also failed to declare its annual turnover or net profits. The official statement provided to the WRS by Mr Travers, regarding the undeclared revenue, and I quote:

“I’m afraid my wife was supposed to keep the records… she didn’t realise that meant for more than a week… she shredded everything… then burned the shreddings. She’s Japanese. I can only apologise…”

Prosecutor: I would now like to call Mr Travers to the stand.

Third Witness: Harris John Travers

Travers climbs up to the stand.

Prosecutor: Mr Travers, can you explain the lack of financial tax records for your company?

Travers: Uh… yes I can. Misfortune!

Prosecutor: And the lack of tax payments to date?

Travers: Ignorance and poor judgement.

Prosecutor: I see. Let’s start with the misfortune. Care to elaborate?

Travers: It was a terrible fire. Two months ago. Destroyed all our records.

Prosecutor: So it wasn’t your wife burning everything?

Travers: No, police suspect it was her grandmother—Sayuki Waldo. Who also attacked our wedding. Anyway, it was ruled insufficient evidence… but yes, it destroyed years of paperwork.

Prosecutor: And the reason there have been no tax returns submitted… ever?

Travers: Well, y’see, the thing about that is… my wife was in charge of that. That’s on me. It was a bad call. I thought she could manage—but she was out of her depth. And now she can’t answer to it, as she’s in a coma. She was brutally attacked, you know. By a violent mob of militant feminists!

Prosecutor: We are all very sorry for what happened to your wife. But this is inexcusable. You are the director of the company. How do you explain the same problem prior to your marriage and the employment of your wife-turned-business partner?

Travers: I had an accountant. His name was Widdle Frunkut. He swindled me. Though I got my revenge. Look, I’m terrible with bookkeeping. And evidently a poor judge of character. But it wasn’t intentional, I swear! So help me, Ed!

Prosecutor: So you admit your guilt—and that you owe the Waldonian government a lot of money in tax.

Travers: I admit that I… perhaps… am not perfect. And that I may have made some mistakes. Through ignorance. I tried to explain this to Ms Jones. I don’t really know about… taxes and shares. Money stuff…

Prosecutor: You tried to explain it to her right before you grabbed her—

Judge Stevens: Counselman!

Prosecutor: Excuse me, Your Honour. Withdrawn.

Travers: I’m very sorry for my mistakes, Your Honour… How does anyone even learn taxes? They didn’t really teach us this kind of thing in school.

Judge Stevens: Where did you go to school, Mr Travers?

Travers: I went to Cornell. I studied a cappella.

Judge Stevens: And your law degree?

Travers: The Walver Lake Online School of Law, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: Never heard of it… Counselman?

Prosecutor: Uh… no. I have no further questions, Your Honour.

Judge Stevens: Mr Travers, do you wish to... cross-examine the witness?

Travers: Yes I do, Your Honour.

Travers turns dramatically to the witness stand—though he is the witness.)

Travers: Mr Travers… did you willfully evade taxation?

Travers: No, sir.

Travers: Are you sorry for the mistake?

Travers: Oh yes, sir! Very much so. I delegated out of turn. It was a terrible mistake, but it was not intentional.

Everyone just stares at Travers, watching him question himself.)

Travers: Mr Travers, have you heard the claims about the ADA and his perversion?

Travers: Oh yes. I heard about it down at the courthouse. He’s a complete nonce!

Prosecutor: Objection!

Judge Stevens: Sustained. This is your final warning, Mr Travers. You bring that crap up again, and I will hold you in contempt.

Travers: Sorry, Your Honour. Withdrawn… No further questions…

The jury shoot cold looks at the Acting District Attorney again.

****

The Verdict

After deliberating for just seven minutes, the jury returns to the courtroom.

Judge Stevens: Have you reached a verdict?

Head Juror: Yes, Your Honour.

Travers is sweating profusely, flippers clasped in prayer. His moustache trembles.

Judge Stevens: Please read out your verdict.

Head Juror: On the charge of willingly evading tax, we find the defendant... Not Guilty.

Travers: YESSSS!

Head Juror: On the charge of failure to keep proper financial records and submit them to the relevant authorities, we find the defendant... Guilty.

Travers: That's fair...

Head Juror: On the charge of failure to pay taxes owed, we find the defendant... Guilty.

Judge Stevens: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. You are now excused.

The jury files out.

Judge Stevens: Mr. Travers, the jury has determined that your tax evasion was unintentional. As a result, your sentence has been reduced, and you will not serve jail time. However, you are ordered to pay a fine of £70,000, in addition to £700,000 in outstanding tax payments. This serves as your formal warning: your tax returns must be filed in full each year, and you will be subject to an audit every seven weeks for the next two years. I strongly recommend that you hire an accountant.

Travers: Yes, Your Honour...

Season 3 continues in Out of Turn