Sleaze, Lies & Gold.

The following takes place some time after: Divine Intervention

The Master and Waldo are bickering again as they walk through town, heading back towards the Council.

wF: We's just saying that the Masta should use his powers for good instead of sleaze!

Master Devlin: What sleazy things has he done? If you want to talk about sleaze, let's talk about Travers. He's the epitome of sleaze.

wF: Travers is the victim of a defamatory hate campaign—found not guilty in a court of law, we might add...

Master Devlin: We all know that Travers lied under oath and falsified claims and witnesses. He's a disgusting pig. Don't forget he stole your wife!

wF: Yes, that was unfortunate, but on the other hand, Travers never manufactured and distributed arse butter! Travers never creeped on 7-year-old goblins by inviting them into his bed like the Masta has.

Master Devlin: The Master did no such thing. He made a small amount of butter for personal use.

wF: Outrageous lies. He had an entire plant! A large butter factory. He made Wiffuhuh take the tour and try samples out of pure evil. Face it, Stan, the Masta is a pervert, man!

Master Devlin: Nonsense. Besides, Waldo isn't 7—more like 1777 years old! And Travers is the one who wants to have sexy time with the Master. Travers has no boundaries. Gender matter little to Travers, y'see.

wF: Projection! Even the editor has confirmed the Masta is a groomer from the LGBTQIA+++ community!

Waldo pulls out an illustration of the Master, naked with a mischievous grin as he offers Waldo some butter.

wF: Look at this... This is the grotesque countenance of a demented, spiteful pervert and liar!

Master Devlin: 😂😂😂 Waldo needed to learn... He thought he could keep harming the Master and get away with it.

wF: Excuses... It won't wash! Hey, Stan, member when you had Reg's transtongue in your pointy mouth?

Master Devlin: I don't care. Besides, you never wash. You are filthy, Waldo.

wF: Yes you does! Waldi knowz it!

Waldo pulls out a goblin-brand switchblade and stabs the Master in the abdomen.

Master Devlin: Ouch! Widdle Frunkut!

wF: 🤪

The Master grabs Waldo and launches him over a rainbow. Seconds later, Waldo reappears, carrying a pot of gold.

wF: Look, Masta! Gold!... Also this thing...

Waldo pulls a leprechaun out of his pocket.

wF: We thinks it's Irish, just like the Masta! Is you related?

Master Devlin: Give me that!

The Master snatches the gold out of Waldo's flipper.

wF: Hey! Give that back! It's ours! 😠

Master Devlin: No. I don't want the leprechaun. Take that away with you, but I'm keeping the gold. Consider it repayment.

wF: For what??

Master Devlin: Decades of theft and hospital bills.

wF: No deal.

Master Devlin: There wasn't a negotiation!

wF: You're an addict!

The Master angrily pulls out a revolver and points it at the goblin's face.

Master Devlin: What did you call me??

Ed steps out from an alley next to them with a disapproving look.

Ed: So not only is the Master a liar and a pervert, he's also just a straight-up thief...Give the goblin his gold back.

Master Devlin: Why?

Ed: Because...

Master Devlin: Waldo has been robbing the Master for years!

Ed: The Master is supposed to at least pretend to be honourable.

Master Devlin: I am going to put this into Waldo's own bank account.

wF: Waldo doesn't have a bank account!

Master Devlin: You do now. We have an appointment with an interesting fellow down at the bank.

wF: Who?

Master Devlin: A goblin—with a long nose.

wF: You're not giving our gold to some jewblin. No way, no how. We don't deal with them! Not never! Now give us gold, you filthy fat forktail, thieving Arab gypsy!

The Master puts his large finger over Waldo's mouth to stop him speaking.

Master Devlin: Shhh shhh shhh... Calm your mind, boy.

Waldo gets cross, grabs the Master's finger, spins him around, and throws him through a wall, crashing into a furniture store. Waldo goes to grab the dropped gold on the pavement, but the Master retaliates and launches a piece of broken wall into Waldo's face.

Master Devlin: BATTLE!

Waldo is dazed for a moment, then shakes it off.

wF: Battle!

Waldo starts to do his ritualistic battle dance. After a few seconds, the Master turns around and walks down the street towards the Council. Ed likewise shrugs and retreats down a manhole. Waldo's battle dance goes on for hours. He is in a deep trance as he shuffles from side to side. Widdlington residents walk past, puzzled by what he's doing. Some even drop some change at his feet, thinking he's a street performer.

Seven hours later, Waldo finishes and launches into attack mode—only to find his Master is gone. Suddenly, a voice speaks behind him. It's Master Roger Wyndham-Pryce.

Master Roger: Widdle Frunkut, aren't you supposed to be at work today? The mess outside my office is atrocious.

wF: Nope! Union strike...

Master Roger: There is no union strike. Why are you lying to me?

wF: Lie?? Waldo? Never, sir. I can assure you there most definitely is. Custodial staff are striking because of the nonsense with the repeated outbreaks of campus-wide paintball shenanigans... We've had enough! Although personally, Waldo mostly has a problem with you Mastas and your loose bottoms spraying pooh everywhere...

Master Roger: Well, the toilet mess I understand, but I'm not sure I follow regarding the paintballs. I have heard of some shenanigans at the local community college. Are you working a second job?

wF: Possibly. It's hard to keep track. The Editor has us do many stuffs.

Master Roger: Get yourself to work, Mr. Waldo.

wF: We are not working and you can't make us! How about you go fix your son! He's an embarrassment to the Council.

Master Roger: Fine. I'll take it up with Master Devlin.

wF: You do that. Well then, run along, young man. We have business to attend to.

Master Roger: Young man? I beg your pardon...

wF: You heard. You should show some rhyspect to your elders. What are you, like 80? Even for a Masta, that's like a little baby... When you get to be 1777 years old, then we'll talk... Now scram. We're trying to protest here...

Master Roger: You aren't protesting anything. You're stumbling down the street. You look like you've been thrown at a wall—or had a wall thrown at you.

wF: Irrelevant. Haven't you got somewhere to be going? Wait, nevermind. Don't care. Good day!

Master Roger: Very well... Oh, by the way, I understand a large knight was looking for you back on campus.

wF: Cool story, bro...

Waldo walks home.

Season 4 continues in Goblin Slayer on Campus