Waldo Plumbing & The Whale

The following takes place following: Negotiations & Reunions

The Master returns to the cottage and heads inside to find Mayuri sitting at the dining table.

Master Devlin: Ah, Mayuri. Where is Travers? I need to borrow him.

Mayuri: Hi, Senpai. He's upstairs in the toilet. He just went in but should only be an hour or so. You're welcome to wait. Lunch will be ready soon.

Master Devlin: Oh dear. Why does Travers require such a lengthy toilet time?

Mayuri: I don't know. It seemed impolite to ask. Goberin-san was the same though. Perhaps it's a goblin thing.

Master Devlin: Do you clean his bottom?

Mayuri: Oh no. He does that himself.

Master Devlin: Well, that's something at least... Does he still collect it in that cardboard commode? Waldo used to insist on showing me his efforts.

Mayuri: Um... no...

Master Devlin: I see. Well, this is quite urgent, so I'll head upstairs.

Mayuri waves as the Master heads up the stairs and knocks on the bathroom door.

Master Devlin: knock knock knock Travers? Travers, I need you....

Weird grinding sounds can be heard from inside. It sounds like power tools.

Master Devlin: Good lord!

The sound grows into a roaring engine, followed by a rhythmic knocking like Sebulba's podracer. The Master looks down in disgust as a brownish-green sludge seeps out under the door and starts spilling onto the stairs.

Mayuri appears at the top of the stairs carrying a plate of chicken tenders.

Mayuri: Here, Senpai. I brought you chicken tend—oh my goodness! What is this horrible mess??

The bathroom emits a groaning sound, like the hull of a ship under extreme pressure. The door begins to swell and bulge.

Master Devlin: TRAVERS! TRAVERS, OPEN UP!

He notices a fake moustache floating past him in the sludge.

Master Devlin: Oh dear... WALDO?? OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!

Mayuri: Waldo? Why do you think Goberin-san is in—

The door explodes in the Master's face. He and Mayuri are blasted down the stairs, out the front door, and onto the lawn by a torrent of water.

Waldo washes up next to them and flops around like a fish. Mayuri sits up, dazed and stunned. The Master also rises—more confused and enraged than dazed—despite having an octopus on his head and a swordfish embedded in his abdomen.

Master Devlin: WIDDLE FRUNKUT! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???

wF: Typical Masta plumbing is what just happened. Real shoddy work. See, In a dumpster, we don't have such problems...

An Atlantic deep-sea red crab crawls out of Mayuri's hair and drops onto the grass.

Crab: Hey, any of you guys know which way to Martha's Vineyard?

The crab speaks in a thick Boston accent.

Waldo erroneously points southeast.

Crab: Thanks, pal...

The crab scuttles away.

Mayuri starts to wriggle, then stands and shakes herself off, causing a haddock to fall out of her dress and flop on the grass.

Mayuri: What... What just... Oh my! 😮 SENPAI! You're hurt!

Mayuri runs over to the Master. He winces as he pulls the swordfish out and clutches the hole through his abdomen.

Master Devlin: It's okay... I'll be alright... Just a flesh wound... I just need to sit down for a bit.

Without a word, Waldo bolts back into the cottage. Moments later, another huge rush of water spills out onto the lawn. Waldo reappears, dragging a beluga whale by the tail.

wF: Here's your problem! Got a bit of a blockage...

The whale jams in the front door.

wF: Masta, some assistance, if you will.

The Master is furious.

Master Devlin: Widdle Frunkut, have you been digging a borehole and tunnel through to the sea?

wF: Uh... Little busy here. No time for queries!

The Master pulls a lobster out of his underpants.

Master Devlin: This is totally unacceptable. What do you think you are doing?

wF: Nevermind! Let's just move past it.

Master Devlin: I will mind. Look at this house! I literally just let you move in...

wF: Well, it needed a wash.

Master Devlin: It was brand new! It was only just rebuilt after the last mishap! I should call the Goblin Slayer over and let him attend to you...

Mustered by super goblin strength, Waldo unjams the door and drags the whale out onto the lawn.

wF: Here, Masta! A gift! I see you got the other ones...

Master Devlin: Put it back in the sea. It's dying!

wF: It's not that simple.

Master Devlin: Why not? Explain yourself right now.

wF: Well, the sea is about 150 miles from here... if you believe maps...

Master Devlin: Then why is it here?

Waldo shrugs with indifference. The Master struggles to his feet, grabs Waldo by the scruff, and marches him back inside and upstairs to the bathroom. The room is soaked. The walls are warped and green. But there’s no hole—just a slimy-looking toilet.

Master Devlin: Waldo, you will explain yourself. What were you doing in here? Where’s the engine and the power tools?

wF: What you talking about?

Master Devlin: You were using them in here. Digging a hole! I heard you!

wF: Not us, sir...

Master Devlin: Travers then...

wF: Why would Travers be here?

Master Devlin: 😤

wF: You must be getting demented in your old age! Imagining stuff! Do you see a hole? Any power tools? Signs of construction?

The Master plucks Waldo’s three hairs and slaps them on his own face.

wF: 😣😖... Oh...

Master Devlin: Look at this place, Travers! Can you explain what you were doing in here?

Travers: Hello Staaann Devlin... It is meeee... Wiffuh Travers... Sssssabarasura... National treasure... No doubt, that's right!

The Master shakes him and blows into his ear.

Travers: Oh my! What happened here??

Master Devlin: That’s what I’d like to know! Now speak!

Travers: Well uh... Last thing I remember was reading one of Mayuri’s romance novels on the toilet and falling asleep... And uh...

Travers sees his reflection in the mirror.

Travers: Good lord! I’m bald! And what’s happened to my moustache?? It’s so thin...

Master Devlin: Yes, you’re bald for some reason...

Travers: Wife!?

The Master turns to find Mayuri behind him, looking bewildered.

Travers: Don’t look at me... Master Devlin, I don’t want her to see me like this.

wF: Me neither! Without our hairs, we ain't nothing...

Master Devlin: Oh dear... Why are you both here?

Travers / Waldo starts struggling as they dangle by the scruff.

Master Devlin: Umm... Mayuri, I take it you'll have questions?

Mayuri: No. I don’t think so...

They follow her downstairs as she calmly starts mopping the floor.

Master Devlin: Um... Well it looks like you’ve got this under control. I must be going... Goodbye.

Mayuri: Bye, Senpai...

The Master heads outside, still carrying Travers/Waldo, casually walking past the beached whale.

Master Devlin: Now... How are you appearing as both Waldo and Travers at the same time?

Travers: Master Devlin, what the hell are you talking about? Are you out of your Ed-damn mind?

wF: That’s what I’d like to know, flatfoot! You’re making no sssssense, pizza man! You say the most absurd stuffsss...

Travers: Not to mention out of turn...

The puzzled and slightly concerned Master suddenly gets a chill. He turns around to find Ed standing behind him.

Ed: I see you used Waldo’s hairs as a moustache... Didn’t you learn anything after nearly breaking Waldo before with your cavalier and abrupt switching of its personalities? Now you’re using his hairs as a moustache? One of the most defining Waldo attributes...

Travers: What are you looking at, Masta Devlin?

wF: He’s looking out of turn and will have no cakes today...

Travers: No respect for a national treasure such as me! Waldo! Finest damn bird lawyer in all of Waldonia...

Master Devlin: Shut up, both of you...It was necessary. I didn’t have time for this bullshit. I wanted to get to the bottom of the bathroom business...

Ed: Yes, well, your impatience has certainly resulted in a unique situation... Congratulations, Stan... You have seemingly created a new hybrid character...Walvers.

Season 4 continues in Walvers