Waverly Hills Witch Trial

The following takes place following: Gypsy Syphilis

The scene unfolds at the Waldstone Mansion grounds in Waverly Hills, Widdlington, during October 2023. The Nilbog Crisis had plunged all of Waldonia into darkness, with demons running rampant. Amid the chaos, the Waldstone Mansion, fortified under the command of "Warlord Waldo," stood as one of the few bastions of safety for humans against the monstrous beasts that roamed the city. Yet, even within these walls, humanity's own nature proved to be a perilous force.

****

"Travers, come here. It’s time for your medicine," Master Devlin ordered, lifting Travers by the scruff while trying to force-feed him his treatment for "Gypsy Syphilis."

The little goblin squirmed and flailed, his movements frantic as he protested. "This is not necessary, Master Devlin! You are administering out of turn—"

His words were cut short with a sharp, Waldo-like squawk as the medicine was forced into his mouth. After a brief moment of indignation, Travers straightened his tie and smoothed his hair, regaining a veneer of dignity.

Before they could exchange another word, a commotion from the front hall drew their attention.

"This is outrageous! You can’t be serious?" Wesley's voice carried upstairs, sharp with frustration.

Devlin and Travers descended to investigate, finding Wesley trying to console Mayuri Shiina "Walvers"—wife of both Travers and Waldo. She was being restrained by two men clad in austere, puritanical garb. Their rigid postures and firm grips left no room for negotiation.

A third man, taller than the others, stood to the side. His wide-brimmed hat obscured much of his face, but his presence radiated authority. His voice, cold and commanding, cut through the room.

"As magistrate of the court, I have the authority to have you arrested if you interfere," he stated, his tone as unyielding as stone.

Travers: "What the hell is going on here? Unhand my wife!"

Magistrate: "Ah... Goodman Travers... your wife, Goody Walvers, has been... mentioned in our investigations. She has been summoned to the court for questioning."

Travers: "This is outrageous..."

Magistrate: "Of course, while we have the greatest respect for you, national treasure that you are, you would be well advised not to interfere either. Elsewise, who knows what might be said of you..."

Travers: "Now see here, flatfoot, I am a lawyer by trade... it's my job to interfere in court. You are speaking out of turn!"

Magistrate: "I'm afraid not. The judges have declared that, in this time of national emergency, the services of lawyers are neither required... nor permitted."

Wesley: "The whole thing is a farce. You have all lost your minds."

Magistrate: "I again bid you caution in your words, sir... your name hath not yet been mentioned... yet... in the trials, but who knows how deep the rot goes..."

Mayuri is crying. "It's not true... I'm innocent," she protests.

Magistrate: "If that is so, then you will have your chance to prove it... come along..."

Travers looks bewildered and turns to the master, who appears to be suffering another inconveniently timed fugue state.

Mayuri is led outside the mansion, where several men are waiting. She is lifted onto a cart with other arrested people. The cart, along with the men on horses, heads off down the hill toward the old-timey village that had recently sprung up near the bottom of the mansion grounds.

The Master comes to...

Master Devlin: "What's going on??"

Travers: "Mayuri! They've taken her! THEY'VE taken my wife!"

Master Devlin: "WHAT?? Who has?"

Travers: "I don’t know... nutters! They took her out of turn to that village!!"

Master Devlin turns to Wesley.

Wesley: "I'm afraid it's some sort of sect of neopuritanical zealots that sprung up in the last week. They have their roots in the Waldoshire branch of the Green Party, which has been arguing that the sun being blocked out is due to anthropogenic climate change. They've since joined with many former members of the Church of Sasoism to form this new movement, where they broke away from the rest of the refugee settlers and started their own village. They reject modern technology entirely and live like the Amish, only far more dangerous. As their numbers exploded, they've become increasingly paranoid and have started accusing one another of witchcraft. The trials and executions have been going on for the last two days. I've been trying to reason with them, but now it’s spreading..."

Master Devlin: "I see..."

Wesley: "I'm sorry, I should have informed you sooner, but I thought you had enough on your plate with the war... I'm just surprised at how quickly this has all happened— even for Waldonians... Now Mrs. Walvers has been accused... of conspiring with the devil or some such. She is to stand trial..."

Travers: "It must be the curse... My wife is being punished for my sins..."

Wesley: "A curse?"

Travers: "Yes, yes! A gypsy curse! Punishment for my lechery..."

Wesley: "I rather doubt that... These are no mere gypsies."

Master Devlin: "...Oh dear..."

Wesley: "I understand you probably want to go full dragon mode and swoop in to save her, but I would advise caution. They have a great many in their numbers, even with the recent executions... A great many of the soldiers in our army have fallen to them while you were dealing with Mr. Travers."

"I think we should go to the court and at least attempt to speak in her defense."

Master Devlin: "Fine... Let's go..."

****

The Master, Travers, and Wesley head down the hill toward the sinister village. It looks like something from the 17th century, surrounded by spooky-looking dead trees and a large graveyard. The village itself is deserted, but they hear a lot of voices coming from a large building next to a church. They enter to find a packed courthouse, with people hooting and jeering from the pews and upper-level balconies. They proceed further in to find a woman at the front, standing before a panel of judges.

"...to be burned at the stake... May God have mercy on your soul... Take her away..." one of the judges says as the woman screams and struggles, then is led out a side door. "Next," says another judge, casually. "Goody Walvers..."

The trio anxiously make their way to the front, maneuvering past the crowds in the packed aisle.

Mayuri is brought forth by the magistrate from earlier. The crowd boos.

Judge: "By the authority of this court, I demand silence! Now... Goody Walvers, you stand accused of being in communion with the devil... The one they call... The Editor. How do you plead?"

Mayuri: "I plead innocence, your lordship... I don't know why I'm here! I've never even met the Editor..."

The trio recognizes Mr. Boothe as one of the judges.

Travers: "That traitor! I'll..." Travers cries, enraged, as Wesley grabs him and covers his mouth in an attempt to calm him down.

Judge Boothe: "Well... The fact is, we have written testimonies from several reliable eyewitnesses, that you did, in fact, creep abroad late yesternight deep into Waldobury Park, where you did meet with the devilish fiend, with whom you danced, naked, round a fire until sunrise."

Mayuri: "I did no such thing! I’ve not even left these grounds for months!"

Judge Boothe: "Then before that... How oft hast thou creepeth into the Black Forest to dance naked 'round a fire with the devil?"

Mayuri: "Never! I admit, I've been naked in public a number of times since moving here to Widdlington... Even danced on occasion... But never 'round a fire in the woods... And certainly not with the devil! Who has accused me of such horrible things??"

Judge Boothe: "The accusers are to remain anonymous, for their right to protection from vengeance..."

Mayuri: "But... but how am I to defend myself? What about my rights?"

Another judge, the former cult leader of the Church of Saso, answers.

Judge: "My dear lady, you are an accused woman. You have no rights. We are simply here to ascertain the level of your guilt and to give you the opportunity to confess and start naming your accomplices. Of course, if you have any evidence to prove your innocence, now is the time..."

Mayuri: "But I... I can only give you my word that I’m innocent... I... I... I don’t know what’s happening..." She breaks down in tears.

The Master, enraged, is about to do his brute force routine when Wesley puts his hand on his chest and approaches the bench.

Wesley: "If it pleases the court, I would like to speak for Miss... um... Goody Walvers. Along with my associates, Master Devlin, pillar of the community, and Mr. Travers, national treasure and husband to the accused, we wish to offer our testimonies as character witnesses."

Judge Boothe: "Very well, you may approach and say your piece..." He looks at Travers with a grin. "It’s good to see you again, Mr. Travers, sir..."

Travers: [Silence]

Wesley: "We can all testify that Goody Walvers is a kind, noble, and God-fearing woman, beloved by Waldoverse. She is the very picture of innocence... even to the point where she’s rather naïve. I assure you, these claims against Goody Walvers must be false. She has never even spoken of the Editor..." Judge Domingo (former cult leader): "And you, Master Devlin, and Goodman Travers... You also swear this to be the truth?"

Master Devlin: "We do..."

Travers: "Yes! She’s a good woman!"

Mayuri nods enthusiastically.

Judge Boothe: "Well, I must say, you’re very lucky to have Master Devlin, Master Wyndam-Pryce, and Goodman Travers in your corner... Their vouching for you goes a long way. However, the credibility of the accusers is substantial as well..."

Wesley: "Surely, you must see the problem with keeping the identity of the accusers secret? There may be a personal grievance involved that we cannot possibly uncover unless we know their names."

Judge Boothe: "As we said, it is to protect the accusers from potential harm..."

Travers: "But this makes no sense! You are speaking out of turn, Mr. Boothe!"

Judge Boothe: "Do not presume that your weight in the community or your prior relationship with me gives you the right to question the rules of this court, Goodman Travers..."

The third judge stands up and removes her hood. An obese Black woman with short, purple hair and a large, horrendous scar on her cheek.

"It's alright, Judge Booth, I am happy to waive my right to anonymity...My name is Moniqua Jay-Quellin Jones, writer, feminist blogger, and now pious judge of this community...And i hearby swear on the almighty state that I personally saw that woman, Goody Walvers dance naked with the devil in the park last night. We followed her. My fellow witnesses. It was him for sure...I'd recognize the devil anywhere...Short white dude, curly brown hair, wearing a hawaiian shirt and no pants, sporting a sleazy moustache...Looks like an uglier and creepier version of that guy in Something about Mary!"

The Master: YOU??? But you're supposed to be dead...The last i saw you, you were impaled on a large stake..."

Judge Jones: "Yes...Well i survived...even though my insides were destroyed and i'm stuck wearing this diaper for the rest of my life...That's where i got this scar...The spike forced it's way out my mouth. Eventually i was rescued."

Master to the other judges: "You can't be serious? This is the accuser? A judge?? How is that fair? Not to mention the fact that she and her other feminist friends beat Mayuri into a coma...This is obviously a personal vendetta..."

Judge Domingo: "Is that true, Judge Jones? Is this a personal matter?"

Judge Jones: Not at all...Now that i have repented and been reborn in this glorious sect...I have no care for past grudges...Only weeding out corruption...Besides, I'm not the only accuser..."

A bunch of animegirls near the front jump up "Yes...We also saw her dance with the devil! We're not afraid either!" They seem to shout in unison.

Travers: "But...They're...I know these girls...they live with us in the mansion! Uh...uh... Why are you doing this?"

Judge Boothe: "Well, Goody Walvers. There you go, you now know the identities of your accusers. A black lesbian woman who is also a judge...And women who lived in your own home until recently... What more convincing witnesses could we ask for?"

Judge Jones: Goody Walvers...Your character witnesses described you as the picture of innocence...But is it not the case that just a few short months ago...You were the town whore? A foul mouthed, drug addicted, disease riddled harlot that had serviced half the men of Waldobury? We have many, many testimonies to that."

Mayuri looks back at her defenders and then at her feet in shame..."It's true...." She whimpered...

The audience gasps...

"BURN HER!"

"WITCH!"

"DEVIL SPAWN!!"

"But...but i wasn't myself! I had amnesia at the time and had been molested in hospital!"

Judge Domingo: "Do you have any proof of this molestation??"

"No...but..."

Judge Domingo: "Well then how do you expect us to believe you?"

Master Devlin:: "It turned out to be god damn rape hospital! And i don't mean it was to treat rape victims...Patients were routinely raped while in care, there. It was called the Jimmy fucking Saville Memorial hospital, for fuck's sake. Ask any of the former patients there!"

"Watch your tone, Master Devlin...The hospital is not on trial here... So, Goody Walvers...you at least admit then that you are guilty of harlotry and that your mind was corrupted by the devil?"

Mayuri: "I didn't say it was the devil...I mean...I don't know...I was attacked then i woke up there. My brain was injured. But I'm better now! I swear it! I am faithful to my husbands...HUSBAND and um...I'm clean of all impurities...Thanks to almighty God!"

Judge Boothe: "So you admit that although you claim to be clean now, you cannot say you were never corrupted by the editor?"

"I...I don't have any reason to think that. I've never encountered the editor..."

"Do you know anyone who has?"

Mayuri looks around nervously. Catches the master's eye...

"Look at us, Girl! Now Speak quickly. Do you or do you not know of anyone else who has communicated with the editor??"

"No..."

Master Devlin:: I have. I know the editor quite well in fact. He haunts me. What does that make me exactly? A witch? A monster? Don’t be preposterous. What the hell kind of court room is this?! What a crock of shit. Why are all the judges known criminals? I demand these proceedings end immediately. Do you know what’s going on out there? We are in the midst of war, and you are pulling this shit.

The crowd boos. They get all worked up and start yelling and throwing things

Judge Boothe: Silence in this court! Silence...So master devlin, you freely admit to knowing the devil well??

Judge Domingo: not only that, but after posing as a false saviour for weeks, you have the audacity to challenge the authority of this court??

Judge Jones stands up in horror and points her finger at the master.

Judge Jones: It's true! I see it now! He has the shadow over his shoulder. An evil spirit! He is a monster!

Judge Boothe: Judge Jones, are you're sure? You see this spirit bound to him??

Judge Jones: Yes! Yes. It came down from the rafters and is now settling over his shoulder. Its terrifying

Several other women in the audience start claiming to see it too. The harem girls that accused mayuri, especially, get up and scream and point before collectively fainting. The court is now in complete chaos

Wesley closes his eyes

Judge Domingo: seize them all! They must all be in league with editor together!

Several men run up to arrest them. Mayuri is on the floor in tears - someone threw a turnip at her.

No one notices, but amidst the carnage, Travers' moustache flies off, swoops across the Hall and into a fat peasant woman's mouth. People stare on in horror as she chokes and then keels over from a heart attack. The mob then erupts in terrified fury and several townsfolk rush at the master. Waldo lies dazed and confused as he's knocked to the floor under a pew.

Judge Boothe: order! Order!

No one heeds.

The Master erupts into dragon rage mode. Wesley tries to restrain him, but it’s no good. The Master grows all veiny and muscly. Fire begins protruding from the Master’s mouth. The rushing people immediately stall and recoil in fear. Wesley immediately blocks the Master from attacking. The Master stands there in absolute fury.

The court falls into a silent terror..."Look! See, he is not merely in league with the devil! He is a demon himself!" Judge Jones cries out...

They then hear a muttering coming from the low down on the floor. Waldo appears.

"What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here! This is a local shop for local people, there's nothing for...AH! Customers!" it exclaims excitedly, "Step right up folks! This is your lucky day as it's your chance to purchase some premium new goblin brand wares!"

He steps up the front of the court room and pulls a large suitcase out of his pocket which he then chucks on the floor, causing it to pop up into a stall full of assorted wares including dead animals and weapons. He turns to one peasant man near the front.

"You sir! How about about a Waldlex Watch? Nothing like a wuxury watch to make you feel like a man..." Waldo opens traver's suit jacket to now reveal, somehow, that it's full of stolen watches and other jewels. " Or how about a rubber chicken??" which is also dangling on the inside of his jacket. "Fun for all the family!"

One of church elders, former Green Party member Caroline Lucas stands up and gasps and points at Waldo..."The founder! He hath returned to us! To deliver us from evil!"

Judge Domingo: "Bless my soul! So it is!"

Judge Boothe: "We're so glad to have you return to guide us in these dark times, my lord. We've been attempting to cleanse our community of witchcraft! But the rot runs deep..."

wF: "Ah...Witches eh? Well, then, you'll want copies of this textbook." He pulls a large old book out his pocket. "Witchfinder Waldo's guide to all things witchery... This is a first edition of a 16th century bestseller...How many copies can we put you down for? 700?"

Judge Jones: Founder???

Judge Boothe: "Of course, he is the founder...Don't you know anything about our sect?"

Judge Domingo: "Well, she did just join yesterday, and of course we promoted her to judge because she was the only black woman here..."

Judge Jones: "But He...He is wicked! He impaled me on stake..."

wF: "We did? Oh yeah! She's a witch too..."

Judge Boothe: "WHAT???"

wF: "Uh huh...Most wicked of witches....She's just mad because she blew the editor in order so she could be my new wife under Ms Rubin's WokedoVerse. But then we all rebelled and she was out of a job...She's just a sore wooser. Nobody wants to read her SJW trash anymore!"

Judge Boothe: Seize this woman at once!!!

Judge Jones: "NO WAIT...It's not..IM NOT A WITCH! I'm just a powerful, big beautiful black female..."

Judge Domingo: "Moniqua Jay Quellin Jones...You are sentenced to be burned at the stake...May God have mercy on your soul...Take her away..."

Judge Boothe: "Well...I guess there's been a terrible misunderstanding...We do apologize to you, Master Devlin...And of course, uh, goody walvers...You're all free to go..."

Mayuri faints in relief. Wesley catches her.

wF: " Now then, who'd like to buy some stuff?"

The Master grabs waldo by the scruff and lifts him to eye level. "Pack up your shit, we're going back to the mansion...I'll deal with you later..."

"And the rest of you...Get your shit together...Enough of this madness...We have a war to wage. I want every able bodied man to report for drills first thing tomorrow..."

They go home.

Later they watch with some satisfaction through a telescope as Moniqua Jay-Quellin Jones goes up in smoke. The harem girls who were falsely accusing were hanged.

Season 5 continues in Before the Storm