Creative Differences

The following takes place following: Betty, Dumpy & Missy

Early the next morning, Devlin wakes in the master bedroom. He blinks against the light, scanning the room — clothes scattered across the floor, an empty wine bottle perched on the nightstand. Then he turns... and sees Misato, naked, lying beside him in bed.

Master Devlin: Oh shit... umm...

Editor: OBJECTION!!

Co-Editor: What?

Ed: This is outrageous... Of all the Master's crimes, this may be the worst.

Cody: Fine. The Master can continue to be lonely and sad. 😔

Ed: Thought that was his thing?

Cody: Yes, but this is out of character on purpose.

Ed: He could have had Drabak but he rejected her.

Cody: Turns out Drabak had a corkscrew bird penis.

Ed: Disgusting... As is this deeply disturbing turn of events.

Cody: I thought it would be funny if the Master was having a secret affair with the Captain. And what woman would want to be part of a harem by choice?

Ed: Waldo had dibs. Why would the Master betray his best friend?

Cody: Drunken shenanigans.

Ed: ...You could've invented a new female character. Shameful. Just shameful. First drugging him. Now stealing his women...

Cody: Waldo constantly betrays the Master. The Master introduced a new pupil and Waldo murdered him out of jealousy.

Ed: Yes, but that is expected. Besides... the Master isn't supposed to do sexy time... He's so... purple. And pointy-looking. It's gross! Also, Waldo has never actually done it with any of his wives...

Cody: The Master never liked being lonely and sad. Waldo just took up too much of his time. But fine then. Leave it...

Ed: It's too late. I already see the Master's balls!

Cody: Excuse me?

Ed: You heard. I have all these frightful mental images in my head now thanks to you going rogue like that.

Cody: The Captain has been ‘split in half’.

Ed: 😑

Cody: 😂😂

Ed: Also, I'm not writing for a character that's romantically involved with the Master... Just won't have it. Too far...

Cody: Who said they were romantically involved?

Ed: You know what I mean! But fine... The Master gets to keep his one-night stand, but the Editor is sending her back to the Evangelion universe. Also, to be clear: Mayuri, Ermintrude, and Revy are strictly off-limits for the Master. He can have Chantelle if he likes though.

Cody: I was just going to have them move on. Carry on as if nothing happened.

Ed: Oh? Just a pump and dump, eh? Shameful... Misato is a nice girl and you defiled her.

Cody: Nice girl? She was like a wildebeest. How do you think she became Captain?

Ed: Outrageous! Only Travers may corrupt the guests. The Master is supposed to be all noble and shit. Or at least pretend to be.

Cody: The Master has had a tough time, you leave him be.

Ed: Tough time? He went on holiday! Caused carnage in Grand Turk. Then ran off to the Baltic and allowed the Waldoverse to be plunged into darkness — all to avoid responsibility for his bad behaviour.

Cody: The Master gets penalised for having IBS. So he goes away.

Ed: Whatever... Let's just move on. Anyway...

[The Editor seizes full narrative control.]

The Master raped and killed Misato Katsuragi after getting drunk and "hung kunging" her too hard. She was literally split in two. With no memory of the night before, he woke to find her bisected body beside him. In a panic, he buried it behind a bush and chalked the whole thing up to some bad wine... Somebody else's fault. Couldn't be helped. Time to move on...

Cody: 😠

Editor: If anyone asks — a demon got in. A tragedy, for sure, but no reason to let such an unfortunate incident tarnish over a century of distinguished service, he told himself as he finished shovelling the dirt over the fresh grave.

Cody: I’d rather just forget it happened now.

Ed: Oh really? Yes, well so would I. But it's in the log. It happened, regrettably... Let's move on.

Cody: .....Fine. On with the show...

Later that day.

Waldo walks into the Master’s bedroom to find him putting on new bedsheets. The Master looks exhausted and confused — like he’s suffering from some kind of narrative whiplash.

wF: Ah, Masta! Soiled your new bed already, eh?

Master Devlin: What do you want, Widdle Frunkut?

wF: Have you seen Missy? It was her turn to give us a sponge bath today but no one's seen her. Not since last night. Also, you missed your own 8am war meeting. It's thirteen hundred hours now.

Master Devlin: Apologies. I’m feeling a bit weary. I believe Missy had to leave. Her planet needed her.

wF: Oh no... Anyway... You should know someone sprayed graffiti on your bedroom door.

The Master sighs and steps out into the hall.

It reads:

"Strictly NO Bestiality and other such degenerate shenanigans – Ed"

Master Devlin: Ed... He really needs his teeth removed again.

wF: Did you have a donkey show in here or something last night? 🤨

Master Devlin: No. No, nothing like that. Ed just likes to check in. He's a nuisance. How's Revy?

wF: Who? Beverly?

Master Devlin: Your fiancée. 🤨

wF: No, Beverly is the doctor one. We're not engaged. She's just an employee of sorts. I think.

Master Devlin: ...Right.

wF: Anyway, I think she's treating our fiancée, Rebecca, in the infirmary. You've met her, haven't you? Foul-mouthed China girl. Well, Chinese-American... Likes to shoot stuff.

Master Devlin: Yes. Is she well?

wF: Haven't the foggiest. Why are you so curious? You do realise that she's taken? We are to be wed.

Master Devlin: Of course... What about Goblin Slayer? Where is he?

wF: No idea. We never know where he is...

Master Devlin: Right, you’re dismissed. I’ll go find out myself.

The Master walks away, heading for the infirmary. Waldo follows him anyway.

Season 5 continues in Damage Control