Mayor Malfunction

The following takes place following: No Comment

An hour later. Both Travers and the Master are in the Widdlington town courthouse.

Bailiff: All rise! The Honourable Judge Marshall Stevens presiding.

Judge Stevens: Case 777... against Mr—Harris Travers??

The judge looks up to see a hungover, unshaven Travers slumped in the chair.

Judge Stevens: Well well... I was wondering when you might darken my courtroom again, Mr Travers. This should be interesting...

He looks down at the charge sheet.

Judge Stevens: Let’s see... Drunk and disorderly. Lewd behaviour. Breach of the peace. Urinating on a police vehicle. Resisting arrest... Well, Mr Mayor. What do you have to say for yourself this time?

Travers: Your honour, I’m deeply sorry for any trouble I may have caused, but the fact of the matter is—I have no recollection of any of that. The last thing I remember was sitting in my office, drinking heavily after getting some bad news. Things must’ve spiralled out of control from there. I hereby offer a plea of no contest, and humbly put myself at your mercy.

Judge Stevens: Mr Travers, you are the mayor of this town. You should be setting a good example. There’s no excuse for your out-of-control behaviour. You better start changing it. £5,000 fine. (bangs gavel) Case dismissed.

Travers: Five grand?? Are you kidding? Five grand?? I don’t have that kind of money!

Judge Stevens: That’s enough, Mr Travers. The ruling is final.

Master Devlin: Quiet, Travers. You got off easy... again.

Travers (whispering): Easy?? It should be £100 at most! What is this bullshit?

Master Devlin: He’s making an example of you. Especially since you’re mayor. At least you’re not going to jail. Also, I heard you spent £5,000 at the strip club last night.

Travers: Exactly! That’s why I don’t have it! Can’t you put in a good word? Do some lawyer stuff. Appeal!

Master Devlin (sighs) : I’ll go talk to him.

The Master goes up to the bench for a quiet word with the judge. Suddenly, Travers stands up, impatient.

Travers: Your Honour! Please—my wife is very sick in hospital. With the medical bills, we can’t possibly afford such an extreme fine!

Master Devlin: Quiet, Travers. I’m handling this.

The Master and Judge Stevens confer quietly.

Judge Stevens: Very well... Mr Travers—considering that you were out partying while your wife is in hospital, blowing money on dancers and drinks, I’m unwilling to accept that excuse. And this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to use your wife’s injury to get out of trouble. However... after speaking to Master Devlin, I’ve agreed to lower the fine to £2,000. This decision is final.

Travers: Two grand?? Blow it out your ass!

Travers suddenly slaps his hands over his mouth, shocked at his own outburst.

Judge Stevens: What did you say to me?

Travers: Nothing, Your Honour. Just an... incoherent outburst. Happens from time to time.

Judge Stevens: I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour in my courtroom.

Travers: Uh... I have a medical condition! I was recently diagnosed with Tourette’s...

Judge Stevens: Be that as it may, unless you want to find yourself in contempt, I suggest you apologise right now.

Travers: Oh yeah? Well I suggest you get the hell out of my town!

Judge Stevens: WHAT??

Travers: You heard, jerk off! Who the hell do you think you are anyway?? I’m the Ed-damn Mayor, motherfucker! What are you? Some jumped-up diversity hire! You don’t deserve that seat!

Judge Stevens: MR TRAVERS...

Travers: Your services are no longer required, Marshall, and I want to see you in your hat and coat in my office by the end of the day! No more activist judges! No more activist judges!

Travers starts chanting it over and over.

The confused judge looks at Master Devlin, who is just shaking his head.

Judge Stevens: Mr Travers, I’m increasing the fine to £8,000.

Travers: Suck my gherkin, asshole!

Judge Stevens: £10,000! Mr Travers, and I am holding you in contempt of court! Bailiffs—take him away!

The bailiffs move in, grab Travers who starts struggling like a cat, and carry him out of the courtroom.

****

Travers sits calmly in his cell. The Master storms in.

Master Devlin: WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK WAS THAT, TRAVERS?

Travers: I don’t rightly know, Master Devlin. I think I had... another episode.

Master Devlin: Episode? What episodes??

Travers: I dunno... they’ve been happening more and more in the last month. Since I started sessions with Dr Shawn... It’s hard to explain... but sometimes I feel this sudden madness come over me—more than usual. I know I can be a little eccentric, but this is something else. A kind of mania. Like I’m not myself.

Master Devlin: Hmm....

Travers: I hear my voice, but the ideas—they’re not mine. It’s like someone or something is trying to get out... takes control for a bit. But not fully.

Travers sighs.

Travers: Sometimes I think I’ve lost my Ed damn mind...I know I have no right to ask, but... can you help me?

Master Devlin: Um... well, I suppose. Though I’m not sure how...

Travers: Wait a minute... I just remembered! Last month I used my mayoral powers to install an EMH in every government building! Guard! I'm not feeling well. Please activate the Emergency Medical Hologram!

The guard presses a button. A glowing holographic doctor appears.

EMH: Please state the nature of your medical emergency.

Travers: My brain is sick, Doc. I think I’m losing my mind.

EMH: I’m not sure what you expect me to do. I’m a medical doctor, not a psychiatrist...

Travers: Well, I also have a headache. And I feel... unsettled. If that helps.

EMH: Very well. Let’s take a look.

The EMH pulls out a medical tricorder and scans Travers’s head.

EMH: Hmm. There appear to be irregularities affecting the synaptic pathways of your positronic neural net...

Travers: That doesn’t sound good. Can you fix it?

EMH: I’m a doctor, not a cybernetic engineer.

The EMH turns to the Master

EMH: Have you tried turning it off and on again? The operating system may need a reset...

The Master is about to reply when the EMH freezes.

EMH: Oh my...

Master Devlin: What is it?

EMH: I’m detecting signs of a major cascade failure in his memory banks...

The Master raises an eyebrow, suddenly tense.

Master Devlin: What does that mean?

EMH: He’s dying...

Close in on the Master’s troubled face...

Master Devlin: Oh dear...

Cue dramatic Star Trek score.

Cut to opening credits of “THE WALDOVERSE”

Season 7 continues in Split Decision