Jaywalking
The following takes place following: A Friendly Visit
The Waldopolis Chronicle — Sep 12, 2024, 14:05
Travers sits at his desk, feet up, smoking his cigar as he recounts his many conquests. Master Devlin sits nearby, reviewing a particularly dull report with a sigh.
Suddenly, there's a knock at the door, and without waiting for a response, Ermintrude enters, followed by two men in suits, wearing stern expressions. The room goes still.
Ermintrude: “Excuse me, Mr. Travers, these men are detectives with the Widdlington PD.”
Travers' cigar falls out of his mouth.
Master Devlin: “Oh dear... What have you done now, Travers?”
To everyone’s surprise, the detectives approach the Master instead.
Detective #1: “Master Devlin?”
Master Devlin: “Yes?”
Detective #1: “I'm Detective Inspector Donnelly, this is Detective Constable Skelton. We’re here to speak to you about an incident that occurred in Waldminster on the 28th of August, 2024.”
Master Devlin: “Incident? What incident??”
DC Skelton: “Jaywalking...”
Master Devlin: “Jaywalking? In Waldminster? That's ridiculous! There’s virtually no traffic in Widdlington! You must be joking?”
The detectives remain deadpan.
DI Donnelly: “I can assure you it's no joke, sir. And it doesn’t matter. Law’s the law.”
Devlin’s eyes narrow in disbelief. Travers’ eyes light up, and he hops out of his chair, puffing his chest up with importance.
Travers: “Don’t say another word, Master Devlin. I’ll handle this... As Master Devlin's attorney, anything you wish to say to him will go through me.”
Master Devlin: (shaking his head) “He’s not my lawyer...”
Travers: (ignoring him) “Officers, my client is a pillar of the community. Surely we can look the other way on this minor infraction?”
DI Donnelly: “Sir, jaywalking may be a minor offense, but it’s still an offense. The new Justice Party government has cracked down on letting things slide. We can't be seen giving your client special treatment.”
Master Devlin: “Again, not my lawyer! I have a team of lawyers, he’s not one of them.”
Devlin, now fed up, pulls out his Masters Council badge from his coat.
Master Devlin: “Look, detectives... Let’s be reasonable. I'm on official business at all times in this town. Can’t you show a little professional courtesy?”
DI Donnelly: “Sorry, sir, but we're under strict orders not to make special exemptions—especially for the Council. I believe we have the Reform Party to thank for that.”
Travers: “Officers, my client is no mere Master... He is THE Master! This dragon-man transcends mere sidewalks. I should know—I trained him myself. As his legal representative, I must insist you reconsider! Think of the precedent! If this goes to court, the entire city will—”
Master Devlin: “Shut up, Travers... I'll just pay the damn fine...”
Travers: “Don’t be absurd! Disregard that last remark, officers. My client is speaking out of turn... Clearly, this is a witch hunt! They’re targeting Master Devlin to weaken the Council—and this newspaper! Pure political maneuvering!”
Master Devlin: “More likely it's Ed... It’s always Ed, tormenting me again…”
DI Donnelly: “Sir, your religious beliefs are protected under Waldonian law, but they cannot be used as a defense. Again, we don’t do two-tier policing here—this isn’t the UK. Well, not anymore, at least…”
Master Devlin: (snorting) “Religious…”
Travers: “I’ve heard enough of this! I demand that you either charge my client or let him go immediately!”
The detectives exchange confused glances.
DC Skelton: “Sir, your client is not under arrest at this time...”
Master Devlin: “I'M NOT HIS CLIENT! HE'S NOT MY LAWYER, GOD DAMN IT!”
DI Donnelly: “Sir, calm down, or we’ll have to arrest you for disturbing the peace.”
Master Devlin: (turning bright red) “This is a private offic—Never mind... How much will it be? £50??”
He angrily pulls his wallet out and begins to put notes on the table.
Travers: “Whoa, whoa... Officers, you must excuse my client, he didn’t mean to bribe out of turn...”
DC Skelton: (surprised) “Bribe? Are you attempting to bribe us, sir?”
Master Devlin: “WHAT?? NO... IT'S NOT A BRIBE... I’m trying to pay the f—”
Travers: “Please, officers, it was a momentary lapse in judgment from an already troubled mind... Can’t we just move past this little incident?”
DI Donnelly: “I’m afraid not, Mr. Travers. Bribery is an extremely serious offense—especially with all the scrutiny on us at the moment. I’m afraid we’ll now have to arrest your client...”
DC Skelton: “Master Devlin, I’m arresting you for attempted bribery, jaywalking, disturbing the peace…”
Master Devlin: (boiling over with rage) “FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU—”
DI Donnelly: “Better add shouting and swearing at police officers to the list of charges.”
Travers: “Don’t worry, Master Devlin. I’ll have you out in no time...”
Devlin, now in a silent, simmering rage, is handcuffed and led away, with Travers trailing behind, offering unwanted legal advice.
****
Travers: “Master Devlin, I told you not to speak. You've already got yourself in enough trouble… Now sit quietly and let Mr Travers handle these goons. Oh, and you may go, Counselman. Thank you for the offer, but your services are not required. Master Devlin is facing serious charges. He needs a real lawyer, not some public defender on the taxpayer's dime.”
Master Harold: “Master Devlin, I strongly recommend letting me represent you alone. Why is this goblin here?”
Master Devlin: “I couldn’t agree more. This here is Harris Travers — my pupil and a self-declared lawyer. Good luck trying to make him leave, though; he won’t allow it.”
Master Harold: “He looks familiar.”
Master Devlin: “Yes, he was once the unelected mayor of Widdlington and the illegitimate Emperor of Waldonia — for a time.”
Master Harold: “Ah, yes, quite. The, uh… tiny tyrant. Well, if Mr Travers can at least stop acting as if you’re guilty of some crime, perhaps we can deal with this quickly.”
Travers: “No, Counselman, you are speaking out of turn and, quite frankly, out of your depth. This goblin, Harris Travers, is not only a national treasure and star of the Waldoverse, but also spiritual, moral and — most importantly in this precise moment — legal counsel to Master Devlin. My best friend. The only thing he’s guilty of is speaking out of turn. He just gets a bit worked up from time to time. All that pent-up dragon rage. By the way, have you taken your Dratonin, Master Devlin?”
The Master ignores Travers as the two detectives from earlier enter the room.
DI Donnelly: “Good evening, gentlemen. Master Devlin, I trust you’ve had adequate time to consult with your… solicitors?”
The Master nods begrudgingly.
DI Donnelly: “Very good.” (clicks a button on the tape recorder) “This interview is now being recorded. The time is 14:36 on the 12th of September, 2024. We are in Interview Room 2 at Wallywood Station. Present are Detective Inspector Donnelly and Detective Constable Skelton. For the record, could everyone present please state their name and role?”
Master Harold: “James Harold, solicitor with the Masters Council, representing my client, Master Devlin.”
Travers: “Harris Travers, National Treasure! Lawyer man and lead counsel to Master Devlin.”
Master Devlin: “Master Steven Devlin. Principal member of the Masters Council. Alleged jaywalker…”
Master Harold: “My client strenuously denies all allegations. Before we proceed, I’d like to review the evidence supporting these charges.”
DI Donnelly: “Of course, Mr Harold. For the benefit of the tape, DC Skelton is now producing printouts of timestamped surveillance footage from Waldminster on the day in question. It clearly shows your client walking across a restricted section of road — no pedestrian crossing. That’s your jaywalking charge.”
DC Skelton opens a folder and presents a printout of CCTV footage showing the Master crossing a quiet street.
DI Donnelly: “This screenshot, timestamped 13:37 on August 28th, 2024, shows the Master illegally crossing Waldhall Road, Waldminster. Pretty cut and dry, don’t you think?”
DC Skelton: “As for the bribery charge, we have sworn statements from myself and Detective Inspector Donnelly detailing how Master Devlin offered to pay us both directly — in cash. This account was corroborated by Mr Travers, who was present at the time.”
Travers nods solemnly, then shakes his head in quiet disapproval.
DC Skelton: “For the purposes of the tape, let it be noted that Harris Travers, legal counsel to Master Devlin, has acknowledged the accuracy of this account.”
Master Harold: “Wait a minute, for the purposes of the recording, I’d like to clarify that Mr Travers both nodded and subsequently shook his head. His response cannot be reasonably interpreted as a clear affirmation. I would also note that Mr Travers is not formally retained by my client, nor recognised by the Masters Council. His presence is… unofficial.”
Travers: “Objection! Out of turn!”
DI Donnelly: “This isn’t a courtroom, Mr Travers. Back to the matter at hand — we’ve got multiple witness statements, including one from a shop owner across from the Waldopolis Chronicle, reporting loud, disruptive behaviour from your client. That led to a public disturbance call.”
Master Devlin: “What shop owner? Who—”
Travers: “Noooo, Master Devlin, I told you not to speak. You’re only making things worse for yourself. Look, Detectives, let’s cut to the chase. It’s true — all of it. And for the record, my client is terribly sorry for his crimes. He’s been under a lot of pressure lately, but he won’t do it again. Will you? Will you? Well, come on, man! Tell the detectives you’re sorry. Oh, right. You may speak now.”
Master Devlin: “…..”
DI Donnelly: “An admission of guilt and an apology would certainly go a long way, boyo. We could put a good word in with the judge.”
Master Harold: “I’d like to return to this allegation of bribery—”
Travers: “Counselman, you’re out of your depth and speaking out of turn! You’re only making things worse for our client! The fact of the matter is, they’ve got him dead to rights on the bribery charge. I should know, I was there! I saw it all… Our only chance is for a plea deal!”
DI Donnelly: “Ah, so even you — Master Devlin’s lawyer — admit that he attempted to bribe us?”
Travers: “Well… yeah… of course! But that’s not the issue—”
DI Donnelly: “Would you be willing to sign a sworn affidavit to that effect?”
Travers: “You’re damn right I would, if it means we can get past this nonsense and to the real issue at hand!”
DC Skelton: “And what is the real issue at hand?”
Travers: “Jaywalking!”
Both Harold and Master Devlin look at Travers in disbelief.
Travers: “The fact of the matter is, this whole Ed-damn thing is a conspiracy. A frame job. My client is being set up!”
DI Donnelly: “Set up by whom?”
Travers: “Well personally, I’d be looking at the government. Perhaps a certain James McDonald — Director of Communications…”
DC Skelton: “Why would the government frame Master Devlin for jaywalking?”
Travers: “£30 million gone missing, that’s why!”
The detectives exchange confused looks. DI Donnelly scratches his head. Mr Harold, after glaring at Travers, returns to the matter at hand.
Master Harold: “I believe we can all agree that Mr Travers’s recent remarks are, in the main, utter nonsense.”
Travers: “Now just a minute. Who the hell do you think you are? Out of turn!”
Master Devlin: “Shut up, Travers!”
The Master grabs Travers by the scruff and literally zips his mouth shut.
Master Harold: “However, he has inadvertently raised a pertinent point regarding the alleged offence of ‘jaywalking.’ There exists, to my knowledge, no statute in this jurisdiction criminalising such conduct. If this is indeed a newly instituted offence, it has not been adequately publicised nor incorporated into the standard legal framework.”
Master Harold gestures to the CCTV screenshot.
Master Harold: “I would venture that the same footage likely captures numerous other individuals crossing that road in a similar manner on the same day. Are you proposing to pursue charges against all of them?”
DC Skelton: “Master Devlin, are you saying you didn’t cross the road illegally on the day in question?”
Master Harold whispers in Devlin’s ear.
Master Devlin: “No comment.”
Master Harold: “Master Devlin was engaged in official duties that day — duties in service of the public good. As I’ve already stated, there is no legal basis for a jaywalking charge, and you’ve yet to cite any statutory authority to the contrary. What concerns me more is the apparent intent behind gathering surveillance footage of my client. Why were police resources directed toward monitoring him specifically? That, detectives, is… curious.”
“As for the bribery allegation, what you’ve described is not a criminal act but a misunderstanding — inflated by Mr Travers’ theatrics. My client comes from a generation where minor infractions were often resolved informally. He was unaware that such practices are no longer acceptable. To suggest this was a deliberate attempt to subvert justice is, frankly, a stretch.”
“Your witness statements are further undermined by the conduct of this investigation. If you intend to proceed, I remind you that the burden of proof lies with the Crown — and what you’ve presented thus far falls short.”
The detectives listen quietly as Travers sits in the corner, struggling with the zipper sealing his mouth.
Master Harold: “Regarding the alleged disturbance, you’ve offered no formal complaints. The incident occurred in a private commercial setting, during office hours, and away from any residential area. I struggle to see how this constitutes a public disturbance.”
“In light of all this, a formal apology for any inadvertent breach of protocol would be proportionate. If you choose to pursue charges, I urge you to consider whether such action truly serves the public interest — especially given the manner in which this case has been handled.”
Travers finally manages to unzip his mouth.
Travers: “Objection! Speculative and argumentative! Not to mention relevance…”
DI Donnelly: “Once again, this isn’t a courtroom, Mr Travers.”
Travers: “…Sustained. Speaking of which, what the hell kind of interrogation room is this? Where’s the magic mirror? Why is there a window? And what’s with this huge table? It looks like a boardroom…”
DC Skelton: “It’s a briefing room. All our interrogation rooms are full at the moment.”
DI Donnelly: “Yes, we’re dealing with a high volume of suspects right now. Back to the issue at hand. For the tape, I’m now producing further printed screenshots from the same footage on Waldhall Road. As can also be seen in these screenshots, moments after Master Devlin crossed the road, a bus and rickshaw collided — resulting in approximately £700 worth of damage and a nasty bump on the head.”
DC Skelton: “You were saying something about no traffic? We can play the tape if you insist.”
DI Donnelly: “I’m afraid a simple apology and pleading ignorance just won’t cut it, boyo.”
Master Harold: “Now wait just a minute—”
Travers: “Oh dear… I’d like a moment alone to confer with my client and… co-counsel 😒… please.”
DI Donnelly: “Certainly. Interview paused at 21:33.” The detectives leave the room.
Travers: “Master Devlin, there’s no need to panic, but this just got a lot more serious. If I’m going to fight this, I can’t have this clown butting in all the time! He has to go!”
Master Devlin: “What the hell is the matter with you, Travers? You’ve made a right tit of this. You’re making things worse, and I need you to restrain yourself. You talk when you should listen. Master Harold has this under control. Don’t you ever let those detectives know what you’re thinking again. (sighs) What do you think, James?”
Master Harold: “Well, these two men don’t behave like normal detectives.”
Master Devlin: “I agree…”
Harold picks up one of the screenshots.
Master Harold: “This attempt to link you to the accident is preposterous. There’s clearly a gap of several minutes between you crossing the road and the collision, according to these timestamps. And if they were serious, the charge would have been reckless endangerment by associated jaywalking. Do you recall causing a rickshaw incident, Master Devlin?”
Master Devlin: “No, I do not — although I know someone who has.” The Master scowls at Travers.
Travers: “Diminished responsibility. Travers spent weeks under psychiatric care shortly after that incident.”
Master Harold: “One thing I do agree with Mr Travers on — this isn’t an ordinary interrogation room…”
Master Devlin: “I’m starting to doubt this is even a police station.”
Travers: “Yeah! Come to think of it, I don’t think this is even Wallywood. Look out the window — I’m pretty sure that’s Little Akiba over there. This must be Volkov… Hey, Harry, how did you get here anyway? Master Devlin and I arrived together.”
Master Harold: “Well, I… um… I’m not sure, come to think of it.”
Travers: “Well, I’d say it was Ed… but you — you’re not really his style…” Travers opens the door. He finds an open-plan, empty office.
Travers: “Uh… hello?”
Devlin and Harold cautiously follow. They slowly make their way through the office — no sign of anyone, or even of anyone having been there recently.
Master Harold: “How very curious… Well, Steven, I think this means you’re off the hook. In fact, this may have been some kind of twisted prank.”
Master Devlin: “Right, well then I suggest we just leave. I’ve had enough of this.”
Travers: “But they haven’t given us permission, Master Devlin! We can’t just leave out of turn…”
Master Devlin: “Sure I can. James?”
Master Harold: “Well, they haven’t charged you with anything, and it’s looking increasingly likely they were imposters.”
Master Devlin: “Exactly. Let’s go.”
The Waldoverse continues in Section 37