Stanbot Who?

The Case of Stanbot: Episode 7

The following takes place immediately following: Missed Trial, by Fire

The Master walks back to his quarters at the Council grounds, eager to get some rest after such an eventful evening. He opens the door to his room to find Widdle Frunkut and Frakes playing Connect Four.

Frakes: Connect Four! Ha! I win again…

In a rage, Waldo smacks the gameboard off the table.

wF: This game is stupid! 😡 If it were Connect 7, it'd be different. Waldo has mad skills… Oh, hey, Masta! Where have you been? We had an exciting evening. We saw a bear on campus! Black bear! How about you?

MD: Well, I also had a…

wF: Oh, and before we forget—nevermind about that private eye business. Wiffuhuh shouldn’t get so paranoid and jealous… Mayushii would never cheat on us—not even with a national treasure like Travers… No matter what temporary difficulties we may be having… Anyway… you were saying?

MD: As I was saying, I also had an eventful evening… Firstly, your wife, Sayuki Sing Kang, and Skunk V are still alive. They faked their own deaths. They tried to kill your Master this evening.

wF: Oh dear…

MD: Secondly, they are also after Stanbot. But they are not responsible for his kidnapping. Or whatever you want to call it.

wF: I see.

MD: Thirdly, it turns out that, due to this new wave of highly unorthodox legal proceedings, Harris Travers has been blackmailing people by getting them into trouble with the law. As a result, he makes them work for him for free in exchange for his own brand of legal services.

wF: Frakes, can you confirm any of this?

Frakes, sitting in the corner, intently studies the contents of an issue of Playpen. He doesn’t even bother to look up as he replies:

Frakes: I’m off the clock…

wF: I see… Well then, anything else? The Master hesitates, then sighs.

MD: I’m afraid so. And this one will be the most difficult to hear…

wF: Come now, Masta… We can’t imagine it’s any more disturbing than the rest… Without a word, the Master pulls out the Travers & Mayuri photo album and places it in front of Waldo.

MD: Travers and Mayuri appear to be in love. She’s also, uh… turned into a bit of a nymphomaniac. They’re engaged. She’s asked me to give her away at the wedding. I’ve accepted.

wF: …

MD: I’m sorry, Widdle Frunkut.

wF: NO. THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE. WE DON’T BELIEVE IT!

With a wild motion, Waldo casts the album into the fireplace.

wF: Fakery! It’s false! Tell him, Frakes! Frakes, too absorbed in the centrefold, doesn’t respond.

wF: What do you mean, "nymphomaniac," precious? How do you know all this??

MD: They took me to their home. She was… naked, and she began performing a sex act on Travers, so I left.

wF: 😳😓

MD: I saw the look on Travers' face… His moustache… wiggled.

Waldo clenches his fists. His expression shifts from shock to fury. He begins to shake violently in rage.

wF: 😑 WHERE ARE THEY?? You must take me there! NOW! 😠

MD: I… I can’t do that.

wF: Why not??

MD: Look in your pockets.

Waldo frowns but humors him. He rummages through his pockets and pulls out a catalytic converter.

wF: This?

MD: No.

Waldo continues searching and pulls out a theodolite.

wF: This?

MD (sighs): No… Try your other pocket.

wF: Hmm.

Waldo reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of fake moustaches.

wF: These?

MD: Yes, those…

wF: Hmm. Where did these come from?

MD: I’ll show you. Just a moment, please.

The Master sets up a camcorder and begins to record.

MD: Now, please state your name for the camera…

wF: Wiffuhuh, of course! Basil Waldo Widdlington J. Frunkut Fortesque. Or some combination of those…

MD: Let’s just go with Waldo, shall we?

wF: Very well.

MD: Good. Now stand still and keep looking into the camera.

The Master then takes one of the fake moustaches and places it over Waldo’s upper lip.

Immediately, Waldo’s entire posture changes. His expression firms. His voice shifts.

Travers: Oh… Hello, Master Devlin! It is me, Mr. Travers, national treasure! I was just looking for you! I noticed you slipped away from our little party last night, and I think that you—

The Master rips the moustache off.

wF: Oh hey, Masta. Where did you go? Oh yeah, where is Mayuri!!?

The Master plays back the recording on the television, showing Waldo’s transformation.

Waldo studies the footage carefully, his brow furrowing into a deep, confused frown.

MD: You see, Widdle Frunkut… You are Harris Travers.

A long pause.

wF: Wait a minute… So you’re telling me… That Harris Travers…

The Master slowly nods.

wF: …Was just here in this room a moment ago?? AND YOU LET HIM LEAVE??

The Master facepalms.

MD: No… Waldo. You ARE Harris Travers. The moustaches triggers a split personality, and you become this other person.

Waldo stares at him for a long moment. Then sighs.

wF: This is a complete waste of time. You people have no idea what you’re talking about…

MD: That was YOU on the video, Waldo! Turning into Travers! It was clear as day! What’s the matter with you??

wF: Sure, Stan. Whatever you say… I must say, you’ve really lost your goddamn mind! Isn’t that right, Frakes? He’s completely loopy!

Frakes had fallen asleep in his chair, a centrefold draped over his face, while a frustrated Master shot steam from his nostrils.

And so, despite his best efforts, the Master failed to convince Waldo that he and Travers were, in fact, the same person. Later that day, he dragged Waldo to see Mayuri at Travers' office, where she confirmed her plans to marry Travers and attempted to let Waldo down gently. Disappointed but surprisingly composed, Waldo begrudgingly accepted the situation and promptly embarked on a drunken bender. However, none of these scenes are worth the effort to transcribe. The Editor is a busy man...

Anyway, the Master had a wedding to attend, and before long, the whole sinister, Kafkaesque legal system arc was quietly discarded, and the missing Stanbot 2.0 was quickly forgotten about.

Such is life in the Waldoverse.

The story continues in The Wedding