Waldo's Wives

Following the climactic season finale at McMurdo Station—where meddling the "producers" were violently purged and Waldonia was recovering from the mysterious plague that wiped out the Australopithecus—the Waldoverse was finally returning to some semblance of normality. The Masters Council HQ had been rebuilt, and Waldo was once again both Master Devlin's pupil and the janitor, while his wife, Mayuri, had been given a job as a lunch lady in the Council cafeteria.

The season opens with a flashback: Master Devlin presents the couple with a pristine, fully furnished cottage, nestled in the shade of towering trees just off the main path of the Masters Council grounds. Mayuri is overjoyed as the Master leads them through their new home. As Waldo strolls around, the freshly painted walls shift colour in his wake. The Master firmly forbids him from making any of his infamous "home improvements."

Overall, a sense of contentment had returned to campus—except for the incident where Waldo rerouted the foul water pipe into the cafeteria, which earned him a harsh punishment.

Our story begins a week later, we find Waldo and Mayuri, having settled into their cozy new residence, enjoying their breakfast of chicken tenders while listening to the tanoid as Master Ron wraps up his weekly announcements.

Chapter 1

Master Ron (over the tanoid): Furthermore, I’d just like to say that Mr. Waldo and his lovely wife have been a most pleasant new addition to this institution…

Suddenly, another voice cuts in.

Master Don: "That’s right, we have the best staff here, folks. All these wonderful staff. Best staff in the world. We have the best… Goblins and Japanese too—all here in this beautiful new building that I built. It’s gonna be great folks—believe me. Best goblins, best girls. Best Masters! No apes and no fake news here…"

Master Ron: "Yes, thank you, Master Donnie. That will be all..."

Mayuri glances over at Master Devlin, who has been frozen in place for some time, serving as a statue in their living room.

Mayuri (concerned): "I worry about Senpai Stan. Isn’t it time he saw someone about these… fugue states?"

wF: He's fine. We may just have to get used to it.

Mayuri: But it's been seven months since they started. I've time travelled lots of times and it's never happened to me. His chicken tenders are cold...

wF: Fear not, wife, Waldo shall see they not go to waste.

Mayuri: You've had seven already! Don't be greedy, goberin san. Besides, you haven't eaten your fish yet...

wF: Hrmph...

Mayuri approaches the Master and attempts to feed him, reaching up with a chicken tender.

Mayuri: Oh, look senpai, here comes the chicken tender express! Choo choo. Heading for the tunnel...Tu tu tu ru!"

wF: You're just mashing them into his teeth. Such wastage!

Mayuri: I thought it might've worked...😔

Soon, they notice the master starts to stir.

wF: Ah, see. There. He's back!

Master Devlin: What I...Oh, it happened again, didn't it? I do apologise. Where were we?

wF: The Waldo residence....Breakfast time! You've been here all night. You came over dinner last night...

Master Devlin: I did?

wF: Yes. Fugued out upon arrival.

Mayuri: Can't you see a scientist man? Try and fix the problem?

Master Devlin: There will be a bunch of issues...Your husband's poisonings for example...Anyway I brought you a house warming gift...

wF: Wow? No foolin'?? What is it?

Master Devlin: Here. Open it and find out.

The Master hands a box to Mayuri who begins to unwrap enthusiastically.

wF: It's not her grandmother in the box, is it??

Master Devlin: What? No! Why would I have that?

Mayuri's face lights up as she opens the present.

Mayuri: Wow! A lightsaber! And knives! Thank you so much, Senpai!

Master Devlin: You're welcome.

wF: Yeah, thanks, Masta! This is... unexpected. We just assumed it would be something awful—a jar of farts or Gail or something. But these are cool!

Master Devlin: "Why would you think such a thing, Widdle Frunkut?

wF: Well...We had a nightmare last night. Sing Kang showed up to visit, and of course, being her grandmother, the wife let the old toad stay...

Suddenly there's a knock at the door.

Master Devlin: Oh? I wonder who that could be. Are you expecting visitors?

wF: No! We didn't hear anything...

The Master starts to open the door.

wF: No! Stop! Don't open that door! It's cold. Er... Mayuri, my dear, would you get something from the loft, please?

With a hint of a mischievous grin, the Master ignores Waldo and opens the door wide. In the rising sun, a stocky silhouette emerges—a small, aged Japanese woman dressed fully in black, wearing a beret and sunglasses. A piercing shakuhachi note fills the room as she steps inside, holding several briefcases.

wF: Oh dear...

Mayuri: Baba! What a wonderful surprise!

Waldo immediately feels sick. An ill wind has blown in through the open door—and not from the Master’s butt, for a change.

Sayuki: Mayuri-chan, obāsan o dakishimete agete kudasai.

Mayuri rushes over to hug her grandmother - who happens to also be Waldo's first wife.

Sayuki glances at Waldo with a foul look.

Mayuri: Come, Goberin-san! Say hello to your grandmum.

Waldo looks horribly depressed.

Sayuki: Grandmother? Ex-wife? Who knows?!

wF: Not ex enough!

Waldo scowls at the Master.

wF: This was your doing. I know it. You are horrid!

Master Devlin: Widdle Frunkut, I assure you, this is not my doing. We’ve settled our differences...

wF: It’s not fair! When things don’t go your way, we get a huge epic revolt, but when Waldo’s miserable... What are you doing here, you old trout?! Don’t you have some psychotic skunkbreed to shack up with?

Sayuki: Oh, how rude of me. Otto!!

Skunk V appears in the doorway.

wF: Masta, we have intruders. They don't have a permit... Kill them immediately!

Sayuki: We've come to see my granddaughter and to find out why she hasn’t provided me with great-grandchildren yet. Now I discover she’s married to my ex-husband. Such dishonouru...

Skunk V makes a loud grunt, slime pouring from his mouth which proceeds to burn a hole through the floor.

Master Devlin: Good Lord.

wF: GET OUT!

Mayuri: Baba, Goberin-san and I have only been married a year.

Sayuki: Never too early to start, child.

Mayuri: Well... the thing is... Goberin-san and I haven’t actually... consummated yet.

wF: 😟

The Master stifles a laugh.

wF: What are you laughing at, flatfoot?! She’s too young. Only 27. What do you think I am?? 😠

Master Devlin: "I do apologise."

Sayuki: Hmph. No consumation? Then technically not married under eyes of Great Buddha. Not to mention that we never divorced...

wF: FINE! I’ll sign the papers right now if you’ve got them. Without hesitation!

Sayuki: Why would I do that?

The Master munches popcorn.

wF: Now see here! We just wanted someone to cook and clean. She wanted a green card; she gets a green goblin as a bonus. Win-win! Nobody said nothing about making sprogs—especially Jap-gob hybrid sprogs!

There's another knock at the door.

wF: Masta, if you please. Perhaps this will be better news.

Master Devlin: Oh yes, of course.

This time a small Penguin waddles in like she owns the place.

Master Devlin: Tess?

Tess: Ah, Devlin! Good. Fetch my luggage will you.

The Master steps back, avoiding the hole in the floor from the Skunk drool.

Master Devlin: What are you doing here?

Tess: Well it turns out that things aren't really fixed in the future.

Master Devlin: Nevermind that...

Tess: It's still weird and rotten. I'm no longer a Kaiserin. So i came back here. To my husband.

Master Devlin: Yes, yes, fine...

Tess, taking off her designer mits, stops in front of the two Japanese women.

Tess: Ah, the trollop. So you're still here, eh?...And what is this old crone?

Sayuki: Waldo san's wife...

Waldo curls into a small rubber ball.

Sayuki: ...And you are?

Tess: I'M HIS WIFE!

A strange voice can be heard from across the room. "Ooh, trainwreck!"

Master turns around

Very Special Agent, Anthony DiNozzo, is outside looking in through the open window.

Master Devlin: What the hell is he doing here?

Tony: Ahem, sorry... Federal agent business...Carry on.

Master Devlin: There's no naval matters here.

DiNozzo leaves.

Tess: Who the hell was that??

Master Devlin: NCIS

Tess: What?

Master Devlin: Nevermind...

Tess and Sing kang start squawking at each other, arguing over who is entitled to what. The Waldo ball melts into a puddle while Skunk V collapses out of boredom.

Sayuki: From Future?? Then technically you aren't legally married...

Tess: I've never even heard of you, you wizened old toad. Who the hell are you to tell me i'm not legally married?? Frankly, I find it hard to believe my husband would want anything to do with you...He's very shallow...And you're so...UGLY! Have you ever even looked in the mirror?? Of course not. I'm sure they all break on sight...You're a pit of despair! Utterly Repulsive...You disgust me...You disgust everyone in this room and you will never lay claim to MY HUSBAND!

Mayuri: Well, I'm going to make up guest bedroom for Grandma. Will you be staying with us too, Ms Hildendorf?

Tess: Yes, yes dear. Of course i intend to stay. In exchange. I will cook you a feast. I almost forgot. I brought a carp! Devlin, get the fish will you? It's on the porch.

The Master reluctantly fetches a container full of water with a large, live carp inside.

Mayuri: Oh my! That's a big fish!

Tess: Where's you bathtub? It must have room to swim.

Mayuri: This way. I'll show you...

Mayuri leads them upstairs to the bathroom. Meanwhile Waldo silently slides into the hole burned throught the floor.

As they return, Tess continues calling the shots.

Tess: Good. Now that the carp is settled, empty out the freezer, will you. I shall be sleeping in there.

Mayuri: But my chicken tenders...

Tess: Chop chop, dear. You don't need that peasant food. That fish up there will do us a week.

Mayuri: Oh...Okay...

Sayuki: Hildendorf-san!

Tess: What??

Sayuki: I am Sayuki Waldo. Widdle Frunkut's first and only wife. Under Waldonian law, individuals who are married may only remarry if both parties are legally divorced. Any other marriages are void. I am Widdle Frunkut's first wife, and we have never divorced.

The Master pulls out a copy of the Waldonian Law charter and takes a look.

The Master speaks into the hole Waldo is hiding in.

Master Devlin: Umm Waldo, she is actually right.

A loud, long groan can be heard from the hole.

Tess: And as we have previously established, Waldo and I marry in your distant future, where I am from. And this old bag is surely dead. It has already happened for me and Waldo...He may feign ignorance but rest assured he remembers being the kaiser for 500 years. As do you, Devlin. The fact that you both ran away to the past to start a new timeline doesn't nullify our marriage! I brought a copy of Waldoverse Law with me too. It's from this timeline before you ask. As you can see here on page 7477, it clearly states that you cannot nullify a marriage by means of time travel...And I'm not leaving without my alimony. If anyone's marriage is invalid then, its the girl's. I'm sorry Mayuri-chan, But I'm afraid you're not Waldo's wife, not as long as old granny exists.

Mayuri: We're not really married..?

Master Devlin: Normally I wouldn't get involved in such things but I must comment on your claims Tess. I've had too many birds throwing their weight around lately, both figuratively and literally speaking... Frankly, you're quite fat... But anyway, your timelines are irrelevant as the Waldoverse base timeline is this one which is the present...

...Y'see, myself and Waldo were in a band in the 1960s. Quite a successful band. We were at the peak of the bands success until Waldo announced he was getting married to Sayuki. I felt this was very sudden and i didn't even know the woman , but anyway this was Waldo's choice...

Not long into the marriage, Waldo developed an addiction to opioids. Sayuki started to meddle in band affairs, change the band style and evolved creative differences. This started a feud between Waldo and the Master, eventually resulting in the band disbanding. Sayuki was the main reason for the bands demise. Waldo and Sayuki ran off together. During this time, Waldo's addiction worsened and his mind was complete mush, Sayuki took her husband's fortune and ran off with Skunk V. Eventually the Master found Waldo in a catatonic state from his severe drug addiction. This resulted in the Master helping rehabilitate Waldo.

Sayuki: Indeed. He was a pathetic junkie. Although it was Japanese opium that I may or may not have been supplying him with, nevertheless, he should have had some self control. Regardless, while I left him, I didn't divorce him.

Hole in the floor: This is outrageous slander! Historical revision at it's worst!!! You're all wrong...

A volume of The Chronicles of WF is thrown out of the hole, with a marked page...Mayuri picked up the book and begins to read the chapter out loud.

"Saso inserted himself in to Waldo's life, then kept trying to leave after wF got attached. Plus it was Waldo who wanted the Master to join HIS band. He did eventually - after Waldo kept disrupting his Master tours. A few planes had to be brought down..."

"The band got very big. Waldo quickly shunned the success of the band though. He didn't care much for the kiddies who loved him, and he was concerned about becoming mainstream, so he sabotaged their American tour by blowing all their money, and stranding them in Alabama, where he "inherited" a diner, and forced the Master to run it while Waldo deliberately inflamed local racial tensions for fun."

"The Master had to be the chef and waitress. Of course, he objected to Waldo keeping the previous owner in the freezer and desperately wanted to go to San Francisco. The local boys weren't too keen on Saso, with his poncy accent, little gay rag scarf thing around his neck and flowers in his horns. They used to bully him!"

The Masters snorts with outrage but resists interrupting. Tess is horribly bored while Sayuki nods silently.

"Waldo did a lot of his evil things at night. Often during the day he'd just sit in the corner with his glasses on with his newspaper and coffee, leering at folk."

"After a while he got bored of course, especially after the success of the civil rights movement, so he took Saso west.

"Naturally, Saso fell in love with San Francisco and wanted to stay. Waldo met this Sing Kang or whatever her name was, but he wasn't too enthused. He was more curious about all this fuss in the far east was about, so he jumped ship and headed there on the CIA's dime."

"Waldo's vicious tactics and resilience caught the attention of the CIA. They sent him to Laos to do some wetwork in the region but he quickly got bored and turned on them..."

"We will now finally address the issue of "Sing Kang" in full because there's a lot of misinformation and oversimplification of these subject. Saso's version of events don't tell the whole story."

"Her name was Sayuki. WF never cared much what her name was. He usually just called her "Wench!" or "Sing Chan" and she called him "Goberin San" or "Senpai".

"It was Saso who called her Sing Kang, and it was Saso that introduced her to Waldo. It was Saso's belief that tying Waldo down with a wife would calm him down, make him more docile..."

"Waldo and the Wench got along well for a time. He liked her because she didn't speak much english, but understood basic commands and was obedient. Cooked his meals, cleaned up his pit, and played with Widdle Frunkut. She liked Waldo because she had a thing for flippers and tentacles."

"She was actually only half japanese. Her father was a German Christian, and she was born near Nagasaki. She looked quite like an anime character with her big round eyes and pale skin, which seemed apt considering she liked to dress like a schoolgirl well into her twenties for some reason."

"The first year of marriage was good, but then it all went horribly wrong. The Masters council got their dirty claws into her and twisted her mind. It was bad enough that Saso taught her English, but then before Waldo knew what had happened, she started spewing all this post-modern drivel and became completely insufferable."

"She was a sweet girl but by 1970, she was just awful. She got rid of the nice dresses and started dressing all in black, wore sunglasses all the time, and even cut her hair short. She tried to make WF do the same, and for a time he complied."

"Then she started to change physically. She became gaunt and weird looking. Her big milkers disappeared and she started to look like a diseased toad. In retrospect, it may have been a delayed reaction to the nuclear fallout in her home region."

"Anyway, it was too much for Waldo, and the music scene wasn't working for him anymore. Yet Waldo didn't want a divorce, as he still has these weird selective morals. Instead he thought the only honourable thing to do was to run away. Which is exactly what he did. He ran off to serve in Nam and left Sing Chan and Stan holding the boglins."

"And so Waldo took Skunk V and headed for the far east. He enjoyed his time there. The chaos and violence was a good palate cleanser. Unfortunately Skunk V didn't seem to enjoy it so much. He started to lose his mind, which was fine with Waldo as he didn't think being mad was at all bad."

"Eventually, of course, Waldo became disssatisfied with la CIA's lack of resolve, and abandoned them. Set loose to do his own bidding, soon enough he became a god to the Cambodian locals."

"The Council, apparently could not stand this and dispatched a team led by Devlin to retrieve Waldo. The team were all wiped out but Saso was able to capture Waldo long enough to take him back to the States."

"He was brought to New York City. Waldo quite liked NYC in the 1970's. The graffiti everywhere and trash piling up on the sidewalk really made Waldo feel at home, and he insisted on doing a Brooklyn accent."

"Unfortunately he wasn't meant to enjoy it, and it was decided that most fitting punishment was to force him to go back to his wife, who had a Council funded apartment in Greenwich Village. Waldo loathed it. He'd only just escaped SF a couple of years earlier, and now here he was back in a liberal cesspit surrounded by fags."

"The Council kept a relatively close eye on him, but it didn't stop him doing some work for the mob, which kept him occupied. However, his homelife was miserable and he started drinking. Eventually one night, after hearing yet another one of Sayuki's ghastly poems, Waldo snapped, and took off his belt....He ended up beating the "spoilt jap bitch" to within an inch of her life."

"Unbeknownst to WF, Skunk V, who was now an unhinged photographer, and disillusioned former acolyte, had fallen hopelessly in love with Sing Kang and on that night in 1980, shot Waldo in the back several times, and ran away."

"The 'Freeze' gave it away. Waldo knew it was the Skunk, but was unable to find the rodent. After concluding that wF was in fact more a danger to the toad lady, it was decided to let waldo leave NYC. And so Waldo took Stan and headed south to Miami where he stared a coke empire, and spic Waldo was born. A drugged up Cuban variation...."

Sayuki: Whatever... You were still a pathetic junkie!

Master Devlin: I agree, Waldo. This woman is a toxic bitch, but you were a complete mess. Those Chronicles are clearly biased and filled with half truths.

Sayuki: Toxic Bitch?? How dare you, Deverin?

Master: Silence wench!

Sayuki: No! I've come for my half of this house. As I'm legally entitled to.

Hole in the floor: OVer mY dead BoDY! You aiNt GetTn shit you dirty old hag!

Tess: Well I am also entitled to half...I'm not going to let some crook or you, Devlin, jew me out of what's rightfully mine...Though I suppose i'd be willing to negotiate...of course. Perhaps if you throw in this icebox...it's rather cosy.

Master Devlin: Oh you like this ice box do you? Very well.

The Master throws Tess in and padlocks it shut.

Master Devlin: Now, ladies...Before we get carried away, let us be clear: Waldo does not own this house. It is the property of the Masters Council He is staying here as an employee. Undestand? Now....What assets do you honestly believe Waldo to have?

Sayuki: I... umm... his uhh... petshop... yes?

Master Devlin: Long gone.

Sayuki: Lies! I will sue

Master Devlin: You got it.

Sayuki: I will see you all in court. Granddaughter... Otto! Come!

Skunk V picks itself up off the floor and follows Sayuki out the door.

Mayuri is staring out the window heartbroken

Waldo remerges from the hole.

wF: Saso, a word please...lets take a walk...

****

Waldo and the Master leave the cottage and take a stroll through across the Council campus grounds until they stop at a bench under a very large, very old tree by a duck pond.

Master Devlin: You really fucked this, Waldo...

wF: Yes, quite...

Master Devlin: Why didn't you divorce those women?

wF: Dunno...Don't like lawyers.

Master Devlin: I can represent you.

wF: Actually, Stan, we had something else in mind...

Master Devlin: Oh??

wF: Not too long ago, Wiffuhuh helped you out.

Master Devlin: You did?

wF: Of course! We dealt with a rather troublesome journalist that was plaguing your existence with her defamatory articles...Now Wiffuhuh finds itself in a similar position.

Master Devlin: I believe I understand...It's not that I don't want to help you, but you enjoy murder. Why not take care of it yourself?

wF: Normally we would deal with it ourselves but due to other considerations, it's perhaps not the wisest course of action.

Master Devlin: Other considerations?

wF: Discretion, my dear dragon. We can't just go murder the girl's grandmother. In fact it would be best if we has an iron clad alibi.

Master Devlin: I see. What about Tess? We could just give her bird flu. I still have some.

wF: Tess is a nuisance, but no, the real problem is Sing Kang. She is the one we wish you to deal with. However, this may involve taking out Skunk V too.

Master Devlin: I was just about to say that. I have an idea how to deal with them both. I think you know where I'm going with this...But it's probably best you don't know.

wF: Yes, probably the less we know the better. But rest assured, if they were to meet some untimely end, you'd be doing the Waldoverse a favour. Two favours! Skunk V is a terrorist after all. In fact, I'm sure the Patriot Act will cover this.

Master Devlin: Consider it done. Though it may take a little time.

wF: Splendid!

Chapter 2:

A few days later, the Master visits the Waldo cottage during his lunch break and invites himself in. Waldo is sitting in the open plan dining room / kitchen munching some sugar puffs while browsing a Goblins Illustrated magazine.

Master Devlin: Hey Wally.

wF: Hello!

Master Devlin: Are you well?

wF: ...Fine.

Master Devlin: Good. Um...Aren't you going to ask me how I am?

wF: No!

Master Devlin: Hrmm. Well I have news I...Where's Tess?

Waldo shrugs. The Master's attention is drawn to the padlocked freezer across the room.

Master Devlin: Oh dear, she's still locked in the freezer, isn't she?

wF: Oh, yeah, that's right...

Master Devlin: You haven't let her out?

wF: Why would we? She's been real quiet ever since. Quite a pleasant relief, we must say. Besides, it's her natural environment...

Master Devlin: But penguins need to move and huddle together in groups in their natural environment! She'll freeze in there!

wF: Yes, I suppose you're right... Oh well, nothing of value lost, no doubt. She's just awful.

Master Devlin: That's true. She is a dreadful woman... Hmm. Perhaps just leave her in there then.

wF: Well we would, but Mayuri needs a freezer for her chicken tenders...Perhaps you could take that freezer to the dump and get us a new one? Ideally one without an obnoxious penguin inside.

Master Devlin: Maybe later.

wF: Why on earth did you marry her, anyway??

Master Devlin: Eh?? I didn't, you did! You have three wives!

wF: Oh? Yes, yes, quite...

Master Devlin: Well, one wife - three weddings...

wF: Funny, we don't remember any of them.

Master Devlin: I do. I attended all of them. You were very drunk - Cuban Waldo came out.

wF: I see...Well, we has zero recollections. It's the same old story. All of a sudden Wiffuhuh has a new wife, at least according to the Editor or Patrick Stewart...Whomever is saying Waldoverse stuff...

Master Devlin: Right...I just assumed you kept getting divorced. Anyway, perhaps we could feed Tess to a killer whale...

wF: Which one of the Waldo wives you liken the bestest?

Master Devlin: Mayuri, definitely. She's not very intellectually stimulating, but she's real very sweet at least.

wF: Yeah! She is real sweet. Sweet and Simple!

Master Devlin: Tess on the other hand, is a greedy cow. And Sayuki is just evil. They're like Tammy I and Tammy II. Anyway...What did I come here to tell you... Oh right! Apparently Sayuki is seeking legal advice regarding your marital situation. Also there's something else... Her solicitor is none other than Harris Travers...

wF: What!? No, can't be true! Travers is a noble goblin! A man of honour...

Master Devlin: I don't know why he does these things. He looks for every opportunity to tell some people they are speaking out of turn...

wF: Hmm...Why hasn't the Master...Taken care of this problem already?

Master Devlin: Sing Kang? There hasn't been an opportunity yet.

wF: Unacceptable!

Master Devlin: Excuse me?

wF: NO. You're not excused...No more excuses.

Master Devlin: I'm working on it, Waldo...😠

wF: That woman has moved in! As has the Skunk V! They noises they make in their room...

Master Devlin: HOW?

wF: How do you think?? The wife let her grandmother stay. The crone makes life miserable! She insists on cooking - horrible things! VEGAN!? We haven't had chicken tenders for days...Mayushii is starting to waste away but she won't say nothing...And you've come to gloat...I thought we were friends, but you couldn't do this one thing for us! You love to see Wiffuhuh suffer...Well the joke's on you. With all the drool holes everywhere, this nice new Council house is as structurally unsound as the skunks themselves! Look! You can see into the upstairs toilet from here. We had to sit and eat dinner while "grandpa otto" relieved his bowels above us...We heard and saw...everything....

Master Devlin: Fine...Pack your things. Make your excuses and get you and Mayuri out. In fact, make a dramatic exit. Tell Sing Kang she is ruining your life and you're leaving...Once you're out. I'll take care of it.

Chapter 3:

Mayuri and Waldo show up unannounced at the Master's on campus quarters.

wF: Hi Masta! Mayuri is excited to go on this mystery holiday...Funded by the Council...All expenses included.

Master Devlin: 😒 ...Fine.

wF: (doing a Kiefer Sutherland voice) Ocelots raising hounds, huh?...Fine...

Mayuri: 🤨

Master Devlin: 🤨

The Master sees them out to the courtyard as rickshaw pulls up and waits.

Master Devlin: Well...Enjoy your holiday.

Mayuri: (Waving) Bye Senpai!

The Master gives an awkward wave in return as they depart. Waldo does his sly Waldo smirk. As Mr and Mrs Waldo leave in the rickshaw, Master Ron appears.

Master Ron: They're leaving? So soon? What a shame...I was just telling Master Don how very lucky we were to have them...

Master Devlin: Just away on holiday, Ron...

Master Ron: Oh...Well, uh...Ah, Devlin! Just the man I'm looking for...Have you seen my cat, George? He's wandered off. No doubt he's probably gone off with Bonzo on some monkey business again... But if you see him...

Master Devlin: Sure Ron...

Master Ron: Right well I um...Where was I again? Ah yes, Grenada! How goes the invasion? I'm in the dog house with Maggie. You see...You know...Maybe that's where George is? Have you tried looking for him there...? No no thank you, I'm quite alright. That Walter... May God have mercy on his soul... Oh by the way. Have you found Travers yet? He should be here. He hasn't shown up for work for some time...

Master Devlin: Travers doesn't work here Ron. Say, aren't you supposed to be going to the theatre. You better hurry up sir or you'll be late.

Master Ron: Oh yes. Yes...Well good luck with your meeting with Maggie, Danny. And God Speed...

The Master rolls his eyes.

Chapter 4:

After dark, outside the Waldo cottage, the Master sits at a secluded vantage point, away from the house. From the upstairs bedroom, he hears the grunts and squawks of the Skunk and Sing Kang.

Hearing footsteps approach, the Master turns to see an inebriated Stanbot II stumbling toward him.

Master Devlin: Good Lord, man. What's the matter with you?

Stanbot: Apologies sir. Had a slight setback...

Master Devlin: Did you tamper with the gas line like I asked?

Stanbot: Sir? I don't remember you asking me to.

Master Devlin: For fuck sake Stanbot... This was a perfect opportunity! What the hell are we going to do now...

Before Stanbot could reply, the house erupts in a massive explosion, illuminating the campus as flames and debris rain down in every direction.

****

Hours later, the flames have been extinguished. The fire officer clears the house for inspection. Two badly burnt corpses are removed from the wreckage.

Master Devlin: What do you think caused the explosion?

Fire Officer: It looks like an object detonated from inside. One of the occupants seems to have been making bombs.

Master Devlin: The two tenants are away on holiday so it was probably intruders.

Master Ron appears.

Master Ron: Ah, I see the invasion is underway! Excellent...

Followed by Tess who waddles up in a fury.

Tess: What the hell is this?? My house!? My icebox!! You there, fireman, what's the meaning of this??

The fire officer looks bewildered down at the little penguin squawking at him.

Master Devlin: Stanbot, can you see to Ron. He appears to have lost his way... Tess, how nice of you to join us... I feared the worst. I was sure you had been in there...

Tess: I bet you did...For your information, Sing Kang let me out, you rotter... We came to an agreement in fact... Now what the bloody hell happened to my house??

Master Devlin: Your house? The property belonged to the Masters Council. Your "husband" was just the tenant.

Tess: But I was living there! Where am I to stay now? Well, then...I guess I shall have to move in with you. For the time being...I guess I don't have any luggage. Fortunately for you... Well, what are you waiting for?? Let's go! I need my beauty sleep!

Master Devlin: I couldn't give a fuck where you stay, Tess, but I can tell you it's not here or in my any of my homes. Perhaps go to Antarctica.

Tess: That is incredibly racist! I've never even been to Antarctica!

Master Devlin: Take it how you like, but I said go to Antarctica. I never implied you came from there. Now if you excuse me...

A curious fireman approaches.

Fireman: Who's the hysterical pigeon?

Tess: Pigeon? Pigeon?? You'll pay for that you peasant scum!

Tess charges at the fire officer, aggressively pecking at him. However, the pecks barely make an impact, bouncing off his heavy fire gear.

They continue to look down at Tess in hysterics.

Master Devlin: Tess, do be quiet! Sorry... So you think these two were squatters perhaps?

Fire officer: Madam, I don't think it's wise for you to be here.

Tess turns on him and starts slapping his fire coat with her wings, running out of breath.

Master Devlin: You look tired, Tess...

Tess: Shut up! I'll deal with you soon enough! It's just...*pants*...just a bit too warm out here, that's all. I'm not in my optimal environment. And this grass is not regulation! I just need some...Cold air and...ice...

Tess collapses on the lawn, defeated, for now.

Master Devlin: Come with me, Tess. I know where you can stay...

Tess: Really?

Master Devlin: Yes. I think you'll like it. Let's go. Excuse me, gentlemen...

The Master picks up the penguin and takes her over to the council building before stuffing her in an animal carrier. He then takes flight and flies over to Widdlington Zoo on the west side of town. Inside, he approaches a zookeeper in his office. The Master places the carrier on the table.

Master Devlin: Good morning. I'd like to deposit this penguin...

Zoo Keeper: Penguin huh? I'm sure we can accomodate... Let's have a look.

Master Devlin: Excellent.

The zoo keeper takes Tess out of the carrier. She struggles and squawks in his hands but he handles her with confidence.

Master Devlin: Careful. She's a little nippy.

Zoo Keeper: Ah, a little gentoo...

Master Devlin: I think she's a hybrid but I'm not sure.

Zoo Keeper: Where did you find her?

Master Devlin: She just turned up at my property.

Zoo Keeper: I see, well she...ouch...I see what you mean. She's quite a handful...But we'll give her a good home. Here's your £50 finders fee...

Master Devlin: Excellent. Thank you. Good bye, Tess.

Tess: You'll pay for this, you treacherous swine!

Master Devlin: Of course...

The Master leaves the zoo and heads back to the Council grounds, feeling rather satisfied with the outcome of events. For now...

The story continues in The Case of Stanbot.