Sanctuary of Sleaze
The following takes place following: Nilbog Hath Cometh
The journey had been slow but uneventful as Revy safely guided them across town, until they reached the largest and most decadent estate in all of Waverly Hills—the Waldstone Mansion, better known as the Playpen Mansion. As they approached, the Master noticed a protective force field of magic surrounding the estate.
Within, legions of men—and some women—were training on the expansive lawns. These were clearly not professional soldiers, but ordinary citizens given a crash course in the art of warfare. The Master recognized Wesley Wyndam-Pryce as one of the instructors. He appeared to be in far better physical shape than before, and there was now a ruthless intensity in his eyes. The Master made a mental note to speak with him later, but for now, he was anxious to find Wally.
On their way to the main house, they were intercepted by Mr. Konrad, whom the Master was pleased to see. He began to ask questions, but Konrad assured him that all would be explained in time.
As they headed up the steps to the mansion, Revy abruptly announced that she had “shit to do” and departed unceremoniously.
The Master and Chantelle followed Mr. Konrad past the large outdoor pool and hot tub, where a group of anime girls from other realms lounged in varying states of undress.
“Master Waldo and Master Travers’ harem concubines,” Mr. Konrad explained casually as they walked past. “They’ve become something of a collector, you see.”
Finally, they were led into a large hall lit with moody ambience. In the corner, the Master spotted Frakes—noticeably returned to a healthy weight—reading his Playpen magazine.
Then, seated on a throne and holding a trident, was the little goblin himself.
wF: “Ah, Danny Devlin, as we live and breathe! It’s been seventy years if it’s been a day... How are you, man?”
Master Devlin: “Waldo, what the hell has happened? I’ve been away for two weeks and the whole city’s gone to shit. And you’re engaged again? Where is Ermintrude? Where is Mayuri?”
wF: “All will be explained in time, Sidney...”
Chantelle: “Damn! This some fancy-ass place you got... Hey, ain’t you that cute little cabbage that came into our club one time? And you, Master dude... you ate all the buffet... You all be life mates or some shit...?”
wF: “Hmm. Curious... Afraid we don’t recall any of that stuff, or you...”
Chantelle: “Sheeeit... it was a few weeks back. You had a moustache then... your voice was different too. You sounded American, like me...”
Master Devlin: “It’s not him. Well, sort of... It’s complicated...”
Chantelle: “Uh... right, sugar. Whatever... So anyway, I ain’t got nowhere to go and I heard this was like some kind of magical sanctuary for us common folk?”
wF: “Ah yes... well, most who come here are recruited into the Resistance Fighting Corps. But you are very buxom...”
Waldo walked up and examined her, then took her hand.
wF: “Perhaps you’d like to join my harem of fiancées out there?”
They glanced out the window toward the pool, where the women continued to lounge. The Master then noticed Mayuri stepping out the side door with a tray of chicken tenders, handing them out to her fellow anime women. Relief and confusion mixed on his face.
Chantelle: “Sheeeeeeit... fighting or lounging by the pool eating chicken? Don’t have to ask me twice. I accept, my lord...”
wF: “Excellent! Then, as ruler of Wallywood, we formally grant you protection as our bride-to-be. Mr. Konrad—please show... uh...?”
“Chantelle,” she replied.
wF: “Ah. Please find Chantelle a bed in the pool house and show her around.”
Mr. Konrad gave a slight bow and led her away.
wF: “Now where were we? Ah yes... Look, Masta! It’s me, Wiffuhuh! We is ruler of this district now. Isn't that swell? Aren’t yousa bein’ proud? Many stuffs have happened while you’re gone. It’s night all the time here now. We’ve missed you much!”
Waldo hugs the Master's leg.
The Master notices Goblin Slayer outside, storming up the hill to the mansion with Wesley following, attempting to speak with him. Goblin Slayer’s armor is covered in dirt, blood, and slime. He turns to Wesley, says something, then throws his bloodied sword at a window in anger, shattering it, and storms upstairs.
Wesley enters the hall of the Warlord of Wallywood.
wF: “Ah, Wyndam-Pryce... What news from the battlefield?”
Wesley: “I’m afraid it didn’t go well...”
wF: “I see. How many did we lose this time?”
Wesley: “Four hundred and twelve.”
wF: “I see. Well, you best get our champion under control. Can’t be having him smashing our house in a tantrum. New windows aren’t easy to come by anymore...”
Wesley: “I’ll have a word with him when he calms down.”
Wesley then walks over to the nearby bar and pours himself some scotch.
“Senpai! You’re back!”
The Master turns to find Mayuri run into his arms and hug him.
Mayuri: “I knew you’d return someday!”
Master Devlin: “Ahh, hello Mayuri. I am happy to see you. But I’m very confused. What has happened here? I’ve been gone two weeks and no one will tell me what the fuck is going on. It’s like an episode of Community where things happen very quickly...”
Wesley: “Well, it did all happen rather fast. From what we gather, your old friends Van Der Beak and Vincent returned and used a powerful amulet to summon an ancient evil. A currently formless demigod known as Nilbog the Corruptor.”
Master Devlin: “Oh dear.”
Wesley: “Nilbog has taken most of the city, plunging it into eternal darkness. Hordes of demon spawn now roam the streets, hunting down and killing or enslaving humans.”
Mayuri: “It was horrifying. These evil beasts attacked the council grounds all at once. We barely escaped.”
Wesley: “Not all were so lucky. Many were killed in the attack. Most of the elder council members were taken prisoner, we believe. The city is now fractured, with various warlords ruling districts. Van Der Beak—who is now some sort of repulsive human-bird hybrid—has taken the citadel of Widdicombe. He or she—I’m not quite sure—has the power of Nilbog and Mr. Vincent at their disposal. Widdicombe has essentially become Birdonia 2.0, albeit somehow more nightmarish. “West Widdlington is under the control of Tess Von Hildendorf, who has pledged fealty to Nilbog and has been granted that domain. She commands an army of skunk vermin and Nilbogian daemon foot soldiers. “The one piece of good news is that we’ve managed to build this sanctuary here in Waverly Hills, where we are doing what we can to hold back the forces of darkness—with our co-warlords, Mr. Waldo and Mr. Travers.”
Master Devlin: “Co-warlords?”
Wesley: “Indeed. You should know that whatever mental block existed before has seemingly gone. We all now recognize that Mr. Waldo and Mr. Travers are in fact one and the same—everyone but the two of them, I should say. Mrs. Walvers here has accepted them both as her husbands. Though Mr. Travers insisted on having a harem of concubines, and Waldo seems to like to propose to lots of women... As warlord, it has been accepted, for the greater good.”
Mayuri: “I’m not thrilled about the idea of sharing my husband... husbands... but we are in difficult times.”
Wesley: “I mainly do research and help train new recruits—strays that one of Waldo’s fiancées, Revy, picks up on her rounds around town. Goblin Slayer is our greatest champion now, leading assaults against the forces of Van Der Beak in hopes of freeing his love, Ermintrude, from enslavement... This was sent as a taunt.”
Wesley pulls out a photo and hands it to the Master. It shows a hideously scarred Dr. Drabak with a beak and feathers, sitting on a throne with Mr. Vincent by their side. On the floor at their feet, a chained Ermintrude wears a Leia Slave Girl costume, and Stanbot 2.0 is being used as a footstool.
Wesley: “We’ve been trying to fight back in the hopes of rescuing them and ultimately vanquishing this evil. But it hasn’t been going so well. Von Hildendorf’s forces have been chipping away at ours from the west, while we’re facing onslaughts from the south and east. So for now, this estate is the base of our operations... Well, I think that just about covers it!”
Mr. Konrad enters with a trolley of chemical burgers.
Konrad: “You must be starving, Master Devlin.”
Without a word, Frakes walks up, takes the trolley away from Konrad, and retreats to his corner.
Konrad: “Um... I’ll have Kazuhira make some more. Be right back.”
Master Devlin: “Interesting to see Frakes is actually able to walk again. I take it food was rather scarce at one point?”
Wesley: “Kazuhira is handling the catering. He’s managing for now. Scavenger parties have been fairly successful at gathering supplies.”
Master Devlin: “What about your father, Wesley? Is he alive?”
Wesley: “I... I’m afraid I don’t know. We haven’t seen any of the council elders since the attack. Other than Master Ron. Revy found him wandering around alone. He wasn’t much help, as you might imagine. He’s upstairs in one of the bedrooms.”
Master Devlin: “Well, you’re going to need my help. I’ll need to go back to my office in the council grounds. There are things there... weapons... from a time I very much hoped I wouldn’t have to relive. I killed many who were deserving... and many who were not. These weapons... they are my burden. From a life that is behind me. Now I must collect them.”
Wesley: “Very well... but you shouldn’t go alone. In fact, I’ll send for Revy and Goblin Slayer to accompany you... with your permission, my lord?”
wF: “What? Oh yes, yes, fine fine...”
Waldo is distracted by the glow of light marching up toward the house.
Wesley: (sigh) “This is all we need...”
Season 5 continues in The Church of Sasoism