Debate Night

The following takes place following: The Race Begins

WBC NEWS ONLINE

Barry Scott Faces Tough Night Ahead as Mayoral Debate Looms

It’s debate night in Widdlington, and tensions run high as mayoral candidates Barry Scott and Harris Travers prepare to face off live on WTV at 7 p.m.

The past week has seen a surge in aggressive campaigning, with a series of hard-hitting ads funded by the Travers campaign dominating major networks. These ads accuse Scott — beloved television personality and self-styled cleaning enthusiast — of everything from involvement in covering up violent crimes to alleged ties with the banned skunkbreed extremist group, the Alt-Front.

Scott has vehemently denied all allegations, calling them “malicious fabrications” and “desperate smear tactics.” Still, the impact on public perception has been significant. He’s taken a notable hit in the polls over the past 48 hours, and this morning’s fresh accusations linking him to the Alt-Front threaten to make tonight’s debate especially challenging.

Observers say tonight’s debate will be a defining moment. Whether Scott can regain momentum — or if Travers’ scorched-earth strategy will dominate — remains to be seen. One thing is certain: Widdlington will be watching.

The Master smiled as he read the article on his phone. He and Travers arrived at the WTV studio in an armored limousine — Devlin’s idea.

Master Devlin: This is playing out perfectly. The poll numbers have really taken a hit for Scott. But don’t forget, he’ll strike back hard. Your past—promiscuous and sleazy as it is—will be the focus. His team will exploit that without mercy.

Travers: Yes, Master Devlin. I know you’ve warned me already, but you’re warning out of turn. Travers has got this. Trust me, there ain't no way we can lose.

Mr. Boothe opened the limousine door for Travers, and they stepped inside.

****

Inside the studio, the debate is about to begin, with Samuel Waldo serving as moderator. From this moment on, he is his own goblin — independent of WF — simply because the Editor and Co-Editor wished it.

Samuel Waldo:Hello, dear viewers. I am Samuel Waldo, and welcome to this live televised debate on WTV for the position of Mayor of Widdlington. For the next hour, we will be putting questions to the frontrunner candidates: Harris Travers and Barry Scott. In the interest of saving time, I ask that you keep applause to a minimum. Thank you. Now, to begin, both candidates will have two minutes to make their opening statements. Mr Travers, you may go first.

Travers:

Thank you, Mr Waldo… Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name’s Harris John Travers. I’m no politician. I’m just a regular guy. I believe in hard work — and I believe in rewarding that hard work with a nice cold beer and a good oil change. I also love freedom.

This town has suffered a great trauma these past few months. As many of you have no doubt guessed, I’m an American. And as an American, that kind of societal trauma is all too familiar.

Now, I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that what happened here was the biggest crime against humanity since terrorists brought down the Twin Towers on 9/11. I should know — I was there. I saw it all. And I said to myself that day: Never again. Since then, I have dedicated my life to public service and fighting for freedom.

After serving three tours in Afghanistan, I chose to return to Western civilisation and settle here, in Widdlington, and I’ve since continued my pledge of tireless public service, representing everyday, hardworking, Waldonians. I’d like to continue to do so — now as your Mayor.

We must rebuild this great town. Inject some life back into our community. And I have a plan for that. I’ve been speaking to many of you — including some of our finest business owners, some of whom are here tonight. I think I see Benedict Kazuhira Miller of Pax Hamburgana in the back there… If you haven’t tried one of his terrific chemical burgers, you don’t know what you’re missing.

And of course, I see we have the beautiful and buxom Nubian queen, Chantelle Devereux, in the front row — owner and proprietor of the town’s hottest new gentleman’s club, The Sass Hole...

The British government has abandoned these fine, upstanding entrepreneurs — choosing instead to tax the living daylights out of them. Well I say: to hell with that government! They did nothing for us in our time of need. If I’m voted mayor, we’ll establish our own economic policy, and I intend to use that to help these businesses thrive.

The fact is, I’ve already delivered on one of my key promises. I said I’d deliver us from evil and return our town to its green and pleasant — and sunny — former glory. I’ve done just that.

Now imagine what I could do as mayor...

My opponent would have you believe he’s the one who’s going to clean up this town. But what’s he done so far? Other than sweeping brutal murders under the rug and associating with fascistic terrorists. Terrorists! Just like the ones that brought down the World Trade Center. Just like the ones who turned Widdlington into a demonic hellhole.

No. You all know better than to trust someone like that.

I’m sure he’ll be throwing all kinds of baseless accusations at me tonight — but the fact of the matter is, while I may have a reputation for liking the ladies a bit too much, I’ve never been anything less than a gentleman. And everything I’ve done has been entirely consensual. A court of law proved that, for the record.

But I trust Waldonians to see through the lies and innuendo he’s going to throw at me — because that’s all it is. The desperate flailing of a terrorist sympathiser trying to salvage a disaster of a campaign.

Vote for me, ladies and gentlemen — for a brighter Waldonia. Thank you.

There’s whooping and cheering from the audience. Samuel almost starts to clap then remembers himself and stops.

Samuel Waldo: Thank you, Mr Travers. And now, Mr Scott — you have two minutes.

Barry Scott:

Hi, Barry Scott here! Remember me? Every year, millions struggle with grime, grease, and stubborn stains. Now Widdlington's got its own mess — crime, corruption, filth on every corner. But some problems are just too big for politicians. That's why you need someone who knows how to clean. Vote for me — and I’ll clean up this town the only way I know how: Bang! And the dirt is gone.

The audience erupts. Standing ovation. Someone blows an air horn.

Travers grits his teeth, livid.

In his earpiece, Devlin sighs:

Master Devlin: You need to get more down to their level. The audience are clearly morons…

Samuel Waldo: Alright, alright — settle down now, please! Now our first question comes from a member of tonight's audience. A Mrs Shelley Unwin, pub owner from Witherfield. Please go ahead.

Shelley Unwin: My question is for Mr Travers. Why should we vote for a disgusting, sleazy man like you to be our Mayor? My life was ruined by bigamists and perverts like you. How many wives do you have, Mr Travers? My ex-husband Peter Barlow thought he could go around fornicating with random florists, then marrying them, before marrying me. I can see your wife standing uncomfortably at the back — and she knows exactly who you are. Mr Scott has plans to clean up this town… maybe he should start by cleaning up you, Mr Travers.

The audience erupts with laughter and applause. Barry Scott claps supportively.

Travers’s moustache trembles.

Travers: Ahem... I move to have the question from Ms. Onion disregarded. Not only is she part of my opponent’s campaign team, but she has a very personal vendetta against me. The fact is, she drunkenly gave me a rebound oil change behind the bar of her pub after closing time when she got dumped. It wasn’t an unpleasant experience—quite the opposite, in fact—but she’s held a grudge ever since I put some distance between us when she got too clingy. She even attacked me in the street once, nearly knocking me out after slapping me with her heavy udders. Again, not the most unpleasant attack, but still—she’s clearly biased.

Shelley Unwin: You were drunk, Mr. Travers, and you tried to get me to marry you, despite already being married. You’re a pig!

Travers: No, Ms. Onion. You’re speaking out of turn.

Samuel Waldo: I’m afraid he’s right. Please take your seat, madam. You no longer have the floor.

Travers: Thanks, Sam. As for why you should vote for me—I may be sleazy, but I get results. Look around you. I promised no more demons and no more evil dictatorial birds. I promised sunlight over Widdlington. All achieved. That’s why you should vote for me—not my terrorist-supporting opponent.

A modest applause spreads through the room.

Samuel Waldo:Well, that leads us nicely into our next question, submitted online by a Mr Barry Georgetown. Mr Georgetown asks: How can it be acceptable for a man with known terror links to run for mayor? This is no doubt in reference to the recent allegations in the press regarding your alleged associations with certain alternative radical fronts. How do you respond, Mr Scott?

Barry Scott: Well, I understand that the recent news cycle has caused concern, and I’d like to take a moment to set the record straight. It is true that I once moonlighted as a crime scene cleaner — but everything I did was entirely legal and above board.

However, the illustration that’s been circulated recently — implying my involvement in murder and ties to terrorist groups — is highly misleading. The truth is—

Travers: Son, you are a terrorist sympathiser. You don’t have the luxury of claiming to know what the truth is... You couldn’t handle the truth if it slapped you in your stupid face!

Barry Scott: If I may? I didn’t interrupt you.

Samuel Waldo: Let him answer the question, Mr Travers...

Barry Scott: Thank you. The truth is, I witnessed a horrific event several years ago at a remote hotel. The hotel manager — in a psychotic breakdown — murdered several guests. At the time, one of his employees was later identified as a skunkbreed extremist with known terror affiliations.

I was a guest there too. I survived only because I was forced, under threat, to clean up the scene in order to avoid the same fate. It was a deeply traumatic experience — and yes, it’s something I have carried with me. But I will not stand here and allow those events to be twisted into false accusations of complicity or ideological alignment. That’s not just misleading — it’s shameful.

Travers: C’mon, man! That’s the best you’ve got? You know, it’s very appropriate that your initials are ‘B.S.’ — because you are full of it!

This gets a considerable laugh. Travers soaks it in with a smug grin and a theatrical bow.

Barry Scott: Mr Waldo, I must ask that you instruct Mr Travers to let me speak without interruption.

Samuel Waldo: Well, uh...

Travers: Don’t hide behind him. Talk to me, you son of a bitch! You’re a goddamn weasel, Mr Scott! The lowest form of pond scum. You clean up the mess of criminals? Well I clean up criminal scum like you! Just like that goddamn bird I took down. Just like all—

The audience groans audibly.

Master Devlin (in the earpiece): You need to cool off... You’re going to blow it.

Barry Scott: Mr Waldo? This is unbecoming of a mayoral candidate. He’s being openly abusive.

Half the audience claps in agreement.

Samuel Waldo: Uh, well, um... Mr Travers, let’s try to keep this civil, shall we? And I would ask you to watch your language, please.

Travers: My apologies. I’m just a passionate goblin — and frankly, it’s difficult.

This man is a disgrace. He’s a fraud!

Do you know his name isn’t even Barry Scott?

Travers pulls out a crumpled printout from IMDb and waves it triumphantly.

Travers: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to a Mr. Neil Burgess... An actor! And a rather lousy one at that!

Samuel Waldo: My word… Is that true? Barry Scott isn’t even your real name?

Barry Scott: Well… no.

The audience gasps. Many shake their heads in dismay.

Barry Scott: It was a character I played on TV, but people kept calling me that so much I just went along with it… But if we’re talking about fraud — did you know that Travers isn’t really a war hero?

Travers: OBJECTION, your honour!

Samuel Waldo: This isn’t a courtroom, Mr. Travers…

Barry Scott: He claims to be a veteran of countless wars — from Vietnam to Afghanistan — yet there’s no record of his military service anywhere. I’d bet he’s never even been to those places. You know there’s no record of him holding a passport?

The audience gasps.

Travers: That’s because it was highly classified, Black Ops, you miserable little maggot— I was stacking bodies of Charlie ten feet high in Phnom Penh while you were still just a load sliding down your mum’s oesophagus, you little shit! I will bury you!

Master Devlin (in the earpiece): For fuck’s sake, Travers… Cool it. Don’t take the bait.

Samuel Waldo: Now, now, Mr. Travers, that is rather unbecoming. Please — watch your language…

Barry Scott: Even in the war just a few months ago, he hid behind his Director of Communications. We all saw it. In fact, I’ve heard it was your Director who had to defy you — because you were prepared to let us be ruled by Van Der Beak. You opposed the war until the very last minute.

Travers: You heard wrong! This is vicious, baseless slander!

Samuel Waldo: Alright, that’s enough, thank you. This is getting out of hand. We have another question here from a Mr. Guthrie Govan…

Guthrie: Hi, it’s Guthrie here... I have a question for Mr Travers.

Travers scowls. His moustache twitches uncontrollably.

Guthrie: You promised me a continuous supply of sandwiches if I assisted with the war effort. You have not delivered on this promise. If a mayoral candidate cannot deliver on his promises, how can he be trusted?

The audience murmurs in disappointment. One man slowly lowers a “TRAVERS 4 MAYOR” sign.

Travers: We gave you all the sandwiches in all of Waldoshire! You are insatiable! Ladies and gentlemen, this man is literally insane… also, he’s a known ally of my opponent.

Guthrie: Mr Travers seems to spend more time attacking and insulting the audience than actually convincing us to vote for him.

Travers: Travers has said nothing of this audience! You are speaking out of turn!

Guthrie: …Excuse me?

Travers: No, you’re not excused. Get the hell out of here! Go on, take a hike!

Barry Scott: Can we get back to the questions, Mr Waldo?

Samuel Waldo: Wha—? Oh. Uh—yes. Yes, right... A Mr. Ben Davis, please.

Mr. Davis: Last year, you were jailed for tax evasion, Mr Travers. But what are you going to do about my taxes? Why should I pay them if you won’t?

Travers: That is an outrageous lie! I was not jailed—

Mr. Davis: You were found guilty.

Travers: A mere tax mishap, for which I paid a modest fine!

Mr. Davis: It was a huge fine.

Travers: You do not get to correct me after speaking out of turn in such a slanderous manner!

Mr. Davis: Yes I can. I’m a taxpayer — it’s my right to hold you accountable.

Travers becomes increasingly flustered and begins sweating profusely.

Travers: This is totally OUT OF TURN! I want that man beaten!

Master Devlin (in the earpiece): Umm… you can’t do that.

Travers: Yes I can! I’m the Mayor — I can do whatever I want! I’m also the Chief of Police! Arrest that man!

The audience stares blankly. 😒🤨

Barry Scott: Well… it looks like Mr. Travers — your mayoral candidate — has lost his mind. Ordering audience members to be beaten or arrested? The man can’t be trusted to run this town. That’s why you should vote for Barry Scott...

Samuel Waldo: Um… ahem. Well, that looks like about all the time we have—

Voice (from the aisle): I have a question...

A quadriplegic Sayuki Sing Kang Waldo rolls down the aisle in her electric wheelchair.

Sayuki: So, husband… when can I expect my alimony payments?

Shelley Unwin: (shouting from the back): I told you he’s a bigamist!

Travers: What?! That—uh—that simply isn’t so! This vile old crone is my wife’s evil grandmother! I don’t owe her a dime! What the hell is this, Sammy?! I’m an Ed-damn national treasure and yet you bring in this openly hostile audience?!

Samuel Waldo: Now, Mr Travers, I’m simply the moderator. I have no control over who’s in the audience, but I am assured this is a balanced representation of the average Widdlington constituent...

Travers: It’s a joke! You’re all alt-front terrorists! That old woman is the widow of one of those fascist skunkbreeds! One of the worst!... You people are going to rue the day you tried to mess with Harris Travers! I’m talking imminent ruage!

****

In the limo, Travers stares into space. Minutes later, the Master silently climbs in and sits across from him, shooting him a furious glare. Mr. Boothe starts the engine and slowly navigates the narrow streets. Eventually, the Master erupts, unleashing his fury.

Master Devlin: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, TRAVERS??? I knew you’d embarrass us all to some extent tonight—it was inevitable—but Jesus Fucking Christ... How am I supposed to control the media when you can’t control yourself, you fucking prick!? You are a fucking disgrace...

The Master holds up his phone, showing an article from the Widdlington Post, complete with a picture of Travers’ drunken mugshot.

WBC BREAKING NEWS: HARRIS TRAVERS HAS MELTDOWN ON STAGE — Mayoral candidate Harris Travers storms off stage during live WTV debate.

Travers: Meltdown is a bit of an exaggeration...

Master Devlin: Oh really? Then what the fuck was that, you stupid cunt??

Travers: I don’t appreciate being sent into an ambush. Had more than enough of that in ‘Nam... Who the hell let those freaks in?

Master Devlin: Don’t give me that crap! And let me tell you something, you’ve got a long way to go if you want to beat Barry Scott...

Travers: The man’s a moron. I shouldn’t have to stoop to his level... They’re all morons!

Master Devlin: Yes, well, they’re also the voters. You wanted this. These are the people you need to win over. You need to sort yourself out. A random man asked about taxes—a standard question we rehearsed—and you proceeded to call for him to be beaten and arrested. Do you have any idea how that looks?

Travers: He slandered me. He was factually wrong. I was just saying what everyone was thinking...

Master Devlin: Details, Travers. The message is the same: you don’t pay taxes, so why should he?

Travers: I don’t care... He spoke out of turn in the most egregious way.

Master Devlin: Shut up and listen to me! This job as mayor means dealing with many people who speak out of turn. You need to keep your cool when these questions come at you. What kind of questions were you expecting? Were you hoping for some little blonde girl to ask, “Oh, umm, Mr. Travers, why is Widdlington the greatest town in the world?”

Travers: No! Well... Maybe I was hoping you might arrange something like that. I deserve it after such a hard week of campaigning... What? Don’t look at me like that.

Master Devlin: You don’t deserve to live, Travers. Never mind be mayor. You’re so fucking stupid. An absolute buffoon... I can’t even...

The Master’s phone buzzes repeatedly. He glances down, distracted.

Master Devlin: Oh shit...

Travers: What is it?

The Master turns the phone around to show him.

WBC BREAKING NEWS: BARRY SCOTT SHOT DEAD — The mayoral candidate was pronounced dead at the scene after being gunned down by a skunkbreed assassin, following the WTV debate.

Master Devlin: Well, looks like you’ll be running unopposed after all...

Season 6 continues in Under Suspicion