The Sickening

The following takes place following: THE MILF vs THE MAYOR

The Master walks into Travers' office. Travers sits with a satisfied grin on his face, reading an issue of Playpen.

Master Devlin: So, Travers... how did dinner with Joyce Summers go?

Travers: Exceptionally well, Master Devlin. Thank you for asking.

Master Devlin: Oh? So you've won her over, then?

Travers: Absolutely. I told you she’d be no match for the Travers charm. She’s quite the enthusiastic lady... got a real good work ethic, if you know what I mean...

Master Devlin: Uh huh...

The Master switches on the TV. WBC News 24 flashes on. A field report shows Joyce Summers speaking to a reporter:

Joyce Summers (clip): "...and then he had the nerve to proposition me—said he’d deal with the alien problem if I gave him an oil change, which I’m fairly certain was some kind of sex thing. I told him there was no way, but he wouldn't take no for an answer, and then he proposed to include my eldest daughter. That’s when I slapped him."

Master Devlin: Exceptionally well, huh?

Travers: Well, it's early days. These things take time. But I think we have a solid foundation on which to build. You can't get discouraged, Master Devlin. That's not how I became mayor.

Master Devlin: No, you became mayor by having me eliminate the competition. Well, congratulations. Not only have you managed to sink your reputation even lower, but you may now have a Slayer coming after you.

Travers: I'm not worried.

Master Devlin: Of course not. That's the problem. So what do you intend to do about your tanking popularity, now that Joyce Summers has publicly humiliated you—again?

Travers: Well, we may have a way of digging up some dirt on her. Might make her reconsider her position.

Master Devlin: Oh? How?

Travers: All in good time, Master Devlin...

Mr Raymond walks in.

Travers: Ah, Mr. Raymond! Perfect timing. How did it go?

Mr Raymond: All set up and ready to go, guv.

Travers: Excellent! Thank you, Mr. Raymond.

Raymond nods and exits.

Travers: Mr. Konrad, the curtain, please!

Konrad sighs, disgusted, and draws a large curtain. Dozens of screens are revealed, showing live spy camera feeds from various locations around town. Many women appear, some in states of undress.

Master Devlin (horrified): Good God.

Travers: Thing of beauty, isn't it?

He rubs his flippers with glee.

Travers: Now let's see what's going on in the Summers residence, shall we? Mr. Boothe!

Boothe picks up a remote and changes the feed to the Summers' household bathroom. It plays on the main screen: Dawn Summers popping zits in the mirror.

Travers: Oh dear... Well, we’ll come back to it later. You know, Master Devlin, there's an AI that scans the live feeds for nudity and automatically records it. Neat, huh?

Master Devlin: Travers... this is, quite frankly, damning.

Travers: Damn impressive?

Master Devlin: No, Travers. This is unethical, immoral... evil and sick. Pure villainy.

Travers: That’s not quite the reaction I was expecting. I thought you'd be impressed. The Council loves to keep tabs on the citizens...

Master Devlin: Is this how you're getting all these women to give you oil changes? It's blackmail, isn’t it? I knew you were a crook and a creep, but this is Harvey Weinstein level shit.

Travers: Nooo, Master Devlin. You're jumping to conclusions. First of all, this is simply research... to better understand my constituents. I have never blackmailed anyone. And I assure you, my success with the ladies is all me, baby! Tell him, Mr. Konrad!

Mr. Konrad (reluctantly): Our mayor may be a voyeuristic pervert, but to my knowledge, he's not coercing anyone. These tapes are for his... personal use.

Master Devlin: "Simple research"? You just implied minutes ago you intended to coerce Joyce Summers! I will not be part of this any longer. Mayor Travers, consider this my resignation effective immediately.

He turns to the others.

Master Devlin: I recommend you all do the same. The Mayor has a sickness... and you should distance yourselves.

Travers: No, Master Devlin! You can't leave! I need you!

Master Devlin: Then destroy this equipment. If this gets out, you'll go to jail as a sex criminal. And do you know what they do to sex criminals in prison? You'll be passed around like a dog toy.

Travers: It was Mr. Boothe and Mr. Raymond who installed them! Posing as city inspectors!

Mr Boothe: Under your instruction, sir...

Master Devlin: Don’t try to pass the buck. You are sick.

Travers: ...Yes, well... perhaps it is as you say. Travers has a sickness. A secret of great shame. This is why we need you! Three weeks with you gone and look what happens—spy cameras, barnacles, prostitutes on the City Council... Please stay! You can destroy the equipment if you want. I can't do it... Just don’t go...

Master Devlin: I can destroy the equipment. But you need psychological evaluation and therapy. This can't continue. Sooner or later, your sleaziness will be exposed.

Travers: Yes, yes, you're right! Absolutely right, Master Devlin. I must get treatment.

He suddenly zones in on a screen where an attractive Councilwoman disrobes.

Travers: Good Lord, look at the pair on Councilwoman Crampton! Mr. Konrad! Bump Mrs. Katherine Crampton up on the to-do list. Right after Ms. Summers.

Devlin grabs Travers’ desk chair and hurls it at the screens. They shatter in a burst of sparks. Travers looks heartbroken.

Master Devlin: There. First step toward salvation. You really need to sort yourself out. You're a walking clusterfuck of a mayor.

Travers: You need to be my sponsor.

Master Devlin: I can't be your sponsor. I'm not a recovering sex addict.

Travers: But... Travers needs help.

Master Devlin: Join Sex Addicts Anonymous then.

Travers: Travers won't be anonymous. Travers is too famous! Someone will go to the press. You can guarantee it. Besides, I've come to rely on you to get me out of jams.

Master Devlin: Wear a beard. Or a hat. But stop relying on me.

Travers: Don’t you see? When you're not around, the problems multiply exponentially!

Master Devlin: Again you're blaming me for your vile behavior.

Travers: It’s not blame. Just stating the facts, Jack.

Devlin grabs Travers by the scruff and dumps him on the other side of the room.

Master Devlin: You stand the fuck right there. Don’t you fucking move.

Master Devlin: GOBLIN SLAYER!?

Goblin Slayer enters.

Goblin Slayer: What?

Master Devlin: I need you to smash all of these remaining screens to bits.

Goblin Slayer: I see...Hrrmm...

Goblin Slayer begins smashing.

Master Devlin: MR. RAYMOND!?

Mr Raymond: Yes, guv?

Master Devlin: I need you and Mr Boothe to incinerate every trace of this equipment—hard drives, tapes, discs, memory cards. Mayor Travers will tell us where his backups are. And he’s an addict, so he will lie.

Travers: ...

Mr Raymond: You got it, guv...

Master Devlin: Excellent. Right. Travers, you're coming with me.

Devlin grabs Travers by the skull and hauls him out of the Citadel.

Season 7 continues in Travers & Other Lies