The Investigation

The Case of Stanbot: Episode 1

The following episode takes place directly following Waldo's Wives, where Master Devlin is dealing with the fallout of the mysterious explosion at the Waldo residence.

Scene 1:

A few hours following the fortuitous explosion at the Waldo residence on the Masters Council grounds, Master Devlin attends the coroner's office.

Coroner: Identifying this one will be challenging, as there’s extensive damage to the head. That said, based on preliminary observations, it appears to be an East Asian female, estimated age between 75 and 85...However, I'm more curious about this one...

The coroner leads Devlin to another body and pulls it from the locker—a mangled corpse resembling something out of John Carpenter's The Thing.

Coroner: I've never seen anything like this before… Of course, it’s been obliterated, but there are no obvious signs of gender or indicators of any recognizable species.

Detective Lieutenant Martin Castillo, who has been standing quietly in the corner, steps forward.

Lt. Castillo: Do you have a cause of death for the woman and this…thing?

Coroner: Massive trauma. After consulting with the fire officer and considering all the bomb-making equipment found at the scene, my best judgment is that this thing accidentally detonated an explosive device, killing itself and the woman, who was lying in bed nearby.

Lt. Castillo: Any chance they were dead before the explosion.

Coroner: I doubt it. This thing was standing directly over the explosive.

Lt. Castillo: I see. Thank you, Doctor...

Castillo turns to the Master and glares at him.

Lt. Castillo: Devlin...Why are you here, anyway?

Master Devlin: Council Business. The explosion occurred on Council grounds....

Lt. Castillo: I'm surprised someone as senior as you would bother with such a formality. They could have sent any bureaucrat down here… Yet you seem to have taken a special interest in this case. Why?

Master Devlin: My pupil, Mr. Waldo, and his wife were the tenants. They had just moved in last week. As far as I knew, they were on holiday. When I heard that two bodies were found in the wreckage, I naturally wanted to make sure neither of them was my pupil or his wife.

Lt. Castillo: I see. I also understand that you witnessed the explosion… You and a… Stanbot Alonzo Ricardo Smith. Did you notice anything suspicious around the house before the blast?

Master Devlin: I came to check on the house and saw a light on upstairs. Then I heard strange grunting noises. At first, I thought Mr. and Mrs. Waldo might have returned early, but the sounds didn’t seem right… more like intruders. I decided to observe from a distance when Stanbot stumbled up behind me—inebriated. Apparently, he’d had one too many at the Council lounge.

Lt. Castillo: Then what happened?

Master Devlin: The house just… exploded.

Lt. Castillo: Did you see anyone flee the area before that?

Master Devlin: No. I was talking to Stanbot when the house blew up. We hit the dirt. A few moments later, Council Elder Master Ron arrived, rambling about an invasion… But he has dementia.

Lt. Castillo: I see. Well, thank you for your time. Here’s my card. If you remember anything else…

Master Devlin: Of course. Thank you, Detective.

Lt. Castillo: Master Devlin. Doctor…

Castillo nods and leaves.

Scene 2:

Later that day, an exhausted Master Devlin sits through a Council meeting with a group of "senior Masters." The endless droning of the elders is testing his patience. He’s barely paying attention when—

Master Dick: Now, onto the next item… the explosion at the Waldo residence. Master Devlin, perhaps you could give us an update? Have the police drawn any conclusions?

Master Devlin: What? Oh, uh… They’ve ruled it as arson by intruders.

Master Bill: And what’s to be done with Widdle Frunkut and the girl? I’m not sure we have the budget to replace the home this year. Are they moving in with you?

Master Devlin: I’m sure we can find them temporary staff accommodation, and the house will be covered by insurance. There’s no need for them to move in with me.

Master Bill: Well now… I’d be more than happy to take the girl in. Hillary won’t mind... Course, the goblin will have to go elsewhere. She won’t want it in the house...

Master Devlin: Thanks but I'm sure that won't be necessary...

Master Devlin leans forward.

Master Devlin: Actually, I have another matter to discuss—Master Ron. Don’t you think it’s about time he retired? He’s completely senile. He wanders the grounds aimlessly, forgetful and confused. Some of the female Masters have even caught him defecating on the floor of the ladies’ lavatory. And on top of that… he’s still clinging to some old-timey racist views.

From the far end of the table, an annoyingly familiar voice speaks up.

"Elder Master": Oh dear...Nooooo, Master Devlin. I'm afraid that once again, it is you who is speaking out of turn. The fact of the matter is that we were hoping to avoid this discussion again and yet, here we are... The fact of the matter is, YOU are Master Ron...Yes I know it's very difficult for you to understand this, but that's your name. Or at least it was, people mostly call you Saso. Except in here, in the Elder chambers, we still humour you and call you Master Devlin, but out there, to everyone else, they just call you Saso...It's just how it's done... It is true that recently there has been reports of someone defecating on the ladie's room floor but we investigated to find out who it was and the witnesses said, and I quote: "SASO, MAN! It was SASO that shit on the floor...Saso, man - Used to be Ron..." Well Master uh... Whatever the hell your name is...Well I just don't know what we're going to do about this...I mean good god, man!

Master Devlin scowls silently at the little moustached goblin at the end of the table as he continues to ramble on. It's none other than "Master" Harris Travers, "national treasure".

"Elder Master": Oh dear… Noooo, Master Devlin. Once again, it is you who is speaking out of turn. *sigh* We were hoping to avoid this difficult discussion, but yet—here we are.

The fact of the matter is… you, Master Devlin, are Master Ron. Yes, I know it’s difficult for you to grasp, but that’s your real name. Or at least, it was. Most people outside just call you Saso these days. Except in here, in the Elder chambers, where we humour you and call you Master Devlin. But out there? To everyone else? You’re just Saso. That’s how it’s done.

Now, as for the incident—yes, it’s true there were reports of someone defecating on the floor of the ladies’ lavatory. So, we investigated. We asked the witnesses. And do you know what they said? And I quote:

"SASO, MAN! It was SASO that shit on the floor!"

Well, Master… whatever the hell your name is… I just don’t know what we’re going to do about this. I mean—good god, man!

Master Devlin scowls silently at the little moustached goblin at the end of the table, still rambling on. Of course, it's none other than "Master" Harris Travers—national treasure.

Travers: I mean, we’ve tried to be accommodating and give you something to do. We even gave you that insane goblin to look after! But most of the time, you just wander around campus aimlessly—making bad smells and talking to yourself.

And don’t think we haven’t noticed your little fugue states.

You’re an embarrassment to the Council! If it weren't for your family name, you'd have been out on your ass a long time ago...However... Maybe you’re right. Maybe it's time for Master Ron to retire. Because it’s just not working out, my friend. It’s not working out at all…

—Travers descends into incoherent muttering, chuckling to himself—

Where was I? Oh, yeah! Maybe it’s time for you to... check... out, Master Devlin! Put you in a little home where they can take care of you… clean up after you when you shit on the floor…

"Hoo! What’s that smell?! SASO, MAN! THAT’S SASO...Used to be Ron!"

Master Jerry: Now look, Master Devlin… Master Travers raises a good point. We’ve been down this road before, haven’t we? We were willing to accept the name change from Ron to Saso. Hell, we embraced it! But now? Now it seems like you’ve gone and created a whole new personality to shift the blame, rather than face the unfortunate reality of your, uh… cognitive decline. We’re here to help you, son. Bring you back to reality.

Master George: Now, uh… let me ask you something, Ron. Did you blow up that house?

Master Devlin: What? Oh, wait—you’re talking to me?

Master George: That’s right. Detective Castillo’s treating this as a suspected murder case, and, well… you are a person of interest.

Master Barry: He’s also requested that you remain on Council grounds until the investigation wraps up. And the insurance company? Well, they’re holding off on the payout until the police determine exactly what caused the explosion.

Master George: So I’m gonna ask you again, my friend—did you have something to do with this? Did you bomb the Waldo residence?

Master Devlin: I'm tired of this. You're taking the advice of Harris Travers. A well known buffoon. Just a weirdo with fake moustaches doing a silly attempt at a Jack Nicholson impression! After all the things I've done for this Council...

Master Jackie: Now hold on there, fella. No need to get all worked up. We’re trying to help you here.

Master Devlin: Travers keeps saying "fact of the matter." But there are no facts when it comes to Travers! I gave you the police report. I gave you the update. Now you’re telling me something completely different. How the hell would you guys even know? You’re just elders! You have no idea what’s really happening out there!

Travers: Nooooo, Master Devlin! Once again, it is you who speaks out of turn! First, by claiming I have no facts, when the fact is—I am the Fact Man! Harris Travers, the Fact Man! Not to mention a national treasure and pillar of the community! Even Mr. Frakes would back me up on this, I’m sure! Hehe…

Detective Castillo has already spoken with us privately. He’s got his suspicions about you, but as a favor to us, he’s letting the Council question you first—before he hauls your sorry ass down to the station! But I told him, “Nooooo, Lt. Castillo! This Council does not air its dirty laundry in public! We will handle it ourselves!” And he just grumbled something like, “hrrmph rassn….”

Master Devlin: SHUT UP, TRAVERS! You don’t even work here! STANBOT! Get in here!

Stanbot hurries into the chamber.

Stanbot: Yes, sir?

Master Devlin: Did you see Master Ron last night?

Stanbot: Yes, sir. He was stumbling around, lost.

Master Devlin: Am I Ron?

Stanbot: No, sir. Of course not… You are Master Devlin.

Travers: My friends, this robit is clearly not a reliable witness! He’s been built in the image of Master Devlin, and the fact of the matter is—

Master Devlin: I don’t have time for this!

Devlin abruptly stands, storms down the table, and rips off Travers’s mustache. The room erupts in gasps.

wF: Oh, hi Masta! What are you doing here? Did you decide to come on holiday too?

Master Jerry: Is that… Widdle Frunkut?

Master Devlin: Yes. This is who’s been poisoning your minds.

Master Dick: Ahem… Well, this is… quite unexpected.

Master Devlin: You’re all bloody fools.

Master Jackie: Now, just a second, pal! While we, the Council, admit to being—er—a little caught off guard by this revelation, the fact is—

Master Devlin: Shut up, Jack. I’m sick of this. There are no facts here! You’ve all been misled.

Master George: There’s still a problem. By your own admission, you and Stanbot were at the scene just before the explosion. Lt. Castillo considers you prime suspects. And in that sense… Master Travers is right. Stanbot’s testimony is worthless.

Master Devlin: Whatever. This is all a farce anyway. This Council needs to be dissolved.

Devlin looks around, fuming.

Master Devlin: Where’s Roger, anyway?

Master Dick: Draco, show the Lieutenant in, please.

Draco opens the door. Detective Castillo steps in, his unblinking stare locking onto Master Devlin, making him slightly uneasy.)

wF: Masta? Where is wife?? Also, where is we? This doesn’t look like Moscow…

Lt. Castillo: What were you and the robot doing outside the house just before the explosion?

Master Devlin: As I explained—we heard sex noises from inside. Waldo and his wife were supposed to be on holiday, so I wanted to investigate.

Lt. Castillo: You mean that Waldo? (gesturing to Widdle Frunkut) You were on holiday?

Master Devlin: That’s right…

wF: Uh huh! Wiffuhuh is on holiday in Moscow! At least that’s what the Masta told us to say…

Lt. Castillo: …

Master Devlin: That’s not—It’s complicated. He isn’t well…

wF: I don’t know where my wife is…

Lt. Castillo: So after the house blew up, you claim this “Master Ron” showed up, lost?

Master Devlin: That’s correct.

Lt. Castillo: Your colleagues tell me you are “Master Ron.”

Master Devlin: They don’t know what they’re talking about! I don’t understand your problem, Castillo. We’ve been through this before—you walk in with accusations and zero evidence!

Lt. Castillo: I haven’t accused anyone. I’ve only asked questions.

Master Devlin: Look… They’re confused old men who don’t know any better. Let me demonstrate what I have to deal with…

Devlin presses the fake moustache to Widdle Frunkut’s upper lip. The Council gasps, murmuring “Travers” in hushed voices.

Master Devlin: You see?

Travers: Yes, that’s my name! Harris Travers, national treasure… Now what is the problem here? Master Devlin, unhand my moustache! What are you doing??

Devlin rips the moustache off again. Widdle Frunkut blinks.

wF: Oh hi, Masta! Where’d you go?? Fugue states?

The Council gasps, whispering among themselves, wondering where Travers keeps disappearing to—suspecting some kind of dark magic.

Master Devlin (to Castillo): You see!?

Lt. Castillo: What the hell is going on here?

Master Devlin: You’re the detective. Figure it out.

Lt. Castillo: I should arrest every single one of you for obstruction. But for now—the robot is under arrest.

He turns to Stanbot, eyes cold.)

Lt. Castillo: Stanbot Alonzo Ricardo Smith, I’m arresting you on suspicion of murder. You do not have to say anything…

A forensic specialist enters, kneels down, and collects a sample from the coolant trail on the floor. Then, with clinical detachment, they take a swab from Stanbot’s bottom. The room is silent.)

Stanbot is cuffed and led away. Master Devlin watches, then quickly follows. Widdle Frunkut scurries after him.)

The story continues in Episode 2: Wafka Station.