Missed Trial, by Fire

The Case of Stanbot: Episode 6

The following takes place immediately following: The Court Summons

Having just woken from his fugue, the Master rushes to the sink, splashing water onto his face. He looks up into the mirror. In the reflection, Mr. Konrad stands in the open doorway, watching curiously.

MD: What do you want?

K: The advocate wishes me to inform you that you missed the trial. Mr. Smith’s case is now in a perilous position. Additionally, his new employee, Miss Shiina, is being flogged as punishment for your failure to attend. Apparently, Mr. Travers’ entire defense rested on your testimony. Do you have a response?

MD: Tell Mr. Travers that if he expects witnesses to attend his trials, he should provide dates and times instead of assuming people will miraculously appear. It’s a simple task—one he is evidently incapable of. He just goes around telling people they speak out of turn. Tell him that.

K: With all due respect, Master, I believe the date and time were included in the documents Ms. Shiina delivered. Nevertheless, I will relay your message verbatim.

Konrad pulls out a pen and notepad, writing deliberately.

K: Ahem. “Master Devlin says Mr. Travers must actually provide dates and times when requiring witnesses and not expect people to just miraculously turn up. This is a very basic task, which Mr. Travers is very much incapable of doing. He merely tells people they speak out of turn.”

MD: Was that really necessary? Can’t you remember a simple message?

K: If it’s all the same, I’d rather not be flogged like my colleagues. I prefer to be thorough.

MD: Very well. And tell him to stop flogging that poor girl—it was his error, not hers. If anyone deserves punishment, it’s him.

K (writing): “...Flog...himself…” Anything else?

MD: No. That will do.

Konrad nods and exits.

Hours later, he returns, holding a thick, old-timey photo album. A paper note is stuck to the cover.

K: Your message was delivered. My employer sent this in return.

The Master rips off the note and reads:

"Nooooo, Master Devlin, it is YOU who is speaking out of turn! I will treat my employees however I please and summon you in whatever manner I see fit. -T."

He tosses it aside and flips through the album. The title: Seventy Shades of Green. Inside, black-and-white pornographic photographs depict Travers and Mayuri in various obscene poses—some involving chains, some involving whips. She appears, at least from the pictures, to be enjoying it.

K: This is a gift from Mr. Travers. For you to keep. Would you like to send a response?

The Master exhales sharply.

MD: Thank you, Mr. Konrad… How could Travers do this to Waldo? This will crush him.

K: I cannot say. Only that my employer is an eccentric man.

MD: Might I ask… are you being paid by Travers? You called him your employer.

K: Not in the traditional sense. Technically, he is my lawyer—if you can call it that. I work for him to delay my own trial. Indefinite postponement.

MD: What are you on trial for?

K: I don’t know. The court never explained.

He turns to the window, staring into the night.

K: Years ago, I was informed that I was an accused man and under arrest. Yet, I was free to move about. I fought it at first, thought it absurd. But eventually, they wore me down. Now, I do as they ask. As long as Mr. Travers speaks favorably of me to the judges, I live a relatively normal life. Others weren’t so lucky. Those who refused to cooperate… were sentenced. They were all killed. Murdered by agents of the court.

A long pause.

K: I don't wish to meet their fate. So, when Mr. Travers asks me to deliver messages, I do it. I jump through whatever hoops he commands in the hope that one day I will be acquitted. That I will be free.

He turns back to the Master.

K: I shouldn't say more, but… Mr. Smith’s trial is not going well. I wouldn’t be surprised if his remains are found soon. I thought I should prepare you for the worst.

Silence.

K: Well? Is there anything else? I would like to go home. I work days at the bank and nights for Mr. Travers. Though, of late, he seems… preoccupied with his new secretary.

MD: I understand. And no, I do not judge you. This legal system is an abomination, and I intend to put a stop to it.

He straightens.

MD: Will you take me to Travers?

Konrad studies him for a moment, then nods.

K: Very well. If you follow me.

****

They ventured into the cold, misty night, their breath visible in the dim glow of the gas lamps. Mr. Konrad led Master Devlin north through the winding streets of Waldobury. The walk wasn’t long—about seven minutes by the master’s estimate—but the thick fog seemed to stretch time, cloaking the streets in an eerie stillness.

At last, they arrived at a compact, three-story building nestled among others in the quaint Waldgate district. The structure exuded understated elegance: a red-brick Victorian office with a veranda, crowned by a mansard roof.

Master Devlin paused, momentarily taken aback. The place seemed uncharacteristically polished—far too classy for such an uncouth scoundrel as Travers, he mused. His gaze caught the sign above the ground floor: Travers & Travers, Attorneys at Law. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. Travers and Travers? Surely, there couldn’t be two of them... Just a flourish for credibility, no doubt.

Mr. Konrad, ever efficient, opened the heavy wooden door and gestured for the master to follow. Together, they stepped inside.

Konrad left Master Devlin alone in the main lounge, disappearing upstairs for a few moments. When he returned, he seemed to have a sense of urgency about him.

Konrad: "Mr. Travers will see you now."

The master nodded and entered the large office he had already seen earlier. Travers was lounging behind his desk, wearing an open shirt that revealed his small vest underneath, sipping on whisky and puffing on a cigar.

Travers: "Hellooooo, Master Devlin... I had a feeling you'd show up. Did you like my gift?"

Master Devlin, now seething, clenched his fists.

MD (furious): "I got your gift, Mr. Travers. Did I enjoy your rape pornography? Not in the slightest. You're a very sick fuck, I must say. I used to think you were just a nuisance, but now? You've gone evil. How could you do that to Widdle Frunkut? Once he sees that, he'll go into a mass-destructive rage."

Travers looked unusually sweaty, causing his fake moustache to slide slightly.

Travers: "Rape? Now wait a minute… Calm down, Master Devlin! There seems to be some misunderstanding..."

The little goblin hurriedly stood from his chair, fastening his trousers.

Travers (flustered): "No, Master Devlin... It’s you who’s speaking out of turn! There’s no rape here! Tell him, Miss Shiina!"

A topless Mayuri suddenly popped up from under the desk and rushed toward the master, an innocent smile on her face.

Mayuri: "Hi, Senpai Stan! What are you doing here?"

MD (confused): "Um..."

Travers: "The master seems to think I'm harming you... That I'm holding you here against your will!"

Mayuri (laughing): "Oh no, Senpai! It’s not like that at all!"

Travers hit a button under his desk, and a mini panic room emerged from the wall, surrounding him in an unbreakable glass box.

Travers (adjusting his moustache and pulling up his trousers): "I will not have you lay a hand on me, Master Devlin! Not again! Now, just relax and let us talk this through..."

MD (disbelieving): "You... You're in love?"

Mayuri, standing beside the master in a state of undress, gazed lovingly at Travers, completely unfazed.

Mayuri: "It’s true, Senpai Stan! Travers-san and I... We’re in love 🥰 And we’re getting married! For real married! In a church and everything! Travers-san showed me the legal documents. No other hidden wives!"

Master Devlin, still reeling, was at a loss for words.

MD: "Oh..."

Mayuri (gleaming): "Senpai Stan... would you walk me down the aisle? Give me away? It would mean so much to me!"

MD (hesitant): "Oh… um... I'm not sure what to..."

The master awkwardly tried to drape his jacket around Mayuri to shield her modesty.

Mayuri (smiling): "Oh, thank you, Senpai, but I'm not cold. Besides, this is the correct dress code here."

MD (scowling at Travers): "Is it now?"

Travers gave him a sleazy grin, clearly enjoying the spectacle.

MD: "Mayuri... are you sure you're happy?"

Mayuri: "Oh, yes! Travers-san is wonderful!"

MD (gritting his teeth): "Well, fortunately, you don't need to get divorced from Widdle Frunkut, I suppose, as technically you were never married... Not legitimately."

Mayuri (nodding): "Yes! The one good thing to come from the deceit!"

Travers (grinning widely): "You see! Nothing untoward here... Sure, you might not approve of the dress code, but Miss Shiina dresses willingly. As with any other services she may provide her employer..."

Ignoring Travers, the master turned to Mayuri, his voice quieter.

MD: "Of course, I would be honored to walk you down the aisle, but I’m afraid my loyalty to Widdle Frunkut is hindering my decision."

Mayuri (gently): "I understand. I don’t wish to come between you and Gobberin-san."

Master Devlin sighed, torn.

MD: "Then again... I suppose it’s a one-sided loyalty. Waldo wouldn't think twice about betraying me.

Mayuri: Well... I’m not sure he means to. He’s expressed regret before, to me, in private. I think he’s not well. But I just couldn’t stand the lies anymore. I was willing to give him a second chance after the wives revelation... But then I caught him stealing at the bus station. He was pocketing fake moustaches from a man’s stall. I confronted him. He knows I hate theft. Yet he lied to my face. Claimed he didn’t remember taking anything. I told him there and then, it was over..."

The master glanced at Travers, who was still looking smug in his glass box. He then noticed an open box of fake moustaches on the desk.

MD: "I see..."

Mayuri: "A few minutes later, I bumped into Travers-san! Can you believe that?"

MD: "Hmm. Actually, I can believe it."

Mayuri (gazing at Travers): "I didn’t expect to date so soon, but he was so charming 🥰 I guess he reminded me of Gobberin-san, but such a thick, well-trimmed moustache! And a full head of hair! He offered me a job as a secretary..."

Travers: "And we fell in love..."

Mayuri (dreamily): "I hope Gobberin-san learns to be truthful. And meets someone special like I did. It just wasn’t meant to be for us. Will you explain it to him? And I know it’s difficult, but I’d really love for you to be at the wedding, if you can come around to it."

Travers (enthusiastically): "As would I... A chance for a fresh start, the joining of families through matrimony! You’re like a father to the girl after all. Or some kind of triangular-looking uncle. The wedding’s in two weeks at Waldobury Cathedral. The Archbishop himself is performing the ceremony. A friend of mine."

MD (resigned): "Very well. I shall attend. Oh, and Travers..."

The master glanced pointedly at Travers' still-sliding moustache.

MD: "Secure that moustache."

****

Mr. Konrad showed Master Devlin to the front door and nodded a quiet goodbye as the master stepped back into the misty night.

As Master Devlin walked down the narrow, cobblestone street, a sudden realization struck him—he had completely forgotten to ask Travers about Stanbot, the entire reason for his visit.

He paused, considering heading back, but before he could make a decision, a curious, oriental-sounding tune caught his ear. The melody, played on a flute, seemed to pull at him. Mesmerized, he followed the sound into a nearby alley, his steps slow and deliberate, as though in a trance.

Through the fog, he saw a short, shadowy figure. As he drew closer, recognition struck him—a short, stumpy Japanese woman dressed in black, playing a Shakuhachi. He gasped.

MD: "Sing Kang?"

Just as he was about to confront her, the sound of liquid splashing on the ground distracted him. Whirling around, he caught only a brief glimpse of his attacker. Skunk V.

Before he could react, Skunk V slammed the butt of an M16 into his snout, and everything plunged into darkness.

****

The Master regains consciousness some time later.

He is sitting in a large, dimly lit living room, chained to a chair. A fire-retardant muzzle is strapped tightly to his face. The room is dark and lifeless. From the faint glow of city lights beyond the window, he recognizes the location—one of the old mansions in Waldobury Heights. He remembers it had been abandoned for some time.

His last clear memory is of Skunk V and Sing Kang ambushing him. But how could this be?

MD: What is the meaning of this?

A haunting shakuhachi melody starts playing again, accompanied by the sound of approaching footsteps—one light, one heavy. Sayuki steps into view, followed closely by a hulking Japanese man with the build of a sumo wrestler.

Sayuki: Ah, Saso-san. You’re awake! This is my associate, Gary... He was kind enough to carry you here.

MD: Sayuki... I thought you were dead. Heard you got caught up in a house explosion.

S: I’m sure you did.

MD: That’s what the coroner said.

S: Oh, and I’m sure you knew nothing else about it? No more ries. We knew all about your pran...

MD: What plan?

S: To get rid of us. The gas exprosion.

MD: If you’re here, then where’s the Skunk?

S: He wir join us shortree.

MD: So... my plan to kill you? What exactly would I have to gain from that?

S: Prease... I suspected that fool of a husband would turn to you, so I had Otto plant a bug on the robot. It was a weaveru named Rigeru. He heard the whole thing. Blow up the cottage with us inside. Make it rook rike an accident. Arr to pay a debt to my foolish husband. Very disappointing, Saso-san.

MD: If that’s the case, why come after me? Why not Waldo?

S: In due time... First, I must get what he owes me. Then he may go. Must sort out this marriage mess.

MD: What does he owe you?

S: None of your concern.

MD: Well, it is—we’re down one cottage.

S: You just try and jew me out of my inheritance.

MD: Inheritance? Who died?

S: After I get my money, I wir be taking granddaughter’s body for my own. Her youth and good rooks... wasted on her.

The Master bursts into laughter before he can stop himself.

S: You raff, but I am quite serious... I have an understanding with ancient Japanese demon. He wir do a sperru to transfer my mind into her body. Like, uh... Freakuru Friday? Boy Giru thing? You know the trope... Your Name! Derightful body-swapping anime firm...

MD: Uh-huh... Sure. Whatever.

S: I must ask one thing... The robot who conspired with you... who failed to murder us... Where is he?

MD: The robot? I don’t know. Thought perhaps you might have him... By the way, tell me this—who did the bodies in the explosion belong to?

S: Some random old woman—a runch rady from Rittre Akiba named Doris, and a crude creature constructed out of sticks, fish, bubbruegum, and ruv... We reft the bodies there, then Otto destroyed the house. He has become quite proficient with exprosives... He brew up cottage. Then we watch you scramburu...

MD: I see... Hmmph. Useless coroner.

S: So you do not know the rocation of the robot?

MD: No. I’ve been looking for him myself.

S: Unfortunate... Then his end wir have to wait.

MD: Why do you care about him? He did nothing to you.

S: Revenge is not always rational, Saso-san... OTTO!

Skunk V enters, carrying what appears to be an IED. He begins programming a seven-minute timer.

S: And now we must take our reave... You have seven minutes to think about your rife choices. Then you die. The Skunk makes a wet, slushing noise, spilling more fluids from his grotesque face onto the floor.

S: Goodbye, Saso-san.

MD: Bye.

S: Otto, Gary... Ret’s go.

The Master struggles against his restraints, but the chains are too strong—even for him.

MD: Well, this is a real pickle...

As the timer ticks below two minutes, the Master begins to feel a pang of alarm. Suddenly, the front door crashes open. Two burly men charge in, followed by a third. Mr. Boothe and Mr. Raymond lead the way, with Mr. Konrad close behind. Finally, Mr. Travers strides in, cool and confident, a cigar smoldering between his fingers.

T: Hellooo, Master Devlin. Well, well, well... You seem to be in a spot of bother. Have you been speaking out of turn again?

MD: ...It would appear so.

T: Well, despite our somewhat adversarial relationship, Master Devlin, I can’t possibly allow this bomb to go off in your face. After all, who else am I going to tell that they’re speaking out of turn? Also, I suppose you’re about to become my defacto father-in-law very soon. So let’s get you out of here, shall we? Mr. Raymond, the chain, if you please...

Mr. Raymond sets to work with a bolt cutter. With Mr. Boothe’s help, the Master is freed and swiftly carried outside to a waiting Lincoln Town Car. Travers and Konrad walk alongside.

Behind them, the mansion erupts into a fiery explosion. Everyone dives for cover—except for Travers, who stands motionless, unfazed. Master Devlin looks up to see fire raining from the sky... and a very smug little goblin smirking at him.

T: Well now. Looks like we came just in time, Master Devlin.

MD: Yes, quite... Um... Thank you. How did you find me?

T: Well, seeing as you are to be a VIP at my wedding, I thought it prudent to keep tabs on you. I asked Mr. Konrad to tail you. Mr. Konrad then returned to tell me you had been kidnapped by a sumo wrestler, an old woman, and some sort of swamp creature... and taken to this lovely mansion. I thought it best we come and rescue you.

You seem to have some curious enemies, Master Devlin...

MD: Indeed. You don’t know the half of it.

T: Well, I think it’s best if you come back to my home for now. You can explain on the car ride home.

MD: Hrmm... Fine.

****

The Master reluctantly agreed to return to Travers' home to lay low while deciding his next move.

As they drove back to Travers' office-slash-residence in the town car, the Master recounted the events at the mansion, carefully omitting certain details about the cottage explosion. Travers listened intently sipped from a silver flask.

Upon arrival, they stepped into the lobby, where Mayuri sat behind her reception desk, chatting on the phone. With her hair neatly tied up and her stylish glasses perched on her nose, she looked the picture of professionalism—aside from one glaring omission. She was still without a blouse, or any kind of top, her breasts proudly on display at the front desk.

M: No, I'm sorry, Travers-san is not available at the moment. Can I take a... SENPAI-STAN!

She squealed with joy, tossed the phone aside, and leaped from her chair. In an instant, she was embracing the Master, who stiffened awkwardly, his face flushing red. M: I was so worried when Mr. Konrad said you were kidnapped!

Then, just as quickly, she turned to Travers, sweeping him into an embrace and pressing his face directly into her ample chest.

M: My hero!

Travers, positioned at just the right height, did not resist. He burrowed in deeper, muffling his response against her skin. The Master, at a loss for words, simply stood there. It had been a very strange few days indeed—first receiving a pornographic photo album starring Travers and Mayuri, then discovering their impending marriage, then being kidnapped by Sing Kang and Skunk V (who were supposed to be dead), and now, finally, witnessing Travers motorboat his best friend and hetero-lifemate's fiancée right in front of him.

Travers eventually resurfaced, his mustache barely clinging to his face.

T: It’s true, my love—your fiancé and employer is not only a national treasure but also a national hero! Let us celebrate! Mr. Konrad, party mode, if you please!

With a silent nod, Konrad flipped a switch by the door. Instantly, the lobby lights dimmed, replaced by pulsing red hues and sporadic strobes from unseen sources. The air filled with a pounding, sleazy beat—the unmistakable Pink Room track from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me.

Then, without fanfare, a door opened. Four heavily made-up streetwalkers strutted into the lobby, peeling off their clothes as they approached. Mr. Boothe and Mr. Raymond greeted them with beers, and within moments, the festivities escalated—cocaine dusted across bodies, whispered exchanges of cash and laughter, the faint sound of Mayuri disappearing under the desk. Travers, now seated in her chair, swirled a bottle of whiskey, looking thoroughly at home.

Konrad remained by the door, staring blankly into space.

The Master stood amidst the chaos, his stomach turning. Something felt off. The Waldoverse was always strange, but this? This was different. A creeping sensation ran down his spine—an uncanny, artificial kind of sleaziness. His mind drifted back to a familiar suspicion.

The Editor.

Last time he was around, the Waldoverse had gone "Woke and Weird." Now it had shifted to something else—something sleazy and weird. It was like he had wandered into a depraved, psycho-noir fever dream.

And then he saw it—Travers’ mustache twitching as Mayuri continued her work under the desk. That was the limit.

MD: I will take my leave now.

T: Noooo, Master Devlin. Don’t be ridiculous. You should stay where it’s safe. Here, have some cocaine—

MD: Goodbye.

Without another word, the Master turned and walked out the door.

The story continues in Stanbot Who?