The Tower of Walgoth Episode 1
The following takes place following: Voting?
It was one week on from the shocking result of the referendum in which the decision to move from an imperial dictatorship to a democratic, constitutional monarchy was won by a literal coin toss.
Of the 37% who had actually voted, the population were bitterly divided and still split straight down the middle, according to a recent poll. The ardent imperialists were livid that Kaiserin Mayuri had surrendered the stability of the empire with a mere flip of a coin, and many spent their days loudly protesting across the land, calling for a second referendum to overturn the vote for democracy and return to the blissful certainty of having the Empress as sole ruler. The fact that she herself had championed democratic reform was, apparently, beside the point.
Suddenly, everyone was trying to reinterpret the referendum results to suit their own agenda. The terms “hard democracy” and “soft democracy” seemed to appear overnight, leading to vicious squabbling in the media as the NO side were accused of trying to water down the meaning of the referendum. The YES side were accused of having effectively destroyed the nation, and that collapse was imminent unless measures were taken to mitigate the damage of allowing Joe Public to have a say.
There were even numerous legal challenges against the result — ranging from the argument that it was illegitimate due to the fact less than 20% of the public had actually voted YES to change the entire system, to a civil suit against the Masters Council after the Waldoverse Inquisitor released a video of Master Devlin speaking to a storm cloud from his office window, mere moments before the coin went from resting on its side to landing on heads. Some argued this was a form of divine electoral interference, claiming that the elusive, supposed deity known as the “Co-Editor” had triggered the tremor that decided the toss. The Masters Council responded by officially designating the Inquisitor as a fake news organisation.
The Empress was preparing to transition to the new role of Queen, and it was now officially election season. Across the land, various factions scrambled to form parties and select candidates, each hoping to secure a place in the brand-new Parliament on election day — set for the eighth of August, in the Year of Our Ed, Two Thousand and Twenty-Four.
Harris Travers was also working hard on his bid to become an MP, from the comfort of his Waldopolis Chronicle office, while half the staff were out canvassing for him rather than running the newspaper.
Sitting with his feet up on the desk and smoking his cigar, he shakes his head at the clock in frustration.
Travers: "What's taking them so long, Master Devlin?"
Master Devlin: "They have a lot of houses to visit. Just be patient."
Travers: "But I want to see all the people who are going to vote Travers!"
Master Devlin: "I wouldn't get your hopes up."
Travers: "Master Devlin, you are speaking out of turn. This is no place for pessimism."
Eventually, five staff members emerge from the lift and step onto the main floor, including Brian Cavendish and Ermintrude Maine-Anjou. Brian looks disheveled, as if he'd been roughed up. Travers stands on his desk and waves at them.
Travers: "Ermintrude!"
She steps into his office.
Travers: "Good, it's about time! Now tell me, how many votes for Travers?"
Ermintrude clears her throat and looks at her notes.
Ermintrude: "Well, um… we visited a combined total of 285 households, chatting with the residents for about five to ten minutes each…"
Travers: "Yes, yes. And?? How many of them are voting Travers? Two hundred? Two-twenty maybe?"
Ermintrude: "Um… not quite."
Travers: "What do you mean, not quite? How many?? One-eighty? One-seventy-five?"
Ermintrude: "Well…"
Travers: "Ermintrude, my dear, I'm not going to be mad. You can give it to me straight…"
Ermintrude: "Thirty-Three."
Travers: "Thirty-Three?? As in Three Three??"
Ermintrude nods.
Travers: "You mean to tell me you visited 285 homes, and only 33 expressed support for Travers???"
Ermintrude: "I'm afraid so… we did our best but—"
Travers: "This is completely out of turn! Let me see the numbers!"
Ermintrude hands Travers her notepad.
Ermintrude: "58 households — 16 Yes."
Debbie: "55 households — 10 Yes."
Helen: "41 households — 5 Yes."
David: "63 households — 2 Yes."
Brian: "68 households — 0 Yes."
Travers: "KYLE!!! GET IN HERE!!"
Brian cautiously steps into the office, nursing a bruised face and looking exhausted.
Brian: "Yes, sir?"
Travers: "Care to explain to me how you managed to visit 68 homes and didn't get a single vote for Travers??"
Brian: "I'm sorry, sir, I tried, but… the fact is… you’re not very popular…"
Travers: "Excuse me?"
Brian: "I’m not really sure how, but most people hadn’t even heard of you. And the ones who had… well, they didn’t like you. At all. Some were quite aggressive about it — one man threw a shoe at me, and a woman chased me down the street with a tennis racket."
Brian rubs his aching jaw. Travers is fuming and doesn’t even notice.
Ermintrude, feeling the need to defend her colleague, jumps in.
Ermintrude: "I’m sorry to say, but I heard a lot of the same, Mr Travers. Especially from women."
Travers: "I find that very hard to believe! Well then, what about you, Ermintrude? With 16 yeses, you were the most successful, but it was still not a great result… Who were the ones who said yes?"
Ermintrude: "They were mostly men."
Travers: "Well, I suppose my efforts to appeal to the working man have paid off to some extent, I guess."
Ermintrude: "Actually, most of them hadn’t heard of you either. But they were very nice to me… In fact a lot of them suggested that I run instead."
The Master sniggers.
Travers: "I see… I think I know what’s going on here… But I’m very disappointed. Especially with you, Kyle! Get out. Go clean yourself up… You look like a mess…"
Brian nods and backs out of the office.
Travers: "Well, my dear, clearly you are my MVP, but we still have some work to do. I think we need to go for a low-cut top next time… Or better yet, how’d you feel about canvassing topless?"
Ermintrude: "Um…"
Master Devlin: "No, Travers… that’s enough! Ermintrude, would you excuse us, please?"
Ermintrude nods her head and steps out.
Travers: "Master Devlin, how dare you speak out of turn like that?"
Master Devlin: "I’m putting an end to this. Having Ermintrude doing Page 3 is one thing — that’s her choice — but I’m not having you whoring her out on the street for votes…"
Travers: "I don’t like it either, Master Devlin, but politics is a dirty business. And needs must! It’s for the good of the nation… Besides, she can handle herself."
Master Devlin: "No, Travers!"
Travers: "Hrrmm. Fine. Well, then perhaps we should send Mr Raymond out to canvas for votes. I’m sure he can be persuasive."
Master Devlin: "You want to win votes by threatening the electorate with violence?"
Travers: "Those are your words, not mine…"
Master Devlin: "Travers… forget it. No one is going to vote for you. It was only eight months ago that you were a tyrant. The ones that remember you won’t like you, and the ones who don’t remember you will just see this strange little goblin man speaking out of turn."
Travers: "I admit it wasn’t a great result, but it’s not that bad! I mean — 33 yes votes out of 280 something… that’s like, what? 33 percent? Governments have been formed on much worse..."
Master Devlin: "No, Travers. 33 out of 285 is 11.5 percent. Barely double digits."
Travers: "Oh... Still… double digits. A solid foundation we can build on..."
Master Devlin: "Face it. It’s over. You’re not becoming an MP — not this time anyway. Maybe in the future you could think about running, but there’s no way you’re going to convince enough people in the next couple of weeks. You're just burning money and abusing your staff for no gain."
Travers looks around, slightly deflated. Then, after a few moments, he shakes his head and frowns.
Travers: "No, Master Devlin. It is you who is speaking out of turn. You go ahead and be a negative Nancy if you want, but don’t try to take Travers down with you…"
Travers picks up the TV remote control and turns on the TV.
Travers: "I’ll tell you the problem… we need better staff. It’s time we get Kyle back — the good one. He’ll know how to fix this funk we’re in…"
Master Devlin: "Umm… Travers… about that…"
Travers: "What is it now?"
The Master points to the TV. Kyle Konrad is giving an interview to the press.
Travers: 😟
Travers’s cigar falls out of his mouth as he frantically turns up the volume.
Kyle Konrad: "…It’s my aim to bring some justice and accountability to the government. Under the Justice Party, we will challenge corrupt officials, shadow legal systems, and unelected bureaucrats. People are tired of living in this nightmarish dystopia that sounds like some sort of Kafkaesque fan fiction… It’s time we stood and said no more…"
Annie Wallaby: "WTV News. Some would say that, as the former aide to the former mayor and unelected tyrant Harris Travers, you are part of the problem. How would you respond to such criticism?"
Kyle Konrad: "It’s a fair point… However, I would say that although I was the former mayor’s personal assistant, I had no actual power to rein him in, despite my best efforts. The fact is that Mr Travers was a mentally ill little goblin who acted out of turn."
Travers: 😡
Kyle Konrad: "…A goblin that found himself in a position of unchecked power due to the very broken and corrupt system that I’m attempting to challenge…"
Travers throws his whisky bottle at the TV, smashing it.
Travers: "That son of a bitch!! Justice Party?? More like Judas Party! How could he?? After all I’ve done for him… He was my protégé!"
Master Devlin: "I’m sure he learned a lot from you on how not to run a city, so he might not be a bad choice."
Travers: "Out of turn! He’s too young to be out on his own! It isn’t right."
Master Devlin: "Isn’t he like 40 or something?"
Travers: "Exactly! I still have a much to teach him. Instead, he throws Travers under the bus. Inconceivable!"
Master Devlin: "You were pretty awful to him, to be fair."
Travers: "Tough love! You don’t make a man by treating him with kid gloves… My old man was awful to me too… look at me now! The success story and national treasure you see before you."
Master Devlin: "Tough love? Making a man? You wouldn’t pay him, kept him onboard through blackmail, made him do awful things, made him observe your oil changes and your… personal time. Am I missing anything?"
Travers: "You’re forgetting the fact that that was Past Travers… The character has evolved since then. I was a mere recurring side character then. Now I am the star of the show. Plus — reformed!"
Master Devlin: "…"
Travers (sighs): "Well, I think you’re probably right about one thing… with that Judas out there running against me, it’s probably the final nail in the coffin for my political ambitions… I should’ve voted NO after all…"
Master Devlin: "Well, it’s done now. You’ll just have to live with Kyle Konrad potentially becoming PM."
Travers: "Hrmmm. You know, what? I’m sick of politics. I think I need a vacation…"
Master Devlin: "I was thinking of taking one too. Spending some time at Devlin Manor. Would you like to come?"
Travers: "Sure! Some time by the lake will do Travers some good."
Master Devlin: "Very well. Pack your suitcase."
Travers pulls out a tiny suitcase and starts loading it with booze, cigars, and Playpen magazines.
Travers: "Ermintrude!"
Ermintrude walks in.
Ermintrude: "Yes, Mr Travers?"
Travers: "Forget the canvassing. I’m quitting politics while I’m still undefeated."
Ermintrude: "Oh, okay. I’ll tell the others… Brian will be relieved."
Travers: "Who?? Never mind, I don’t care. Master Devlin and I are going on vacation at Devlin Manor in the country for a few weeks. You’re in charge. Acting Editor."
Ermintrude: "Me??"
Travers: "Absolutely. But I still expect to see you on Page 3 at least once a week. Don’t forget your duties…"
Ermintrude: "I will. I mean… thank you, Mr Travers! I won’t let you down…"
Travers: "Good. Well, Master Devlin, shall we go?"
Master Devlin: "Hop on."
Travers grabs his suitcase and climbs on the Master’s back. The Master spreads his wings and flies straight through the office window. Travers looks back at Ermintrude, who is waving from the trashed window.
Travers: "Such unnecessary destruction…"
Master Devlin: "Sorry about that... Force of habit. Helen will clean it up…"
They fly west across the city, heading for the country. Some Chinese tourists passing by in a Widdlington airship start snapping photographs of them.
****
The Master and Travers land in the grounds of Devlin Manor. Travers tumbles off, landing in a heap. The Master turns to look at him. Travers’ hair is wild, his face smeared with dead bugs, and a small bird is caught in his moustache.
Master Devlin: “Oh dear, Travers… how come I look very grand and presentable after a flight, whereas you look as though you’ve been dragged through a crop field?”
Travers: “Travers don’t fly well. Not since I was shot down over the Gulf in Desert Storm. I got PTSD, if you must know! Besides, you look neat because you’ve got no hair at all! Bald as a newborn babe… yet all scaly and leathery as a geriatric…”
Master Devlin: “Yes, quite. Anyway—welcome to Devlin Manor.”
Travers: “Thank you! It’s quite an honor to be invited to stay at this site of historical and Waldonian cultural significance. It sure looks grand. And what a view! You’ve got the lake, the mountains… the town down there… and that magnificent tower over yonder…
I had long thought of making a pilgrimage to the holy tower of Walgoth… but Widdlington keeps Travers busy. And—who is that handsome fellow approaching? The groundskeeper?”
A tiny old man with a bushy beard, a hat, and a sickly green English complexion approaches them, carrying gardening tools.
Old Man: “As I live and breathe… Master Devlin? Is that you? Thank the editor—you’ve returned to us!”
The Master frowns. Without a word, he violently grabs the groundskeeper by the scruff and rips off his hat and beard, revealing Widdle Frunkut.
Travers: “Wally??”
wF: “Hey there, party men… hehe… yousa takin’ a trip to the country without us? No matter… we is here now… always, always here!”
Without a word, the Master punts Waldo like a football, sending him flying a mile across the land until he crashes into the lake.
The Master turns to Travers.
Master Devlin: “Well, now that that’s taken care of, let’s go in, shall we? I’ll have Mavis make up a room for you, and you can help me decorate. The place could use a freshening up.”
They both head up to the front door.
The Waldoverse continues in The Tower of Walgoth Episode 2