Reg Van Der Beak

Overview

Reginald Harvey Van Der Beak, commonly known as Reg or “The Bird,” is a dictabird and a recurring villain in the Waldoverse.

Physical Description

In his natural state, Reg appears as a dictabird — a short, stocky prehistoric bird about two feet tall. He has green and white plumage and a large horn on the top of his head. Despite fairly large wings, he cannot actually fly and, due to his short, stumpy legs, usually moves by hopping, though he is often carried.

Classic Reg

Reg has undergone a number of physical transformations during his time in the Waldoverse. During the McMurdo arc, he reappeared as a disgustingly veiny, roided-out jock with grotesquely oversized muscles, allegedly the result of nanomachines. He was later beaten into paste and apparently died.

Some time later, he returned as a “transhuman” under the alias Dr. Evangeline Drabak. In this form he appeared as an adult human female with short brown hair, glasses, average height, and a slightly plump build, with several notable facial scars supposedly from a car accident. The circumstances under which Reg became “Eva” were never made clear, though—as with the roid-raging Reg—it was implied the Editor was responsible.

Over time, particularly during the Nilbog arc, Reg/Eva gradually began to morph into a more birdlike form, developing sparse feathers and a beak and becoming a bizarre human–avian hybrid.

In recent times he has returned to his original dictabird form without explanation, most likely once again the will of Ed.

Early Life and Ownership

Reg was originally owned by the goblin Widdle Frunkut, who treated him as little more than office equipment. This cruel and abusive relationship defined much of Reg’s early life. Despite this, Reg remained loyal to wF for far longer than one might reasonably expect.

Reg’s life took a significant turn after a particularly severe beating from Widdle Frunkut. He was taken in by Master Devlin, a senior member of the Masters Council, who assigned him to work in the Council’s library. Unlike wF, Devlin treated Reg with kindness and respect, allowing the bird to experience a sense of dignity and worth for the first time. During this period Reg also formed a close friendship with Stanbot 1.0.

This relatively peaceful time ended with a brutal Lutin attack and the bewitchment of wF, which resulted in the mass poisoning and deaths of many Masters. In a fit of rage, Devlin violently assaulted wF, killed his great-uncle, and destroyed his places of business. The episode deeply disturbed Reg, as did the severe security measures the Council implemented afterwards. Disillusioned with Devlin and believing the Council had become “fascist brutes,” Reg chose to leave, marking the beginning of a long and bitter feud between the two.

While Devlin and wF were imprisoned together for a time, Reg seized the opportunity. Through cunning and manipulation he infiltrated Widdlington’s leadership and ultimately declared himself ruler, transforming the town into the totalitarian state of Birdonia. He was eventually overthrown by Devlin, wF, and their allies and imprisoned, but Harris Travers successfully represented him in court and had the charges dismissed on a technicality. Enraged, Devlin sought revenge but was unable to track him down.

Later, Devlin began to suspect that wF had actually been the mastermind behind the Birdonia affair. When his new pupil, Hugo, managed to capture Reg, the bird confirmed this. Devlin ultimately buried the hatchet and brought Reg back into the fold, first at the Masters Council and later at Masterbase. Though outwardly cooperative, Reg clearly continued to harbour resentment—particularly during Devlin’s frequent public blasphemies against Ed Almighty.

At some point while Devlin was in a fugue state, Ed apparently granted Reg the power he had long craved. Reg was transported to McMurdo Station in Antarctica and pumped full of nanomachines, transforming him into a massively muscular form. Soon afterwards he killed a cosmic entity unearthed from the ice that had been preying on the station’s scientists, who then declared him king of a new Birdonia. When Devlin, wF, and other Waldoverse regulars later arrived at McMurdo for a seminar, a riot erupted over new “woke Waldoverse policies,” leading to the destruction of Birdonia 2.0 and the apparent death of Reg.

Reg later returned from the grave, now somehow transformed into the human form of Dr. Evangeline Drabak, claiming to be a professor of parapsychology at Widdlington University. In this guise he tricked Devlin and wF into helping him locate the Amulet of Ahzidal, an ancient Nordic dragon priest and early Master. After retrieving the artefact, “Eva” summoned the murderous Lutin Delacroix Vincent and attempted to trap Devlin and wF in the underground tomb.

Dr. Evangeline Drabak

Reg resurfaced again during the Nilbog Crisis, having used the amulet and his alliance with Vincent to summon an ancient entity known as Nilbog, plunging Waldonia into darkness and unleashing demonic forces across the land. By this time Reg had begun partially reverting to his avian form, becoming a strange human–bird hybrid. Declaring himself ruler of the new Waldonia under the title Pharaoh Khufu Van Der Beak, he enslaved large portions of the population—though in practice the land was divided among competing warlords.

Master Devlin ultimately led an army against him. Reg’s forces were defeated, Devlin shot off one of his legs for good measure, and with the destruction of the amulet and the departure of Vincent, Widdlington returned to normal. Reg was sentenced to life imprisonment at Waldgate Maximum Security Penitentiary.

A few years later, however, he was released and pardoned by President Harris Travers after the administration was blackmailed by the ACPP. Reg subsequently served as a temporary adviser to the Waldhouse. His current whereabouts are unknown.

Personality

Reg’s personality has shifted considerably over time, often reflecting the circumstances or forms he finds himself in. In his early appearances he was generally polite, humble, and dutiful, displaying a dry and occasionally sarcastic wit despite years of mistreatment under Widdle Frunkut. During his time with the Masters Council he appeared loyal and eager to please, particularly toward Master Devlin, whom he initially regarded as a benefactor.

Pharaoh Khufu Reg

However, later events revealed a far more ambitious and resentful side. Reg proved to be deeply power-hungry and prone to grandiose delusions once given even modest authority, most clearly demonstrated during the Birdonia episodes and later crises where he declared himself ruler under various titles.

Reg is also intensely pious. His devotion to Ed Almighty borders on fanaticism, and he has been known to react violently when confronted with what he perceives as blasphemy.

Certain incarnations exaggerated different aspects of his personality. During his nanomachine-enhanced “roid” phase he behaved like an aggressive, swaggering jock, while later forms displayed increasingly predatory and manipulative tendencies in both political and personal matters.

Notable Relationships

• Widdle Frunkut: Reg’s original owner. wF treated him as little more than office equipment and frequently abused him, often simply to provoke a reaction from Master Devlin.

• Master Devlin: Widdle Frunkut’s Master. Initially Reg’s saviour and benefactor, Devlin gave him work in the Masters Council library and treated him with a level of dignity he had never known. Their relationship later collapsed after Reg objected to Devlin’s brutal retaliation against wF. Devlin viewed Reg’s reaction as a betrayal and dismissed him, an event that helped begin Reg’s descent into villainy.

• Stanbot 1.0: Reg’s first real friend. The two worked together in the library and got along well, but their relationship never fully recovered after Stanbot sided with Devlin during Reg’s break with the Council.

• Stanbot 2.0: Unlike his predecessor, Stanbot 2.0 immediately treated Reg with hostility, while Reg viewed him as a threat to his authority during the future arc. After Reg fully embraced his villainous role, he developed a perverse fascination with Stanbot 2.0 and kept him captive as a sex slave for extended periods, leaving the robot deeply traumatised. They have a toy robot "child" together.

• Harris Travers: Reg’s sleazy former lawyer. Travers initially represented him after the first Birdonia incident and helped secure his release from prison. Their relationship later became murky; Travers may have been unknowingly involved in a transactional sexual relationship with Reg while he was posing as Dr. Evangeline Drabak. Years later, Reg used his influence within the ACPP to blackmail President Travers into granting him a pardon.

• Ed: The Editor. God Almighty of the Waldoverse, to whom Reg is loyal. This loyalty has occasionally been rewarded with power and even resurrection.

• Delacroix Vincent: A villainous Lutin who later became Reg’s ally, assisting him in the events leading up to the Nilbog Crisis.