Negotiations & Reunions

The following takes place following: Goblin Slayer on Campus

The Master and Ermintrude head out of the council grounds and cross the street to try to talk to Goblin Slayer.

Master Devlin: Mr. Goblin Slayer, how are you?

Goblin Slayer: Fine...

Master Devlin: Good. So, what is your plan?

Goblin Slayer: Wait. Goblins get easily bored. It'll come out eventually. I'll be here when it does.

Master Devlin: You've been waiting for some time already. You must be hungry.

Goblin Slayer: I'm fine. I have rations.

Master Devlin: Oh, I see.

Goblin Slayer: Why do you protect it...?

Master Devlin: He's my pupil. Yes, awful—but he is my life's work... Why do you hunt him?

Goblin Slayer: It's my job. I slay goblins. It's my life's work.

Master Devlin: Well, how about you leave this particular goblin alone and help me with another problem I have?

Goblin Slayer: Is it another goblin problem?

Master Devlin: Not goblin, but similar... A lutin.

Goblin Slayer: I only deal with goblins. I've never heard of that.

Master Devlin: This one is more challenging, but it pays well.

The Master pulls out an illustration of Mr. Vincent, the lutin, and shows it to Goblin Slayer.

Goblin Slayer: Similar, but not a goblin... I only take goblin contracts.

Master Devlin: Come on, man!

Ermintrude: It's true... He does. Goblin Slayer doesn't care about fame, or riches, or the challenge. He lives only to hunt and kill goblins.

Master Devlin: Fine... Ermintrude, give him Waldo.

Ermintrude: No!

Master Devlin: I'm giving him an alternative, but he's unwilling to budge. He's going to keep hanging around. May as well get it over with.

Ermintrude: Please, Goblin Slayer... I know you can't understand... But he's a good goblin. And I love him.

Goblin Slayer: There's no such thing as a good goblin... They're vicious monsters. I won't rest until they're all gone...

Master Devlin: Well... Widdle Frunkut is quite pathetic, actually.

Ermintrude: 🥺😭 I loved you... It isn't enough that you don't reciprocate. Now you have to kill my fiancé? Why can't you just make an exception?

Goblin Slayer: They never make exceptions... I can't afford to either.

Ermintrude (to the Master): His family were killed by goblins...

Goblin Slayer: ...

Master Devlin: I see... Look, I have no quarrel with you. Nor you with me, but...

Goblin Slayer: The only reason I haven't killed it yet is out of respect for your laws in this land... As soon as it leaves, it's mine. I suggest you don't get in my way.

Master Devlin: The problem is that you will be getting in my way. If I leave these grounds with Waldo, then I am on council business and duty-bound to defend him. Therefore, I'd think carefully about challenging me.

Goblin Slayer: So be it.

Goblin Slayer sits down on the pavement.

Master Devlin: Well, I have news for you... Widdle Frunkut cannot be killed.

Goblin Slayer: We'll see about that...

Master Devlin: Don't think I haven't tried? No matter what you do to him, he always comes back...I even fed him arse butter, for fuck's sake...

Ermintrude gasps.

Goblin Slayer: I don't know what that is, but it sounds disgusting.

Master Devlin: Would you like some?

Goblin Slayer: No...

Goblin Slayer pulls out some cheese and eats it under his helmet.

Master Devlin: Well, anyway, the fact is that the Council thinks the best strategy is to minimise the damage he does—because getting rid of him isn't an option. Now, I would like you to think about my offer. I could use your help with this lutin problem. Lutins brainwash goblins into doing despicable things...

Goblin Slayer shares some cheese with Ermintrude.

Goblin Slayer: What do I get in return?

Master Devlin: Gold. Plus a new armour set, weapons upgrades.

Goblin Slayer: Hrmmm. I'll think about it. Would you leave us? I want to talk to Cow Girl in private...

Master Devlin: Very well.

****

The Master heads back into the Council grounds to get a chemical burger.

Master Devlin: Kaz. Burger please... Kaz: Coming up, Boss!

Waldo is already sitting at the table but he's just holding his chemical burger, not eating—too busy glaring at Ermintrude and Goblin Slayer reconnecting in the distance. His eyes narrow with suspicion.

Master Devlin: Waldo, are you alright?

wF: 😒...

Suddenly, Mayuri appears, wearing her classic blue dress and hat.

Mayuri: Hello everyone!

Master Devlin: Ah, Mayuri... How are you?

Mayuri: Good, thank you, Senpai. I was wondering, has anyone seen my husband, Travers-san?

Master Devlin: Um... Mayuri, your husband is away on... business. Or more accurately, in hiding. That man in the armour across the road talking to Ermintrude wishes to kill your husband, y'see. Perhaps you should threaten him with legal action.

Waldo suddenly lets out a loud groan as he sees Ermintrude embrace Goblin Slayer.

Mayuri: But... why would he want to kill my husband? And why is Ermintrude hugging the man who wants to kill my husband?

Master Devlin: I'm afraid there's a bounty on your husband's head due to him being an informant for the WBI. Ermintrude is an old friend of one of the would-be assassins, it seems. And I wouldn't worry, Waldo. She's not going to do anything.

wF: What do you know about it?? Nothing!

Waldo throws his chemical burger in anger.

Mayuri: Goberin-san, don't waste your food!

wF: We're not married no more, wench. You can't tell Wiffuhuh nothing!

Master Devlin: Mayuri, can you go get me a chemical burger please?

Mayuri: Oh, sure, Senpai!

Mayuri eagerly runs up to Kaz's van.

Mayuri: Hi Master Miller! Master Devlin wants a chemical burger, please.

Kaz: Another one, huh? You got it...

While Mayuri is distracted, the Master puts a fake moustache on Waldo.

Travers: Wha—Oh... Hello, Master Devlin...

Master Devlin: Hello, Travers. Look, I found your wife and she's fixed. No more hooking...

Travers: Excellent. I could really use an oil change now that you mention it...

Master Devlin: Mayuri, look, it's your husband. He requires a full servicing.

Mayuri: HUSBAND!

Mayuri runs over and picks up Travers, hugging him tight like a teddy bear.

Master Devlin: Ah well. That's that, then...

Travers: What's what? Master Devlin, are you speaking out of turn already in this happy reunion?

Master Devlin: No. It's nothing... Anyway... You should know that the Goblin Slayer is here and is still after you.

Travers: Oh dear... Where is this evil man?

Master Devlin: Over there. Across the street with Ermintrude...

Travers: They seem awfully friendly.

Master Devlin: Yes. Probably fucking...

Travers: ....

Mayuri: ....

Master Devlin: What?

Travers: I mean really, Master Devlin. Such crude language is unbecoming... Not to mention out of turn.

Master Devlin: Yes, well, these are trying times. Anyway, you can't leave the Council grounds or he will smash you.

Travers: Can't he be reasoned with?

Master Devlin: Working on it.

Travers: But if we can't go home, where are we going to live?

Master Devlin: You can have the cottage here on the grounds... The new one that was rebuilt after Mayuri's grandmother blew up the old one last season.

Mayuri shakes her head in shame.

Mayuri: She brought great dishonouru to the family...

Master Devlin: Indeed.

Mayuri drops to her knees and begs forgiveness.

Master Devlin: Oh dear... Up you get, Mayuri. This isn't necessary.

Travers: Don't mind her. It's a Chinese thing, I think. Her uncle Hideo is the same way.

Master Devlin: Japanese, Travers... Your wife is Japanese... 🤨 Anyway, let me show you to the cottage...

****

The Master, Travers and Mayuri take the short stroll directly across the lawn to find the new cottage nestled under the large trees, just as cosy as the original, except for a few additions.

Travers: Master Devlin, why is there a large woodchipper outside the house??

Master Devlin: Widdle Frunkut was playing with it. He refuses to live in the house but he was using it for... something.

Travers: Right. That explains the red stain on the lawn...

Master Devlin: Yes... Anyway... Let's go in, shall we?

They head into the open-plan ground floor, standing in the dining / kitchen area.

Master Devlin: Mayuri, I've put an extra large freezer in for your chicken tenders.

Mayuri: Wow, thank you so much, Senpai! 🥰

The Master continues to show them around the home. He stops to change a lightbulb in the hall.

Travers: Yes, it's very nice, Master Devlin.

Master Devlin: I'm glad you like it because you are under house arrest, Travers. Effective immediately. Unless you want to be killed by the goblin slayer...

Travers: Don't have to tell me twice... This will be a fine new home, won't it, doll?

Mayuri: Mmm-hmm...

Master Devlin: Good, well then I... 😳

The Master turns around and finds Mayuri performing an oil change on Travers right in the living room. Travers gives Master Devlin a sleazy grin.

Master Devlin: Of course. Right in the living room. Why wouldn't you...

Travers: Absolutely. Nothing like a good servicing to make a house feel like a home.

Master Devlin: Indeed...Well I'm going to see Goblin Slayer again and see if I can persuade him to call off this whole killing you thing.

The Master shakes his head with disgust and leaves.

****

The Master crosses the street and approaches Ermintrude and Goblin Slayer.

Master Devlin: Have you considered my offer regarding leaving my goblin alone and helping destroy a lutin?

Goblin Slayer: Yes.

Master Devlin: Well?

Suddenly, a portal opens beside them on the road, and a timid teenage girl steps through. She has long blonde hair and wears flowing white and blue robes, carrying a golden staff.

Ermintrude: Priestess!

Priestess: Cow Girl! You're here!

Ermintrude and the young girl embrace.

Goblin Slayer: If we're going after this lutin, we could use magic on our side. This is Priestess, my adventuring companion.

Master Devlin: Oh... Greetings.

Ermintrude: Priestess, this is my friend, Master Devlin.

Priestess: Hello... Are you also a lizard priest? We have a friend in our world who looks just like you. Only green.

Master Devlin: Sort of, madam. I am a dragon. 🐉

Priestess: I see. Nice to meet you, sir. This is a strange place... It's really pretty though! 😊

Master Devlin: Indeed. Pretty, but I feel I should warn you that it's quite dangerous. Very chaotic...Now, Mr Goblin Slayer, I'm glad you're on board, but if we go after this lutin, then you need to agree to leave my goblin alone. Do we have a deal?

Goblin Slayer: I won't kill it. For now...

Ermintrude: I think this is the best we can hope for, for now. Hopefully, in time, he'll come around. But you can take him at his word. He's an honourable adventurer.

Master Devlin: Very well. I hope he won't mind if I bring Waldo with us then? The lutin, make no mistake, is a ruthless foe. We need all the fighters we can get.

Goblin Slayer: Hrmm...

Ermintrude: He won't like it, but he won't harm Waldo as long as there's an alliance. I trust him.

Master Devlin: Very good. I'll go fetch him, then.

Season 4 continues in Waldo Plumbing & The Whale