Spin Wars
The following takes place following: Goblinhouse: Unmasked
The Wallywood Times: Wifform Party in Crisis Following Chaotic Rally
By Sean Whitely, June 21, 2024
The newly formed Widdlington Reform Party, popularly known as Wifform, has suffered a significant blow after yesterday’s rally in Wilford ended in chaos and public controversy. The party’s rapid rise in popularity has been halted by a dramatic onstage confrontation, which exposed Wifform leader Harold Goblinhouse as Widdle Frunkut, a notorious local swindler, wearing a disguise.
The revelation led to a violent brawl breaking out among supporters at the rally site, with Widdle Frunkut being pelted with vegetables and chased off the stage. The incident has caused a sharp decline in public support for the party. According to a WhoMe.Guv poll released this morning, Wifform’s support has dropped seven points overnight following the incident.
Goblinhouse had been gaining traction among residents by blaming Widdlington’s social and economic troubles on the elusive Masters Council in Waldobury. His populist rhetoric resonated strongly, particularly in economically disadvantaged areas like Widdicombe.
However, yesterday’s events have divided the party’s base and sparked internal turmoil. A source close to the party disclosed that while the official stance remains supportive of Goblinhouse, there are growing calls from within for his resignation. Some members have even threatened to leave if leadership does not change.
In a statement to the Wallywood Times, Wifform Party chairman Francisco Alejandro González, a respected figure in the Isla Waldista Cuban community and locally known as "Cuban Waldo," dismissed rumours of internal discord. “There’s no problem, mang,” González said. “The party fully supports Mr. Goblinhouse. Yesterday’s rally was simply misunderstood—a piece of performance art that’s been wildly misrepresented by the cockroaches in the media.”
When questioned about speculation of a leadership challenge, González firmly denied the allegations and accused the press of bias. “The media are always looking for someone to blame. Not me, mang. I always tell the truth, even when I lie,” he added.
The interview ended abruptly after González became visibly agitated, reportedly indulged in illegal substances, and used offensive language toward our reporter.
As the Wifform Party grapples with the fallout, the political future of Widdlington remains uncertain.
The Widdicombe Ledger: “Fake News Cabal” Targets Wifform Following Rally Attack
By John Arthur Frank, June 21, 2024
A coordinated smear campaign appears to be underway against the Widdlington Reform Party (Wifform) following a violent incident at a rally yesterday afternoon in Walbert Square, Wilford.
During his address, party leader Harold Goblinhouse was reportedly attacked by Master Stan Devlin, a junior member of the Masters Council and convicted felon. Eyewitnesses say Devlin attempted to decapitate Goblinhouse in a sudden and brutal assault, triggering a violent skirmish.
According to multiple sources, covert operatives linked to the Masters Council then entered the crowd and engaged in confrontations with peaceful rally attendees, escalating the chaos.
The disturbance has seemingly harmed Wifform’s public image, with recent polling by WhoMe.Guv indicating a drop in support. However, party members remain defiant.
“It was a fackin’ setup,” said Wilford Wifform candidate Nigel Goblintime. “Those Masters came to our peaceful rally looking to start trouble. Now they’re using their puppet media to spin the story. It’s an outrage. We stand behind Harry Goblinhouse 107%.”
The Masters Council declined to comment on the allegations.
The Waldoverse Inquisitor: "MASTER MADMAN ADMITS EVERYTHING – AND LAUGHS AT US ALL!"
By Trixie Blunt, Senior Investigations Shouter
The political world was rocked to its core late last night after a jaw-dropping video surfaced online, apparently showing Master Stan Devlin openly admitting that everything Harold Goblinhouse has been saying about the Masters Council is true.
In the inflammatory two minute clip, Devlin leans into the camera, smirking like a man who’s just set fire to your shed, and declares:
“This may come as a surprise, but everything Mr Goblinhouse has been saying about the Masters Council is 100% true. We have been stealing your gold, your women, and squeezing the lifeblood out of the people of Widdlington for years. And what are you going to do about it, eh? Nothing! The fact of the matter is, you stupid peasant folk can’t touch us, no doubt. You can’t do nothing, so actually we don’t even care if you know…”
The video, which racked up over 1.2 million views within hours, has sent shockwaves through Widdlington. Social media exploded with fury, disbelief, and in some cases, poorly spelled marriage proposals to Devlin himself.
Observers say the bombshell confession makes the chaos at the Wilford rally the day before look positively tame. That event — in which Goblinhouse was unmasked as local trickster Widdle Frunkut and pelted with vegetables — now appears, according to Devlin’s own words, to have been “elaborate theatre” designed to "distract the mouth breathing yokels".
The Inquisitor reached out to the Masters Council for comment but was told, “We do not respond to fabricated nonsense,” which, as any sane person knows, is exactly what someone would say if it were all true.
Wifform’s remaining loyalists are treating the video as vindication. “See? Harry was right all along,” shouted one supporter, balancing on a dustbin lid in the town square. “They’re laughing at us! Well, I’m laughing back — though mostly because I’ve inhaled too much paint thinner.”
Critics claim the video could be a fake, but the Inquisitor’s forensic department insists the footage is “probably real enough.”
For now, the town is left reeling, the Masters’ reputation is in tatters, and the so-called “peasant folk” are angrier than a pub landlord whose crisps have been taxed.
The Waldoverse continues in Dr Doom, I Presume?